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FGL Once Again Unites Divided America in Hatred of Their New Song

Against all odds, hit country duo Florida-Georgia Line has once again brought together a frayed United States of America. Despite differences of opinion on subjects that hold together the very fabric of democracy, citizens of this great country put aside their differences, if only for the amount of time they could stomach the song, to announce their unbridled hatred of the act’s latest release entitled “New Truck.”

Across social media, shared disgust and cries for decency rang out as the insipid hip-hop flavored pop-country turd filtered through the populace. Neither Donald Trump, nor Joe Biden, nor an actual Constitutional crisis could divide a thoroughly repulsed nation as they uniformly decried Brian Kelley and Tyler Hubbard’s two-and-a-half minute journey through hell.

“We’re better than this,” said Biden-voter Verna Jackson. “I know things are tough right now and some people are trying to ignore the people’s will, but I will join hands with Republicans to cleanse America of this threat to our sanity and sense of decorum.”

“They should be censored!” shouted anti-censorship activist Carl Wilberson. “While I’m okay with all sorts of ‘deviant’ and ‘dangerous’ art and speech being allowed in the public forum, this goes beyond the limits of human decency. They should be put on house arrest for life.”

“It's injurious to the republic,” said Republican Ginnie Marks. “I’ve become more open-minded to differing viewpoints and I understand that people have their own opinions and lifestyles, but this is just sickening.” She went on to say that she’d turn in a gun or two if the song could be banned and purged from existence. 

For a moment, all Americans stood upon a shining hill, arm in arm, neither ethnicity nor gender nor religion separating us in our shared sense of aversion. 

At press time, a Florida-Georgia Line fan who told Americans to “just not listen to it” had been taken into custody by the FBI.

Looney Tunes Country Reaction Gifs

Still better than listening to a Sam Hunt song

Checking mainstream country radio for a country song

Johnny Cash is overrated??

Chase Rice was born in Florida too huh?

When I catch myself enjoying a few seconds of the new Thomas Rhett single

Where did you come from, where did you go?

Where did you come from, Cotton Eye Joe?

Me, listening to a bluegrass album like...

Luke Combs after releasing his 456th song of the week

 

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Stapleton’s “Starting Over”

 

Listen, just because Chris Stapleton has a big beard and he ain’t a pretty boy don’t mean I’m gone drop too my knees and go “Oh savior of country music, slap me daddy!” I didn’t listen, as usual. He’s a pure ass pop singer. If you get played on the radio your automatically not a real country singer. Also, I heard he wrote a big hit song for Luke Bryan, whoever she is. If that ain’t enough for every one of you reading this too not listen to him, you should probably never claim too be a country fan again. 

Too me, their’s no difference between Chris Stapleton and Florida-Georgia Line. Sure, maybe Chris doesn’t sing about getting nookie in a Silverado, but in this song he’s driving and I bet its in a truck. I drive a truck myself but I don’t sing about it. This dude suck's ass.

Reading over the lyrics, he’s not as terrible as some other pop singers pretending too be country, but their still isn’t no lines about fighting or silos, or methamphetamine production, so its for sure not country music. And I bet the production is all professional and the band is pro fishin at playing there instruments. Who wants that? Give me a rag tag bunch of loosers recording on an old tape recorder in a storage room somewhere anyday!

One last thing. I herd Chris Stapleton wants to personally come too my house and take my Gatling style Minigun from me. It is my by God right as a citizen of America too protect my family even though I don’t have one. He must be a straight up socialist! Its like that book 1985 all over again! But that’s besides the point.

This song is terrible and stop trying too tell me Chris Stapleton is different from the rest of country radio. If I don’t listen to it, it all sounds the same too me!!

FGL Ain't Got Much to Talk About

 

Twitter Reviews FGL's New Song, "New Truck"