Showing posts with label Jason Derulo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason Derulo. Show all posts

Oct 15, 2019

Top 10 Things Overheard at Luke Bryan’s Farm Tour 2019

10. This cow shit better come off! I paid 400 dollars for these cowboy boots.

9. Kaiyleighe, ever since he quit wearing skinny jeans, 
his music is a little worse to me for some reason.

8. I'm only here to see if he falls again again.

7. Even I know this Mitchell Tenpenny dude ain’t country, 
and I’m an absolute dumbass.

6. Is it just me, or has Luke’s pelvic thrust lost a little propulsion?

5. (People taking off their boots to “knock” them together over their heads 
during “Knockin’ Boots” because they have no idea what Luke’s outdated reference means)

4. I’m an Instagram Influencer! Let me pet the sheep or I’ll have this place cancelled!

3. I hope Luke covers some classics from the greats that influenced him 
like Jason Derulo and Colt Ford. 

2. As much as Luke is paying this farmer, 
you’d think he could afford to get a sexier tractor.

1. Are you going to the concession stand? See if there are any older dudes around 
who will buy us some White Claw.

Jun 6, 2017

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Watch Than the CMT Awards

The 2017 CMT Music Awards airs tomorrow night and features Jason Derulo and Luke Bryan,
Chris Lane, FGL & The Chainsmokers, Thomas Rhett, and lots of other bullshit like that, so...

Top 10 (Awful) Things I'd Rather Watch 
Than the CMT Music Awards

10. An old VCR tape from the late 80s where my little brother taped 
Care Bears over the last half of Headbangers' Ball

9. Chris Stapleton literally singing the entire Jackson, TN phone book

8. 3 hours of C-Span's online video archive without the aid of caffeine and if I doze off, it starts over

7. This over and over (warning: it's gross)

6. The English Patient

5. Col. Casper's entire video library
(He's a a loon who claimed Elizabeth Cook is into the occult and Tim McGraw is a member of the Illuminati, among other craziness)

4. Manimal

3. My own minor surgical procedure, while awake

2. Donald Trump and Charles Barkley having a debate about the best condiment

1. A Caillou marathon at full volume

Oct 28, 2015

You're Not a Real Country Singer! Part 2!

What the hell? Let's do the next part today as well. Here are some more…

You're Not a Real Country Singer if…

Your music is played at the Electric Cowboy -Colby Cummings

Your newest single has “Akins, Gorley, Davidson” in the songwriting credits. -Chris Busto

you went to a Rascal Flatts concert and were inspired -@mattson_rainer

your cowboy boots are only ankle high.  I’m looking at you Luke Bryan. -@ChrisJohnson036

you wear joggers or jeggings. I’m looking at you @SamHuntMusic -@RCCampbell52

You don’t wear a cowboy hat because it would cover up your Macklemore-style hair-cut...
-J Christopher Smith

you have your own scented candle named after you -@tabithanichol1

Your wardrobe costs more than your guitar collection. -Sam Gazdziak

you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer.

You haven’t put out a song that was later remixed with a washed up rapper. -Chris Jackson

you only recognize Waylon Jennings because he was on The Dukes of Hazzard. -John Band Deery

you’ve recorded a song with colt ford -@parker__manning

...Anal bleaching is on the to-do list. -Josh Gourley

 If you cant name the original members of the Highway men -Alana Y. James

If Your songs have EDM beats -Kevin Ross

There’s no twang besides a out of place banjo in your songs -Jordan Pancho Kirk

If you’re sponsored by Axe body spray and fireball. -Luke Langford

if your biggest influence is Fred Durst -Mada Drake

you rhyme “party” with “Bacardi.”  -@DarkKnight292

you spend an hour on Urban Dictionary for hip new phrases to include in your lyrics.

Bobby Bones is your biggest promoter -Brandon Ferguson

if you don’t sing about momma, trains, prison or getting drunk. -@PJrenee72

If there’s no fiddle, steel or banjo backing you. -@alisonbonaguro

You don’t drink whisky because its not organic and free-trade. -J Christopher Smith

you namedrop Justin Timberlake in your songs. -@realcountryview

If your backstage rider requests include watermelon vape juice and
a crowbar to get you out of your jeans. -@GreenEyedLilo

three words: “feat. Jason Derulo” -@emperorcupcake2

Your name is Tyler Hubbard or Brian Kelley -Greg Sury


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