Country Bumper Stickers X

New Country Doppelgangers

Reid Perry of The Band Perry and Jared Followill of Kings of Leon. (Jared has since cleaned up his look to disassociate himself with The Band Perry, presumably)

Grace Potter of Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (and Kenny Chesney guest) looks a lot like Heidi Klum.

Brantley Gilbert and Jason Aldean look a lot alike. Can't imagine why.

Countryish singer-songwriter Corey Smith could almost pass for the white Rick Ross if he put on a hundred-fifty pounds or so.

And then there's radio show host/former music star Kix Brooks and his Village People doppelganger...

Country Koozies 3

Band Mashup: BP+PF

The Band Perry Farrell

Country Day June '11: Parody Album Covers

If/Then/Else Chart: The Band Perry

Suggested new logos for country artists #4

Click for a closer view.

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio February 2011

Just when you think it can't get any worse…..

(Click on the titles to listen)

Snap Judgments - Promo Only Country Radio February 2011

Brad Paisley - This is Country Music

If this song had come out 10 years ago, I might give it a B+. As it stands, this is more of a restating of current country music's (over)recurring themes, than it is a valiant defense of the genre. Thou doth protest too much.

C-

Steel Magnolia - Last Night Again

This sounds like the sequel to Lady A's "Need You Now." They sound good together and this is kinda, sorta something new thematically… I guess.

C+

Aaron Russell - It Don't Get No Better Than This

Sounds like a 90's C-lister. Does this hook even have any gravity these days? For you born after 1980, the title was the tag line for some beer back in the day. Busch I think. This isn't good. Like Busch.

D-

Guy Penrod - Pray About Everything

I already know what the chorus is going to say before it gets here. I was right. Oh wait, this is a Luke Bryan song too… and he did a much better job with it. This should scrape the top 60 before dropping off the chart. Good message, just a flat performance.

D

Alabama - Are You Sure Hank Done it This Way

My prejudices were proved wrong here. This is a decent cover of the Waylon classic. A little pointless since it's no kind of retooling or different direction, but it's more solid than I expected. Randy sounds a little tired, but other than that, few complaints.

C+

Kid Rock - Born Free

This is no snap judgment since I've heard this song many times already. I thought it was a pretty dull take on Bob Seger at first, but it's grown on me. Kid Rock does okay with this classic rock sound. The line "if you can't see my heart, you must be blind" irks me, despite my comprehension of metaphor. If a metaphor makes you focus on its literal meaning, it's not effective. However, I hate this song way less than I should.

B-

Crossin Dixon - Goodbye to Henry

Another 90's redux song, but this kicks Aaron Russell's ass. These guys play around here all the time, so they can't be very good though. This is the best Montgomery Gentry song in years…but they had no part in it. Not bad, not bad. Most honest angle on the death of a friend to hit country radio (though it probably won't) in a while.

B-

Miranda Lambert - Heart Like Mine

This girl's got balls. A lot of reviews have stated that this was a safe single release. I don't agree. Mentioning how Jesus drank wine is not "safe" in my neck of the woods. That could get you excommunicated from the Baptist church, friends and Larry Lee agrees. I don't just love this song, but it's strong… Miranda should spread the wealth a little. She gets all the "chick songs" with any weight.

B+

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

Even thought I've already read CM's positive review, I won't let him influence my snark. If I haven't said it before, I don't hate every Rascal Flatts song... really. This one has a nice easy groove… it's way vague though. The melodies are pretty nice and "The Voice" doesn't over-emote here. Still, it's nowhere close to guilty pleasure territory. I might not have a conniption reaching to change the dial when this comes on, but I'll never seek it out.

C

Ashton Shepherd - Look it Up

As much as I love twang and "real" country, I'm gonna confess that Ashton's drawl may be a little much for even me. Not a bad song, but the repeating of "look it up" bugs the shit out of me in this song. It's like George Strait's "Write This Down." It doesn't really fit in every instance, lyrically… and that's more annoying than clever. I root for this girl out of principle, but I don't like this song.

C-

Steve Holy - Love Don't Run

Holy gets a hit every 3 years, rain or shine. I don't know that this is the one. Maybe it could catch the right ears and ride a wave of approval like Billy Currington's latest has, but Steve doesn't have quite the pipes that Billy does so he needs a more impressive song to pull his gravy train. Kinda boring.

C+

Ricky Skaggs - Someday Soon

Hmm, not sure why this is on here. It's more commercial sounding than anything I've heard from Ricky since the early 90's, but that still doesn't mean anything to radio programmers. I like this, though. It's a galloping mid-tempo anthem that inspires without preaching. If it had a little more spark to it, I could see a more pop leaning artist taking this into the top 10 - Rascal Flatts maybe.

B+

The Band Perry - You Lie

This "band" has proven itself far better than its debut single "Hip to My Heart," with its folksy bent and shining melodies. This song isn't all that… but it's still better than most of what's on the dial. I hope they take more chances next time out (next album, single, whatever). Plenty of promise in their sound though.

B-

Randy Montana - 1,000 Faces

Pop-country-rock. Yawn. 1,000 Faces is another "microcosm of what's wrong with country radio" song. It's vague, hell the hook barely makes sense, but that won't matter… it's sung by a handsome guy with a mainstream voice over a rocking mid-tempo country track. Not even remotely interesting.

D+

Rachel Timberlake - Honky Tonk Queen

American Idol review time - This is a karaoke performance. Nothing about this says "ready for country radio." This is the big leagues… you can't send a .250 batter from single A to play first for the Red Sox. Not good.

F

Trace Adkins - Brown Chicken Brown Cow

Sucks. This .99 review says it all.

F+

David Ball - Hot Water Pipe

David won't be returning to the upper reaches of Bob Kingsley's countdown with this quaint number. And as much of an apologist as I am for traditional sounding country… I wish the traditional country artists would at least give me some stronger ammo. This isn't exciting in the least. Apparently there's some sexual innuendo here, but it's a stretch. A dull ending to an extremely uninteresting edition of the Promo Only Country series. Let's hope for some better March releases!

C-

Lyrics Illustrated: The Band Perry

Larry Lee Reviews George Strait & The Band Perry

George Strait - The Fireman

This hedonistic song is about man who fancies himself skillful at romancing women, and refers to himself by the metaphorical nickname "the fireman," indicating a self-idoling confidence in his abilities to satisfy loose females. He lists instances of his sordid adventures as evidence. One story he relates leads one to believe he is partaking in an adulterous relationship with one paramour. The listener must gather that the singer is conducting lustful thought, necking, foreplay, intercourse outside the bounds of marriage as well as possible oral deviance. This disturbingly risky behavior is recounted with a flippant attitude about the perverse activities and also a lack of regard for the potential eternal consequences (What good is it for a man to gain a harem of sexually compliant women and lose his very soul?). As such, one can only assume Mr. Strait is a wicked, unsaved man and his work is not fit for good Christian people, especially youngsters.

F

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

I believe this to be a deviant song of demonic origin. On the surface, it is presented as a lovely, poetic song about the untimely death of a young lady and her desire to be given some romanticized ritualistic type of funeral. She makes requests of the good Lord, such as to make her a rainbow after her death. This alone goes against the spirit of God's Word, but the most evil meaning of this song is below the surface of the pretty pretty words (the Devil comes to us not in the hangman's garb, but in silken clothing). After intense prayer time and discussion with others from the West Holcomb Primitive Baptist Church, I have determined that this is a song that glorifies suicide. This young lady decides to end her life (with a "sharp knife"), and why?? Because she has not yet had sexual intercourse with a man! For shame! This depraved culture has put upon our young people that their self-worth is based upon how often they engage in the sin of fornication. I tell you America, we are now bearing the fruit of the abominable seeds sown in the late 1960's. I renounce you Satan! I pray the Lord shines his light down upon this young family musical band and shows them the error of their iniquity before they split the gates of Hell wide open. I will personally wash the feet of the Perrys should they choose to know and follow the will of the Lord.

F

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio July

Welcome to the dog days. Many of these songs are lazy to fit the lazy, hell-hot middle summer months. Not lazy in a pleasant, relaxed way... just lazy. Where's my hammock?

Click the links to hear the songs.

Undo It - Carrie Underwood

The lyrics in the chorus are kindergarten-esque, but the hook hooks me for some reason (yeah, I know... you either luh uh uh uh uv it or hate it). Sure, she's had some better written songs out in the past year, but this is the only one that's stuck with me. I like it.

B-

How I Got to Be This Way - Justin Moore

How he got to be that way? I'm guessing....dad is probably 5'7", mom is 5'1"... just a guess. As for the song, it's pretty standard "I'm rough around the edges" fare. It seems like a pretty weak choice for a single IMO. Album filler does not a #1 make.

C-

I'm In - Keith Urban

I'm glad Keith keeps cutting Radney Foster songs, but even if Radney was singing this, I'd be mildly entertained then yawn.

C

While You're Still Young - Montgomery Gentry

I like the message of the song - it's not glorifying being young - just the feeling of youth. The first two verses don't bring much new to the table, but the chorus is unexpectedly memorable melodically, if not lyrically. Verse 3 brings it home in an RV to happy effect. Better than I expected.

B+

All About Tonight - Blake Shelton

A mindless party song with a melody that doesn't really go anywhere. I like some mindless party songs. I like some songs with melodies that aren't that memorable. I don't like when these two aspects intersect. I like Blake and anybody who has covered The Black Crowes' "She Talks to Angels" in concert and Chris Knight's "It Ain't Easy Being Me" on an album has a lot of money in the bank with me, but this song is a bounced check.

D+

This Ain't No Love Song - Trace Adkins

Cool. I dig this a lot. If we can't get neo-traditional and alternative country played on country radio, songs with this amount of laid back edginess and freshness will work.

B+

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

WTF? A pretty, mildly authentic sounding country song from The Band Perry, whose last single wouldn't have sounded out of place on a 90's dance floor? The token fiddle doesn't even sound that token. The Band Perry is almost forgiven for "Hip to My Heart" and their name. Almost.

B

Makes Me Go (La La) - Williams Riley

Nonsense words can be used to great effect at times. Not this time. It sounds pretty, but I won't be listening to this song again for fear the la la's might get stuck in my head. What's the deal with all the up-and-coming bands who sound like Restless Heart (the live version on the link doesn't, but the single cut does)?

C

Keep the Change - Darryl Worley

Despite the fact that I see both sides politically, I can't review this song objectively, even on a snap judgment. Basically, it's fairly catchy, I appreciate the combativeness of the hook, and this is waaaaaay smarter than his last foray into politics. I don't like it that much, but I can't bring myself to loathe it.

C+

Just Fine - Bomshel

Not bad. Just fine, in fact. Just go ahead and play 'em, country radio. They're obviously not going to stop sending you singles, and this one's better than, say, the last 3 Rascal Flatts songs, so make some room on your 20 song playlist.

C

Summer Thing - Troy Olsen

Which Apple exec does this guy have pictures of in a compromising position? His EP with this song on it has been featured on iTunes for weeks in one of those rotating marquis at the top of the country page... and I've never even heard of him. I'm flat out sick of summer songs, so even if this is the greatest, most original awe-inspiring ode to the warmer months (it isn't), I don't want to hear it again.

D+

That's Love Y'all - Bridgette Tatum

Her voice has too much soul for this to get played on Fearchannel. Pretty good song, gospel flavored, easy going and engaging. This is a summer song... and it doesn't even mention summer. Take note, songwriters.

B

Beautiful Girl - Lathan Moore

Hmm. A country song that doesn't beat you over the head with word play. A simple title/hook that's surrounded by a decent enough idea sung by a nearly memorable voice. It doesn't have a chance in hell.

B-

Satisfied - Jewel

I like Jewel. She has a cool voice, seems like a nice lady and is easy on the eyes. Some of her early releases feature some great songs. So far, I'm not enamored with her jaunt into country music. This song is meandering and forgettable.

C-

An aside: It's a real beatdown on the ears and mind to listen to these comps all at one time. This is probably what it feels like to be a stay home mom or dad who only speaks to small children all week - the adult thought processes and conversational abilities melt away.

The Snow White Rows of Arlington - Sammy Kershaw

B+

Not that Far Away - Jennette McCurdy

Jenn's second (third?) attempt at country airplay isn't bad. She has a pretty nice voice, better than another famous teen who will go nameless, but has the initials T.S. Sorry Sam, this song is boring. You could probably go somewhere with a better tune.

D

Boggy Creek - Boggy Creek

No. If the singer sounds like a poor man's Luke Bryan, the song is plain destitute. My snark tank is dry at this point.

FFFFF (sorry, key got stuck)

Don't Cuss the Fiddle - Keller & the Keels

Neat. A little bluegrass interlude. Like this a lot.

B+

Redneck Riviera - Jim Van Fleet

Back to the mindless. This is an example of a shallow song I kinda enjoy, however. It's catchier than All About Tonight and on about the same level intellectually. Nothing wrong with a fun party song and boy does the redneck riviera need some fun right about now.

C+

Doggonest Feelin' - Jeremy Parsons

Sounds like something you'd hear on Boot Liquor radio. Easy going old-timey country blues. I'm glad people are still making this kind of music, even if you'll never hear it played between Zac Brown Band and Eric Church - unless you're listening over my shoulder when I have my iTunes on shuffle (stop it, that's creeping me out!).

B

Nobody Knows - Coldwater Canyon Band

Inexplicable D-List artist submission of the month. There's some level of enjoyment to be had in the harmonies here, but little else. To be fair though, I'd much rather hear this than, say "Crazy Town," or similar crap from A-Listers.

C-

If you've made it this far, I salute you and pray for you. See you next month!

.99 Review: The Band Perry

.99 Review: The Band Perry - Hip to My Heart*

The People’s Take:

Surefire sign that the endtimes are near! (1 star) - I honestly lost faith in country radio this week when I heard this song. It’s the most trite, sorry and weak excuse for a song I have heard in my life.

- notwithstanding

As Simon would say, Simply Horrible! (1 star) - I’ve been a musician for 34 years, I’ve gone through a lot of different styles (disco comes to mind) but I can honestly say I have never done anything this bad. The lyrics are bad. They may have potential with a good writer! – javajoecool.

My Take:

Scott Borchetta already has the top “country” artist; now he’s aiming squarely at Lady Antebellum with the Band Perry for the top “country band.”

Much to my surprise, this debut single, “Hip To My Heart,” is a great start towards doing just that. It contains such cool phrases like “I like your lips like I like my coca-cola, yeah ooh how it pops and fizzes…” and “purr baby purr go ahead and say the word lets go…” but while these are clearly some of the weakest lyrics of all time, I somehow still find my foot tapping to Kimberly Perry’s kinetic Nettles-like vocal.

Despite the mandolin and fiddle fills this song is far from a country song but as far as mainstream songs go, it feels almost traditional in its arrangement and it clearly has ‘got that something’ “because brother man” The Band Perry “knows how to get hip to my heart” with this guilty pleasure.

Total Value:

.75/.99 So sue me.

Checklist:

(Checklist taking a vacation for a bit)

*Okay.... so this is obviously one of these: ****

Written by Mr. Matt Bjorke of Roughstock fame. Thanks Matt!

Oh, and this song sucks... country or not.