The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: Oct. '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is a 2 point improvement from July (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins’ “Hell Right.” 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jamey Johnson and Chris Janson Cover Merle's "Kick the Footlights Out Again"

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Jay-Z, Kane Brown

New Video / Chris Janson / "Drunk Girl"

If this guy did more songs like this and "Holdin' Her" and stayed away from crap like "Truck Yeah" and "I Can Fix a Drink," I'd like him a lot more (and he'd be a lot less wealthy).

The 10 Worst Country Songs of 2017

We've spent all of 2017 making fun of these and other songs, so there's little else 

to do but rank the worst. No need for further criticisms or a thesaurus full of 

disgusting descriptive terms. Nothing fancy. Okay, a little fancy...

"Fix the Stink" A Chris Janson Parody

For some reason, I can only write parodies about gastric problems nowadays. 

This one's disgusting. So enjoy!

"Fix The Stink"

(A parody of Chris Janson's "Fix a Drink")

Well it's rumbling like hell inside right now

Had chalupas on the way, now there's a gassy sound

Forecast calling for some terrible shame

Well I can't fix that but I can fix the stink

From my throat to my gut then my rear end

I might break your heart when I'm breaking wind

Yeah, I need some Pepto for what's causing all this pain

Well I can't fix that, no

But I can fix the stink, make it smell nice

Light a candle or spray some Old Spice

The cheese has been cut, but I'll get you smiling

Replace the smell of shit with a tropical island

Yeah, it's me who pooted, I know it smells so wrong

This ain't sleeping gas so make sure you don't yawn

Sorry bout the slip, yeah I let it rip

Hand over that Febreeze

so I can fix the stink

I've heard it said before, beans are good for the heart

I'm wearing khakis so I hope I didn't shart

None of your friends can deal with this stank

Well I can't fix that, no

But I can fix the stink, make it smell nice

Buy a Glade plug-in or spray some Old Spice

The cheese has been cut, but I'll get you smiling

Replace the smell of shit with a tropical island

Yeah, it's me who pooted, I know it smells so wrong

This ain't sleeping gas so make sure you don't yawn

Sorry bout the slip, yeah I let it rip

Hand over that Febreeze

so I can fix the stink

I don't know what's going on with you

But you're laying on the floor and your skin's turning blue

It looks like that bomb wasn't a dud

Sorry I killed you with my butt

Oh well, I can fix the stink, make it smell nice

Hang up some air fresheners shaped like pines

You've passed away, so silent but violent

But at least this cloud of gas has a silver lining

I can make it fruity or maybe minty strong

Make it smell like honeydew or fresh cut lawns

Sorry bout the slip, yeah I let it rip

I hope you rest in peace

Uh, I can fix the stink

Honest Ad: Chris Janson "Fix a Drink"

More Shawshank Memes: Kane Brown & Chris Janson

Reginald Spears vs Chris Janson

Chris Janson Performs "Holdin' Her" on Today

3 Up, 3 Down: November '16

Three Up



Miranda Lambert - Vice
While it's good to have Miranda back on the airwaves, it's even better that it's with such a cool and different-sounding song. There's so much atmosphere in Vice… it's comfortable and uneasy at the same time. That contrast fits the theme perfectly. It also explores modern sonic textures without straying from what contemporary mainstream country ought to sound like.
A



Eric Church w/Rhiannon Giddens - Kill a Word
The perfect song for this insane election season. It's a shame few will heed its message. The violent verbiage is a great angle for such timely and timeless ideals. I've seen a lot of chatter that this is one of Church's lesser singles, but some of these folks are the very ones who need to really listen to it. Sure, it could be a little more memorable in the hook department, but an overly catchy melody might make this more of a jingle than the maxim it should be.
A


Chris Janson - Holdin' Her
Chris blocked us on Twitter long ago, presumably for making so much fun of his co-write, "Truck Yeah." That song deserved to be unmercifully ripped. This one deserves to be a big hit. It's probably the most country sounding song on the charts right now. It's a real life love song with personal details and universal appeal. Chris sounds great on the tune as well. More of this please.
A


Three  Down



Dustin Lynch - Seein' Red
Dustin started out as one of the fairly neo-traditional artists we could potentially hang some hope on. No longer. This is a straight up pop song. It starts out with a canned riff, goes into some electronically adjusted vocals, and gets no better from there. It's disco for the twenty-teens. The only reason this couldn't get played on pop radio is Dustin's twang. That doesn't make it country. Is it a good song, genre aside? No. It's bro-country shined up for the modern urban cowboy set.
D-



Michael Ray - Think a Little Less
Exactly what it sounds like. Brainless smooth bro-country. "Get you outta this bar, out of that dress"… and people call Miranda Lambert a whore. Come on. This is by-the-numbers mainstream country for 2016. Easy going verse, semi-catchy but completely copied and pasted chorus, verse, chorus, guitar solo, talk-sing bridge, chorus, vomit. I'm tired of this garbage.
F+


Luke Bryan - Move
Utter shit. We've done enough memes and tomfoolery about this song to cover any words that could be said here. Let's hope this is bro-country's death wheeze.
F

New Video: Chris Janson - Holdin' Her

Yep, we'll even post stuff from people who've blocked us on Twitter... 

when it doesn't suck, and this doesn't.

Farce's Wall of Honor Gets a Major Upgrade

The Farce the Music Wall of Honor

We here at FTM consider it a positive, nay a victory, when an enemy of truth in country music on Twitter has finally had their fill of brutal honesty from us and blocks our account. While still nowhere near the level we hope to achieve, we've had at least 6 well known artists/head honchos deem us unworthy of reading their tweets. Witness, the FTM Wall of Honor!

And welcome our new crown jewel, none other than Mr. Luther Bryan!

Had to go back and add the infamous Mikel Knight, Country Rap King, as well...

Parody Album Covers: Chris Janson, Willie Nelson, etc.

  

Hmmm...

Monday Morning Memes: CMAs, Johnny Cash, Chris Janson

Honest Billboard Chart Update - Sept. 2015

Click the image if you have trouble reading it

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Chris Janson - Buy Me a Boat

The Farce the Music Wall of Honor

We here at FTM consider it a positive, nay a victory, when an enemy of truth in country music on Twitter has finally had their fill of brutal honesty from us and blocks our account. While still nowhere near the level we hope to achieve, we've had at least 5 well known artists/head honchos deem us unworthy of reading their tweets. Witness, the FTM Wall of Honor!

Had to go back and add the infamous Mikel Knight, Country Rap King, as well...

Chris Janson Gets a Meme

Chris Janson, singer of current top 5 hit "Buy Me a Boat," has pre-emptively blocked FTM on Twitter (possibly because he was a cowriter on "Truck Yeah" that we ripped to shreds years ago?), so I guess it's time to give him a reason.