Jan 28, 2022
Dec 17, 2021
Riding high on the success of his massive crossover pop hit “Fancy Like,” Walker Hayes has announced plans to follow that up in coming weeks with a country remix, or re-imagining to be exact, of the viral smash.
The song, which was Walker’s first #1 hit and the first Applebee’s commercial to claim the pinnacle on the major country charts, will receive quite a makeover for this incarnation. Instead of the danceable beats, there will be light percussion and passionate fiddle shreds. The laconic rap/talk-singing reading of the lyrics will be replaced by a slow, note-bending drawl of the sort once employed by Garth Brooks. There may even be some audible steel guitar, clearly signaling a radical departure for the wide-jawed Tennessee boy.
Whether this release will continue Hayes’ winning streak is yet to be determined, but many behind the scenes are questioning the move. "Who's gonna play it? I mean, this thing is like, old-timey sounding and stuff," said Clearchannel country radio DJ Trey Turner. "You can't do a TikTok dance to it… I don't like it," complained Klarissa Jo McReynolds of Bude, Mississippi in a reply on Walker’s Facebook page.
Hayes, for his part, maintains that this will play to a new demographic he hasn't reached before. "The people who actually like the organic, authentic-sounding, classic traditional stuff like Tim McGraw and Jason Aldean,” said Hayes, shaping a recently purchased cowboy hat, "that's an audience we haven't spoken to yet."
Nov 12, 2021
When presented with the poll question “Would you support the arrest of pop-country singer Walker Hayes, singer of “Fancy Like” (aka The Applebees Song)?” a full 72% of Americans answered affirmatively. No legal basis for his being taken into custody was given, yet a strong majority of citizens would approve of his being jailed.
Walker’s song has been a mainstay on country radio since June, and television since August - featuring in ever-present Applebee’s commercials. The nearly inescapable tune paints an idyllic picture of the simple life, mentioning many name brands in the process. Some love the song, but most apparently see it as the grounds for Hayes’ incarceration.
In the comments section of our poll (which only featured that one question), we received such feedback as:
“I don’t know who that is but he has a stupid name so yes.”
“That song makes me want to pull out my ear drums with tweezers and burn them in sacrifice to Satan.”
“Hes not cuntry music like Hank and Paycheck he sucks so throw him in the pen!”
“You people are so hateful. Don’t you have friends or fun? What’s wrong with a little light hearted silliness?”
“F*** this Lego head guy. He’s worse than Garth!”
In this day of divided attentions and beliefs, one strains to find anything Americans agree on over a 45% threshold, so this result is fairly surprising. Only 32% of Americans agreed with the statement that “Clean air is good.” A slightly higher percentage, 34%, said that ‘stabbing people they disagreed with’ was immoral.
Hayes, who recently scored his first #1 hit with the ubiquitous song, said in response to this poll question, “Why would you even ask that? Who are you?” Hayes’ representation also stated: We are perplexed about why a media source with a likely axe to grind would propose such an absurd poll question. Walker Hayes has brought joy to millions with his smash hit song, and is also an upstanding citizen, husband, and father. We’ll give no further comment at this time, except WTF?”
At press time, Walker Hayes was not being investigated for any reason whatsoever, but perhaps he should be if America has a say in the matter.
Nov 10, 2021
Oct 28, 2021
Oct 20, 2021
A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive. Total score below the chart.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (0) overall which is a 4 point improvement from August (the previous time we did this chart). A zero score huh… that’s some Thanos level equilibrium. The worst song and the lowest rated song ever on this chart is Walker Hayes’ “Fancy Like” with the very first 5 turd rating. The highest rated is once again, Kenny Chesney’s “Knowing You.”
Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.
Oct 6, 2021
Oct 1, 2021
Sep 17, 2021
After taking over TikTok, country radio, and television ads, pop-country-talk-singer Walker Hayes has something new on his plate: another foray into the advertising world. This time around he’s extolling the virtues of IHOP (formerly International House of Pancakes), in a spectacularly stupid and catchy jingle/single that’s debuting on TikTok next week.
Hayes, the co-writer/singer of the smash-hit, brain-numbing, infuriating ode-to-the-simple life, “Fancy Like,” got to work on the new song, simply titled “IHOP” as soon as Applebee’s launched its ad campaign with the former. “We’re putting the finishing touches on the dance,” said Hayes. “I can just see a line of people dressed as breakfast burritos popping and locking in the commercial! Literally everyone will love it and if they don’t, I’ll make snarky comments to them on Twitter.”
Dine Brands Global, who owns Applebee’s as well as IHOP, had already optioned the song, music unheard, and prepped for ad shoots in the coming weeks. EVP of Marketing, Tenise Helms told us “Walker has been a goldmine for Applebee’s, and I’m sure he’ll be the same for IHOP, and that no one will in any way find this song to be exasperating or irksome. If you don’t like Walker, you don’t like fun!”
Traditional country fans and people who only watch TV during football games had a drastically different reaction to the news. “God ******* **** it!” yelled LSU fan Peter Grady of Baton Rouge. “I already went to therapy for the first time because of that ‘fancy like Applebee’s’ bull****; please tell me this is a ****ing joke.”
“Walker Hayes, who’s she?” asked country fan Carl Outlaw. “Oh that Applebee’s ad… I’ll shoot my TV if I have to hear him on a mother****ing IHOP commercial too!”
Here are a sampling of the lyrics for “IHOP”:
I hop I hop I hop
Breakfast all day, oh yay
Pumpkin full stack and OJ
Eat till I pop
Yeah I hop I hop I hop
At press time, America really wanted Walker Hayes to just stop and go spend some time at home with his family.
Sep 10, 2021
Calling it “despicable and inhumane,” President Biden on Wednesday signed an executive order banning the use of the Walker Hayes song “Fancy Like” as an interrogation method. While not a part of the generally approved list of 19 techniques, annoying the f**k out of prisoners with said musical composition has been a “gray area” tactic in recent months.
Used mostly on ISIS detainees and other terrorist group members captured in the past year, the song has had mixed results. Several bits of useful intelligence have been gleaned in about half the proceedings, the enemy combatants unable to withstand more than 30 seconds of Walker Hayes talk-singing about Natty light and Oreo shakes. Other results have been quite negative, with stronger minded prisoners left near insanity after withstanding hours of the viral TikTok song / commercial jingle.
According to one anonymous source, one high ranking ISIS enforcer was left crying and vomiting in the corner of his cell after 3 hours of “Fancy Like.” “He kept saying ‘Alabama-jamma’ over and over and attempting to pull his hair out.” said the source.
“Much like water-boarding in the past,” said President Biden. “We cannot stoop to the levels of evil men to draw information from evil men. My executive order declares this song a method of torture, unfit for common decency; hell I wouldn’t wish it on Corn Pop.”
At press time, one military interrogation specialist was removing “Fancy Like” and adding the old standby “Country Girl (Shake it For Me)” to his “ISIS Dance Party” playlist on Spotify.