Country Horror Movie Posters 2015: Musgraves, Monroe, Shires, etc.

The Crud Report: Country News July '15

*Based on The Drudge Report.

Country TwitterFAIL: June 2015

Hopefully the Last #Saladgate Meme

Saladgate Explained

Ashley Monroe's New Album Cover Revealed

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #74

 This isn't really a songwriting tip. It's a short editorial based on some questions I've received lately. "John, how do we get more females on country radio?" they ask me. When I get through pondering for a few hours how to get my damnself on country radio, I let myself slip back to this question.

It's a big deal lately, apparently. Salad gate or whatever they're calling it… Some radio dude said to stop playing the chicks. I mean, on one hand, the numbers don't lie. On the other hand, my favorite numbers are 38, 24, and 38. So, that's a conundrum, son.

I sat down in my fully stocked, wi-fi enabled, leather recliner with some Goose on the rocks and taxed the old melon for a bit. If Johnny boy wants to see more feminine flesh on stage at the 15 country music awards shows each year, how can Johnny boy advise the tomatoes to get there? And then it hit me! Backing vocals!

Now I'm no sexist, but Ashley Monroe's a hot piece of country produce, and how exactly did we get to witness an ample flash of thigh from her on a recent awards show? She sang with Blake Shelton on a #1 f***ing hit! That's how.

So ladies, chicas, hoochies, honeys, women, lend me your rear, I mean ear…. every opportunity that arises for you to provide a sweet, sexy, subservient, cooing behind a male superstar's manly, aggressive, powerful lead vocals is an opportunity you should fall to your knees for.

Even if it's like "ooh daddy" between lines about picking you up onto the tailgate to lay some pipe, or singing "yeah, I like it like that" after a chorus about a romantic deflowering in a cutover, do that! Insist that your name be on the song… you know… "Pop The Clutch" by Jason Aldean ft. Kacey Musgraves or "Waxing the Chrome" by FGL w/Raelynn… it's just enough to change the paradigm, whatever the f*** that means. Hell, I love women on country radio. Or beside it, on my bench seat, but hell, that's semantics.

Let's do this, girlies! Baby girl, you've come a long way and it's time DJ's had to at least mention you in passing! End the discrimination against curvy hotties. Sing backup on a hit and flaunt that body! Now, never let it be said that the rural route Romeo never did anything for the babes.

*Not actually written or approved by John Rich

Another Dumb Radio Dude Says Dumb Stuff About Women

(Note: If for some reason, this quote turns out to be falsely attributed to Mr. Johnson, 

we'll gladly retract. Seems to be real though, and we're not journalists - so we go with it.)

i Heart Tomatoes

Shameless plug. New shirt. #saladgate

Available here.

Keith Hill's Female Country Radio Star Generator

To help Keith Hill, radio consultant, pick out female country singers worthy of airplay

Click here!

(Just click "tomato" !!!)

You Knew This #saladgate Joke Was Coming

"Follow Your Data," a #saladgate Parody

"Follow Your Data"
(Parody of Kacey Musgraves "Follow Your Arrow")

If you play something real twangy
It's a bore
If you don't play something twangy
Blogs call you a whore-able station
If you don't dig Sam Hunt
You're an old fool
But they'll call you sellout
Soon as he's in the rotation

If you don't drop George Strait
Then you're old hat
And you can't play females
Oh, back to back
You're screwed if you're cool
And screwed if you're old school
So you might as well just use
Those number crunching tools
And

Make lots of cash
Play lots of trash
And sell lots of ads
Cause that's all that you're into
When the real and honest
Makes listeners irate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

If you don't play Eric Church
Then Cole Swindell
Then that Luke Bryan one
Then one more bro
Before a chick
Son you just
Can't win for losing
You'll just disappoint 'em
And no, you can't beat 'em
Make salad and join 'em

And make lots of cash
With songs that suck ass
And sell lots of ads
Cause that's all that you're into
When the real and honest
Makes listeners irate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

F*** what you think
Love who you love
But just forget
Programming songs that aren't fun
Yeah, you dumbass
Just git 'er done

Make lots of dough
Skip tomatoes
Lettuce, row on row
Cause that's what fans are into
Yeah, the real and honest
Makes the idiots hate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

He-man Woman-Hater's Club

Background Info

(Note: In Hill's interview, he actually said females were the ones who predominantly
didn't want to hear females on the radio - though I believe our buddy Windmills Country has refuted that at some point - either way, work on that ladies... I'm tired of the sausage party)