Showing posts with label New Year's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Year's. Show all posts

Jan 5, 2022

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Koe Wetzel Fans


Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Koe Wetzel Fans

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10. Get serious for their 9th year of community college


9. Complete the full collection of Pit Vipers



8. Get a tattoo to cover up that seemingly permanent groin rash



7. Get LED bars put on both jet skis



6. Continue boycotting those motherf***king b***hes at the p***y ass Great Texas Balloon Race



5. Not wear wife beater to the job interview next time



4. See the doctor about this dark yellow pee



3. Not get anybody pregnant at LTJ fest this year



2. Wrestlemania. Jerry World. Both nights.



1. Jack Daniels, Taco Bell, Hangover + raging shits, Repeat



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~By Trailer with some input from someone who could dance that slow Uvalde shuffle


Dec 31, 2020

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Dan + Shay Fans


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 10. Speak to 5% more managers in 2021

9. Keep up with teen slang so you’ll be able to snoop on your daughter’s Snapchat effectively


8. Monthly salon visit to maintain that just above the shoulders layered look that silently asks “Are you supposed to be here?”


7. Keep the white zinfandel cellar fully stocked at all times


6. Berate Dan + Shay on Facebook for not going on tour because Covid is just the damn flu!


5. Sell 22% more essential oils and seaweed kelp powder on Facebook


4. Berate Kane Brown on Instagram for wearing a mask because “there taking our freedom away!”


3. Keep tan somewhere between “just returned from Cozumel” and “oh God, you better get that mole checked out!”


2. Maintain the perimeters and facilities of your gated subdivision against people who don’t seem to belong near you


1. Practice saying “How arrrre yeeewwww??” and “Oh HOOWWW Cute!” and “Bless YEWR Hawrt!” for when you finally get to see your friends after this Covid hoax goes away



I Was a Wanna Be Rocker, She Was More Into Merle


Dec 29, 2017

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Kane Brown Fans

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Kane Brown Fans
Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Kane Brown Fans
Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Kane Brown Fans
10. Pass 10th grade…third time's a charm

9. Sell the rest of the crack and get grandma's priceless heirloom China out of hock

8. Return the "Managing Your STD" book to the library now that the internet's back up

7. Lose 15 pounds so I can fit back in my good Juicy shorts

6. Get that sorry motherf***er at Farce the Music shut down for hating on Kane

5. Stop telling my kids their daddy is in Angola - the country - when he's actually in Angola - the prison

4. Fix the hole in the trailer floor from the failed meth cook

3. Through strongly worded but grammatically incoherent YouTube comments, convince Kane he should dump his fiancee and marry me

2. Get the "Only God Can Juge Me" tattoo covered up

1. Stop calling the DMV the HPV


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