Levels of Country/Americana Fandom

Top 10 Ways to Be the “Next Big Thing” in Country/Americana

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

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10. Stop showering

9. Sound like Morgan Wallen

8. Have a throaty growl that sounds like you’re getting over a sinus infection

7. Get nominated for a Best New Artist award 7 years into your career

6. Only drink beer brewed within 20 miles of your home county 

5. Mention Ohio in your song but live 1 state south of there

4. Sound like Tyler Childers

3. Get a shout-out from Jay Potta

2. Grow a mustache that suggests you lost a bet

1. Sound like Zach Bryan

Bonus from Country Universe:

Be rumored to be dating Morgan Wallen

Know Your Wallens

Country Twitter Wins: April '23

8 Parody Album Covers: Bailey Zimmerman, Kip Moore, Logan Halstead, etc.

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Combs, Zach Bryan, Bailey Zimmerman

Elderly Country Songs: Bailey Zimmerman, Tim McGraw, Jason Isbell, Garth Brooks

Garth Brooks

Much Too Old

The Beaches of Punta Gorda

Poor Short Term Memory

The Scooter Rolls

Tim McGraw

My Next 10 Years

Senile and Kind

Elder Than I Used to Be

Cranky All the Time

Bailey Zimmerman

Fall in Den

Back Has a Hard Place

Fix’n to Nap

Jason Isbell

Stool Where She Sits in the Shower

Flying Over the Hill

How to Forget

Brand New Kind of Activia

3 Up, 3 Down

3 Up

Zach Bryan - Something in the Orange

I don’t have much to say about this one honestly. It’s a really good song, and it’s awesome to see this actually getting mainstream airplay. It doesn’t fit, and feels like it could be the beginning of a change… or at least the continuation of the “mildly improving country radio” trend. 

A-

Bailey Zimmerman - Rock and a Hard Place

I don’t have much to say about this one either. It’s pretty good. I just think people would be surprised I like it, so I put it here. 

B-

Carley Pearce - What He Didn’t Do

Carly continues her winning streak with this (rightly) vindictive lament of a broken relationship. It’s a country song for adults and old souls, with real emotion, well-crafted lines, an exceptional delivery, and freakin’ dobro and resonator. Damn, that’s nice. I’m a big fan. 

A

3 Down

Tyler Hubbard - Dancin’ in the Country

Insipid, for one word. Bro lite, for two. This f***ing sucks, for three. Basically, take a Florida-Georgia Line party in a pasture song, add an atmosphere of romance, and dial back the guitars and you have “Dancin’ In the Country.” You already know the storyline from 10000 songs before this, but guy and girl start out in club, guy and girl drive to the country and do cliches. There are Silverado and Luccese name drops, there’s watermelon as an adjective, there’s red dirt. And he even has the temerity to mention Alabama and Alan Jackson. Please stop, I’m tired.

D-

Parmalee - Girl in Mine

One second in and I’m sighing and mad. Straight garbage. These dudes are like if Dan + Shay were on their first cycle of testosterone therapy. Just wimpy ass pop rock not even bothering with any ties to any particular era of actual country music. Recycled melodies, listless vocals, pointless vibe; this song has it all! If you don’t know what people mean when they say “boyfriend country,” this is what they mean. Soft, inoffensive, unmemorable, non-threatening (not that a country song should necessarily threaten you unless Chris Knight is singing it). The lyrics take this one over the top to being possibly the sappiest shit you’ve ever heard. This is the peak (or nadir) of boyfriend country, I hope. 

F

Kane & Katelyn Brown - Thank God

Look, this ain’t a bad song. It’s a perfectly serviceable pop love song. I have the radio on the pop station when I take my daughter to school in the mornings, and if this came on there, I wouldn’t change the station. Nothing groundbreaking or memorable exactly, but this is a decent tune. Here comes the ‘but’ and if you’ve been around here for a while, I bet you know what it is. (In an extremely cringe boomer voice) “It ain’t country.” We can argue the parameters of that genre forever and nobody would change their mind, so I’m just gonna state my facts. There is no story. There is no country drawl. There is no fiddle. There is no steel guitar. I still think you can have a “country song” without those 4 things, but you also have to pass the sniff test. “Thank God” does not. There is not the tiniest thread in this song tying it to any definition or intuitive knowledge of COUNTRY MUSIC. Is it closer than some mainstream 'country' songs? Sure, it’s mostly acoustic. That’s about it. Ed Sheehan is mostly acoustic and he’s not “up next on MISS 103 where we play only the greatest country.” 

C+ for song     F for genre placement

Rebel Flags To Be Allowed for Morgan Wallen’s Oxford, MS Concerts

In a brief reprieve of their rules, the Vaught-Hemingway Stadium commission and the Ole Miss Athletic Department have agreed to allow Confederate flags for two nights only at the venue, during the two upcoming Morgan Wallen shows. After removing the rebel flags from football games in ’97 with their “stick ban” and giving Colonel Reb a kick several years later, the school will let Wallen fans fly it on April 22 and 23 only.

“We felt it was important to support the culture of Morgan’s music,” said Athletic Director Kenny Marter. “While we don’t agree with use of that flag… anymore, we realize many of Morgan’s fans come from a nescient background, and we don’t want 60,000 of those people feeling out of their element on our campus.”

Sales of Confederate flag merchandise will be prohibited on the University of Mississippi grounds, but show attendees may bring theirs from their large home collections, as long as “poster, flag, or other display item does not impede the view of other fans.”

Morgan Wallen’s management had no comment on the temporary stay of rules at this time, but his fans were more than eager to give their thoughts on the matter. 

“That’s freekin awesome,” said Vernajean Lucas of Panther Burn, MS in a recent Facebook post. “We can come together and celebrate are favorite music and are heritage at the same time! [sic]” Another fan, Jaxon Strickland of Flowood tweeted the following: Hell yeah, me and the boys coming up in are squatted trucks waving THE REAL OLD GLORY all the damn way, and I DO Not CARE WHO OFFENDED. Can’t wait too see my boy! [sic]

Morgan Wallen, with openers Hardy, Ernest, and Bailey Zimmerman plays April 22 & 23 at Vaught Hemingway in Oxford. The second show was added after the high demand for the original date. 

At press time, other amenities to be provided at the Wallen concerts were pickup truck accessory vendors, White Claw tastings, DUI lawyers posted up at the exits, and a Proud Boys booth.

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This is satire/fake news, duh.