Showing posts with label You're Not a Real Country Singer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label You're Not a Real Country Singer. Show all posts

Sep 22, 2017

You're Not a Real Country Singer!

You're Not a Real Country Singer If...

Your jeans are tight but your name ain't Dwight

You've ever suggested a trap beat to your album's producer

You've spent any amount of time trying to work 
the phrase "poop emoji" into a song @samgazdiak

All your fans need a ride from their parents to the concert... -Eddie Combs

You're more likely to be seen with a Sun Beach tan than a Miller can

You think Bobby Bare is the name of an exotic dancer -Justin Chambers

You haven't left a girl in West Virginia, up there where the green grass grows. 
Another girl in Cincinnati waiting where the Ohio River flows -Anthony Machado

They play your song on country radio @harrymorgan1937

You are certain Hank done it this way -Carl Wallace

Your jeans are tighter than your electronic drum beat @mkleiner2

You have tattoos but no scars -Seth Wilson

Your favorite Patty Loveless song is "Who is Patty Loveless?"

You are Kane Brown @amanda_darlene3

Your name rhymes with "mane crown" -Garrett Dressler

You can't get stoned with your band because it's all computers @Famous_Abell

You have a hype man

You think the Carter scratch is something your DJ does @JuliThanki

You don't say anything at all about mama, or trains, or trucks, 
or prison, or gettin' drunk. -Connor Smith

You sing about Dixie cups. (if you do, you're either a dentist or a toddler) @ryankentm

You can't name 3 George Jones songs but you remember every winner of The Bachelor

You use "how we roll" in a song and your protagonist in the song 
isn't a truck driver. -Michael Crabtree

You think American Aquarium is a nickname for Seaworld @SeanRKent

You'd rather be spayed or neutered than express any negative opinion whatsoever

At least one Backstreet Boy was involved in the 
creation of your latest album. @10lbhammerbp

You think Conway Twitty is just someone The Family Guy made up

Your truck tires are higher than your IQ @Senor_Fern

You think Jason Aldean is "old school".... -Chuck Dye

You can't recite the "third" verse to "Friends in Low Places" @swoletexan

You sing about bars and churches, but haven't been to either one in years

You have backup dancers -BamaDan Ferguson

You think a Telecaster is the guy who reads the news on TV - Seth Wilson

You think Moe Bandy is a rapper featured on Ariana Grande's next single

Thanks to our Twitter and Facebook friends for the replies!
All others written by Trailer.

Oct 28, 2015

You're Not a Real Country Singer! Part 2!

What the hell? Let's do the next part today as well. Here are some more…

You're Not a Real Country Singer if…

Your music is played at the Electric Cowboy -Colby Cummings

Your newest single has “Akins, Gorley, Davidson” in the songwriting credits. -Chris Busto

you went to a Rascal Flatts concert and were inspired -@mattson_rainer

your cowboy boots are only ankle high.  I’m looking at you Luke Bryan. -@ChrisJohnson036

you wear joggers or jeggings. I’m looking at you @SamHuntMusic -@RCCampbell52

You don’t wear a cowboy hat because it would cover up your Macklemore-style hair-cut...
-J Christopher Smith

you have your own scented candle named after you -@tabithanichol1

Your wardrobe costs more than your guitar collection. -Sam Gazdziak

you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer.

You haven’t put out a song that was later remixed with a washed up rapper. -Chris Jackson

you only recognize Waylon Jennings because he was on The Dukes of Hazzard. -John Band Deery

you’ve recorded a song with colt ford -@parker__manning

...Anal bleaching is on the to-do list. -Josh Gourley

 If you cant name the original members of the Highway men -Alana Y. James

If Your songs have EDM beats -Kevin Ross

There’s no twang besides a out of place banjo in your songs -Jordan Pancho Kirk

If you’re sponsored by Axe body spray and fireball. -Luke Langford

if your biggest influence is Fred Durst -Mada Drake

you rhyme “party” with “Bacardi.”  -@DarkKnight292

you spend an hour on Urban Dictionary for hip new phrases to include in your lyrics.

Bobby Bones is your biggest promoter -Brandon Ferguson

if you don’t sing about momma, trains, prison or getting drunk. -@PJrenee72

If there’s no fiddle, steel or banjo backing you. -@alisonbonaguro

You don’t drink whisky because its not organic and free-trade. -J Christopher Smith

you namedrop Justin Timberlake in your songs. -@realcountryview

If your backstage rider requests include watermelon vape juice and
a crowbar to get you out of your jeans. -@GreenEyedLilo

three words: “feat. Jason Derulo” -@emperorcupcake2

Your name is Tyler Hubbard or Brian Kelley -Greg Sury

You're Not a Real Country Singer!

Thanks to our Twitter and Facebook friends for the replies!
*note - some people gave straight-forward responses, some gave ironic/facetious answers. 
I'll leave it up to you to decide which is which*

You're Not a Real Country Singer if...

You're never photographed with the bill of a cap actually in its correct position

You were born in Georgia any time after 1976 - Jeremy Harris

You can't rap! -‪Ed Kosmicki‬ 

You can't think of any use for a field that doesn't involve parking your truck and drinking. 

If your backwards trucker hat and jeans both are bedazzled. - John Deery

You don't know who Roy Acuff is -‪Justin Chambers‬ 

Your tour rider specifies low-carb beers and veggie trays

you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer. 

You think Montgomery-Gentry is classic country. -‪Michael Crabtree‬ 

you compare yourself to Justin Bieber @emperorcupcake2

You use the word "beer" or "redneck" like a comma. 
-‪Anthony Wentzel‬ 

your dance instructor has to synergize with your marketing director -Seth Wilson

I can't see your nuts pulsing through your jeans. -‏‪@Senor_Fern‬ 

If the only "back road" you've ever driven on was the one behind the Urban Outfitters 
where you drank that Pabst your friend's older brother scored for you. -‪Barry Toffoli‬ 

You can name more Bruno Mars songs than you can Merle Haggard songs

the instruments on your track don't match up to the ones being held on stage. -‏‪@JillChristinaWV‬ 

Your wife/girlfriend/manager has your balls in her purse - Kyle Smith

....your mic stand doesn't include bling. -‪Mark Allan Atwood‬ 

Your worst injury was from falling off stage during a Nicki Minaj medley

you've never had to lube up your pants to put them on. -@gradywsmith

Your back pockets have more sparkle than a handmade Valentines card. -‪Derrick Cox‬ 

All your fans "never liked country music before" -‪Jordan Pancho Kirk‬ 

You blocked Farce The Music on Twitter -‪Mark Breunig‬ 

Jun 19, 2012

You're Not a Real Country Singer 2

if you have to tell me how country you are -Andrew Lacy

if your jeans are tighter than Eugene Krabs' wallet.

if you wear Axe Body Spray -Cameron Gott

if you are Jason Aldean -Ian Donnelly

if most of your songs are really hard to play on Guitar Hero.

if you wear $400 designer jeans with designs and flaps on the back pockets -Blake Olson

if you use Autotune -Michael Wren

if you've never toured in a van.

if you cover Hinder -Cameron Gott

if you used to look like this:

But now look like this:

...if you don't have a song about murder - @CashFan90

if you wear Affliction, but haven't had any afflictions

if you don't know the lyrics of "Heartaches by the Number" -@TheBenimal

if one of yours songs has been used as a UFC entrance theme.

if you feel a constant need to tell people you're an outlaw -@10lbhammerbp

if you only cover rap and pop songs in concert.

if the only barbed wire that's ever touched your skin is embedded on your bicep.

May 7, 2012

You're Not a Real Country Singer

...if mustang Sally is in yore set list #ewwwwposers - @triplexxxstacy

...if any of your song titles has (Country Version) next to it

...if the vocal intro to any of your songs is "Y'all better crank this one up"

...if you write about the beach, Wear a black straw hat, Wear a beanie, constantly have pop songs w/a banjo call them country or rap -@nolimitcattleco

...if you sing about trucks but drive a Bentley

...if you have glitter on your jeans pockets - @rawhidevelvet

...if you think a "Nudie suit" means you'll be appearing in Playgirl

...if you bought your 1st cowboy hat at the airport - @north_clt

...if you have to schedule country radio station visits around your band Staind's tour dates

...if there's a rap remix of your biggest hit are not being played on sirius outlaw country#60 - @opossumdaddy

...if your last name is Levox, Demarcus or Rooney -Matthew Waga on FB

...if you had to check Wikipedia to see if Merle Haggard was still alive or not

...if you cover "Breakfast at Tiffany's" in concert

...if you're Taylor Swift - @indigo81067

...if you're more into Ed Hardy than Ed Bruce


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