Jeremy Made a Johnny Paycheck Meme

These things are getting out of hand.

All-Star Tribute to Tom Petty / Outlaw Cruise / "Free Fallin'"

Nikki Lane & Jonathan Tyler / Outlaw Cruise / "Love's On Fire"

The Farce 5: A Dumb Interview With Jaime Wyatt

by Jeremy Harris

I caught up with the very talented Jaime Wyatt after a Shooter Jennings set and during my drunkest stint of the 3rd Outlaw Country Cruise. Somehow I managed to mess up the recording by drunkenly stopping and starting the recording app on my phone but I managed to remember enough to type this up. I doubt I got it all but I’m surprised I even remembered any of it.

Farce: Are you ready for the worst five questions in music?

Jaime: Sure

Farce: If you could only pick one, what (I can’t even spell what I said here) of music would you put yourself into?

Jaime: Are you trying to say genre?

Farce: Yes but very drunk.

Jaime: Uh, American

Farce: You’ve been out touring and hanging with other singer so which artist you’ve been around takes takes the stinkiest shits?

Jaime: You know I’m a lady right?

Farce: Yeah, but I’m sure they throw you in a room with guys at shows sometimes.

Jaime: (She’s now putting serious thought into this) Well, the other day on the bus there was a smell. I’m not sure who did it with everyone in there and it’s hard to tell on a bus but I’ll say it was Ted. (bassist Ted Russell Kamp)

Farce: Have you ever pretended to remember a fan that you've encountered so they'd quit telling you why you should know them?

Jaime: No I can’t lie, I just tell them I don’t remember. I’m very honest.

Farce: Can’t fault you for that.

Farce: Can you describe your worst hotel experience?

Jaime: Oh shit, I can’t remember the name of the hotel (and I was drunk and hit the stop recording button so we are officially relying on my drunken memory) but there was a party and the management and law showed up.

Farce: Probably better off we don’t remember for lawsuit sakes. If you could make a singer or band disappear forever who would it be and why?

Jaime: I hope you wont be offended.

Farce: I don’t give a shit.

Jaime: It’s Nickelback.

Farce: Hell no that’s a great answer. I don’t think that would offend anyone on this boat. Thanks Jaime, I’ve got to go tell Shooter he’s an asshole. (He heard me)

Jaime: Thank you for doing this.

----

Editor's Note: Please go purchase some music from Jaime to make this up to her somehow. 

--> Felony Blues

Elizabeth Cook Performs "Exodus of Venus" on the Outlaw Cruise

Jeremy's Top 20 Albums of 2017

Raw and unedited

by Jeremy Harris

20. Ha Ha Tonka “Heart-Shaped Mountain” - I can’t remember how many of these Trailer wanted comments for.... oh well. 

19. John Moreland “Big Bad Luv” - From the album cover and name you’d think rap. From the sound of his voice you’d think awesome. 

18. Steve Earle & The Dukes “So You Wannabe An Outlaw” - On a scale of 1 to Steve Earle, how do you feel about Trump? Just kidding, Steve steers clear. 

17. Otis Gibbs “Mount Renraw” - Every year Otis complains about year end lists and the critics that compose them. I consider myself exempt this year. 

16. Left Lane Cruiser “Claw Machine Wizard” - Rock isn’t dead, it’s just hiding on this album. 

15. Nikki Lane “Highway Queen” - My daughter’s favorite singer absolutely kills it with this one. Hopefully my daughter doesn’t find her duet with Wheeler Walker Jr. 

14. Blitzen Trapper “Wild and Reckless” - Crap! I just found out I only had to add notes to at least 5 of these. 

13. The Hooten Hallers “Self Titled” - You won’t find very many small bands than can match this energy. None can match this sound. 

12. Bob Wayne “Bad Hombre” - Nobody sings about their life more than Bob. Thankfully he has an interesting life on the road. 

11. Chris Stapleton “From A Room: Volume 1” - There’s a magic formula that combines the best of 1 and 2 that makes it a much better album. With this formula 1 tops 2 by a lot. 

10. Jason Isbell “The Nashville Sound” - If ‘Vampires’ doesn’t make you cry you may be a zombie. 

9. Lukas Nelson “Promise of the Real” - Lukas topped his dad this year. His best release so far. 

8. Zac Brown Band “Welcome Home” - There’s a grumpy, single guy in Kentucky that’s gonna give me hell on twitter over this one. 

7. Jason Eady “Self Titled” - Eady does it again. Another great album. 

6. Turnpike Troubadours “A Long Way From Your Heart” - Find the story behind ‘Pay No Rent’ then listen again. 

5. Travis Meadows “First Cigarette” - There’s some real sad stuff on this one. If Isbell makes you feel weird and emotional, Travis Meadows will bring you down even more. 

4. Justin Payne “Coal Camp-EP” - There’s a rule that an EP can’t make a year end list. There’s also a rule that an EP shouldn’t be this good. If Just had a couple more songs on here he’s a solid top 3. Not fleecing me on a trade in fantasy football would’ve helped too. 

3. Joshua James “My Spirit Sister” - Sons of Anarchy was a good show that featured great music. Joshua James was one of the best featured artist. 

2. Hellbound Glory “Pinball” - This may be the best Leroy Virgil or whatever his name is now’s best album yet. 

1. Tyler Childers “Purgatory” - I’ve been waiting on this album for 3 years. It was worth the wait but I’m not willing to wait that long for Tyler’s next one. 

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

If Cole Swindell ran outside naked in a snowstorm, he'd be invisible

Luke Bryan never hangs his stockings by the fireplace because 

he’d feel silly wearing his garter belt without them

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Brantley Gilbert realized he couldn’t count that high

Neal McCoy's "Take a Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take a Knee)" was originally about 

Game of Thrones' Jon Snow and was titled "Bend the Knee, My Arse (I Shan't Bend the Knee)"

If Sturgill Simpson doesn’t do a Farce The Music 

interview we will start a rumor he punched Santa

There is a 100% chance Kenny Chesney will be a fan 

of this year's college football playoff champion

The previous fact will be recycled annually for eternity 

Justin Moore has lost 75% of his fame since Trailer stopped photoshopping him 

on shelves around Christmas  (Editor's note: or Scotty McCreery, whichever)

Sturgill Simpson recently punched Santa at a mall. More details to come. 

All pictures of Shooter Jennings on a shelf are not Photoshopped 

Gary Levox’s New Year’s resolution is to be less awkward in photos

The 2017 Time Magazine Person of the Year is every woman 

that has ever recorded ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’

David Lee Murphy has a song on the country chart. No really, I’m serious about that one.

Asking for more women on country radio and getting Bebe Rexha is like 

asking for a Washington outsider to be president and getting... never mind 

Every time "Humble and Kind" plays on the radio, Spade Cooley rolls in his grave

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All but 3 of these by Jeremy Harris

Top 15 Things Rarer Than a Solar Eclipse in Nashville

 Top 15 Things Rarer Than a Solar Eclipse in Nashville

by Jeremy Harris and Trailer

15. An open mic night without "Wagon Wheel"


14. Shooter Jennings walking down Music Row in shorts

13. A Stanley Cup hockey championship


12. A country exec with any 2 of the following: brains, balls, integrity

11. Thomas Rhett singing in key


10. A Kane Brown fan who won't have retinal damage after today

9. 20 square feet of sidewalk without a douchebag on it


8. A local eating at FGL house


7. Colt Ford and Gary Levox eating salads

6. A sober bridesmaid

5. A songwriting session with less than 5 people in attendance


4. Luke Bryan shopping for relaxed fit jeans

3. An irreplaceable landmark some developer wouldn't happily bulldoze 

to put up another apartment building …or carwash


2. A woman on the country charts who isn't counted against the quota

1. A departed country legend not rolling in his/her grave daily

The Farce 5: A Dumb Interview with Tyler Childers

About a year ago, I decided I needed some quick questions to pop out in case I ran into someone who would be an interesting person to talk to for Farce The Music. I wanted the questions to be a mix of aggravating and stupid but not so many questions that it’d take forever to type up afterwards. I decided on five and would call them The Farce 5. Catchy ain’t it? In April of this year, I attended a Tyler Childers show at Ohio’s worst kept secret, Tootle’s Pumpkin Inn located in Circleville. I asked Tyler that if he had about five minutes because I had a very short interview I’d like to do. A few minutes later he came to me and The Farce 5 was underway. Enjoy.

by Jeremy Harris
 FTM: If you can only pick one, what genre of music would you put yourself into to?
TC: One? I guess country? It’s hard to pick one. I just always considered it hillbillies making mountain sounds. It’s a little bit country, a little Appalachian but if it’s one, probably rap. I’ll go with rap. 
FTM: That’s good. Rap seems popular these days and the kids love it. It’s a good way to get yourself introduced to a younger crowd.

FTM: I know there’s been times where you’ve shared a dressing room with other artist, so which of your fellow artist takes the stinkiest shits? 
TC: [Whispers to self: Stinkiest shit?] I would say it would probably be Arlo McKinley. He takes the stinkiest shit. 
FTM: But he has such a sweet voice. 
TC: Yeah, but the other end ain’t so sweet man. It’s pretty nasty. 
FTM: Well, I’ll try to stay on the voice end. 
TC: Cheeseburgers and beer can be a bad equation.

FTM: Has there ever been a time when you pretended to remember a fan you’ve encountered so they would quit telling you why you should know them? 
FTM: On a side note, we’ve met like three times. 
TC: Yeah, I remember. Yeah I guess. That will make them go away.

FTM: Describe your worst hotel experience. 
TC: I stayed in a place in Tulsa and I can’t remember what the place was but there was a 1-1/2 to 2 inch space under all the doors. when you were walking you could everything that was happening in each hotel room and the walls were paper thin. We go there and the guy next door he was, he was just being a real asshole to this woman and you’d hear him stay stuff like “Damnit!”, then he’d go on a big rant. I just kept thinking, that poor girl, and then after he did it like three times she just tore into him. Everything that he had said abusively, verbally didn’t hold a light to what she did to him. I was like, that poor guy… 
FTM: You didn’t expect that did you? 
TC: No, I didn’t expect that. There was a lot of arguing, stinky sheets and a stinky place.

FTM: Alright, last question. If you could make one singer or band disappear forever, who would it be and why? 
TC: Hmmm, disappear. Probably, uh… I was thinking Gomer Pyle. The fact that he had that gorgeous voice just took so much away from the comedy side. So if you could keep Gomer Pyle as Gomer but take out all that singing shit that’d be great.
 FTM: Thanks Tyler. I’ll get this all turned in within the next two days to six months. [barely made it]

Little Known Facts Returns!

Sam Hunt celebrated his longest reigning Billboard Hot Country song of all time with a goblet of Perrier garnished with kiwi and a new pair of wide cropped trousers

Taylor Swift has been pondering a return to country music, but feels that the current scene is "too pop" for her

I wonder if mentioning that Upchurch guy or Luke Combs gets people to visit this site? Only one way to find out....

Bucky Covington is currently in the studio working on his new album*
*in the food truck grilling some brats

Former AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson is expected to release a country album in 2018 titled 'For Those About To Mud (We'll Drink a Cold One To That)'

Martina McBride once bet Reba a single's royalty payments she could kill a bottle of Rumple Minze in 30 seconds. That's how she paid for the indoor shooting range in her house.

Upon further investigation, Cody Jinks may be the devil

The Nashville zoo once went on lockdown due to a gorilla escape until they realized it was just Dylan Scott

Every 6-8 months I google 'Colt Ford' to make sure he's still alive so I can write facts about him and not seem like too much of an ass

Kyle Park is derivative, obsequious, facile, and parochial. For you Texas music fans, that means he's no different from mainstream country

Tyler Childers has become so famous that the Taco Bell in Louisa, Kentucky cleaned their bathroom in his honor

Kelsea Ballerini is as cute as a button and twice the singer

FTM was gonna start a @BedazzledLukeBryan Twitter account but all our planned posts just looked like Luke Bryan's


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by Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Supersuckers Perform "Going Back to Tucson" (Outlaw Country Cruise)

Chris Knight Performs "Becky's Bible" (Outlaw Country Cruise)

Elizabeth Cook Performs "Exodus of Venus" (Outlaw Country Cruise)

Joe Ely "The Road Goes On Forever" (Outlaw Country Cruise)

Jeremy Harris went on the Outlaw Country Cruise last week and got several videos of the performances. We're also hoping to get some sort of write-up of events from Mr. Harris, but don't count on it from that scoundrel. Anyway, here's the first of his recordings we'll share.

Little Known Facts: Outlaw Country Cruise Edition

Little Known Facts: Outlaw Country Cruise Edition
AKA 'Rubbing It In Trailer's Face That He's Not Going'

By Jeremy Harris

While at sea, Donald Trump will sign an executive order preventing 

Steve Earle from reentering America. Steve won't mind.

Shooter Jennings will be late for at least one show because 

Jessi Colter will forget to sign him out of daycare.

The Band Perry are a late addition to the cruise. 

Luckily for them they all got the same shift in the kitchen.

There is a waiting list of seagulls that want to play 

in Chicken Shit Bingo with Dale Watson.

Crew members will have to move the Mojo Nixon swear jar 

to the center of the ship to prevent capsizing.

Nobody will wonder where Luke Bryan is. They also won't give a shit.

Brian Kendrick will not be on RAW on February 27th.

The cruise will last several additional days after 

Elizabeth Cook overtakes the captain.

When asked if he's bringing any produce aboard, 

Eddie Spaghetti will hope they mean vegetables.

Brantley Gilbert tried to get on the cruise but you have to 

have a bank account to purchase tickets.

Pirates around the world have warned each other not to mess with this cruise. 

Reason: Billy Joe Shaver

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2016 Edition

 Krampus is a mythical beast who punishes unruly children during the
Christmas season. Justin Moore has to show him ID every year

All Luke Bryan wants for Christmas is his two front testicles

Charlie Daniels recently sat down on a Nashville mall bench and a line of 

children looking for Santa suddenly formed in front of him

Santa added Dasher to his chili after he told Santa his favorite country singer was Sam Hunt

For Christmas this year, Miranda Lambert simply asks for peace, understanding, 

and "shut the f**k up about Blake Shelton every time I do a damn interview"

Gary Levox's ban from all central Ohio Golden Corral restaurants expires on January 1st 2017

Hank 3 will attempt to spend Christmas with his dad this year but it will end badly 

when he receives 'It's About Time' on cd as his gift

Golden Corral stock is a smart investment for 2017

Mattel is coming out with a new Holiday Country Barbie based on Kelsea Ballerini, 

but it just looks like a regular Barbie

Santa decided that anyone who puts anything Florida-Georgia Line on 

their Christmas list will receive a lump of coal and a Justin Wells cd instead

Since it's the time of sharing, I'm sharing the fact that Jason Aldean is 

an ass with everyone that will listen

Since Farce The Music didn't feature Scotty McCreery on a shelf this year, 

his sales dropped to only 1 album this winter

WWE wrestler Brian Kendrick requested December off to work as an elf at Macy's 

so Shooter Jennings has been filling in for him in the ring

Kenny Rogers is thankful for the cold weather because it gives him an excuse for the frozen face

Millions of children won't get their presents until December 26th due to Santa losing 

his sense of urgency after stopping at Willie Nelson's house

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Mostly by Jeremy Harris

Top 10 Things Kane Brown Fans Want for Christmas

10. Puberty

 

9. Batteries for the hearing aid that hasn't worked since 2013

 

8. Hello Kitty iPhone 4s case

 

7. To know which local professional wrestler is their daddy

 

6. Lightbar for their foriller

 

5. Neighbor's wifi password

 

4. Extra cake in the prison cafeteria

 

3. Donations to their cancer hoax Kickstarter campaign

 

2. Drugs, lots of drugs

 

1. My six front teeth

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By Trailer with help from Jeremy Harris

Top 10 Conspiracies Shooter Jennings Can Cover Next

 

To celebrate the release of the Black Ribbons Ultimate Edition, Shooter Jennings has been running a podcast recently called Beyond the Black. In it he discusses the conspiracy-minded topics covered on that dystopian album. Jeremy counted down the best topics Shooter can cover on future episodes!

(and it's a top 11)

Top 11 Upcoming Topics For 

Shooter Jennings' Beyond The Black Podcasts

11. David Allan Coe was never picked up by the ghost of Hank Williams. 

10. All Colt Ford songs are secretly written about independent wrestler Die Hard Tom McClane. 

9. Bambi's mom was an inside job. 

8. Earl Thomas Conley schedules his tour dates around the Seattle Seahawks schedule. Coincidence?

7. 'Walking Dead' scenes that show destroyed urban areas are actually drone footage from outdoor bro-country concerts. 

6. The earth is a simulation created by Richard Garriott.

5. Randy Quaid and Gary Levox have never been seen together. Tune in to find out why. 

4. Proof that Sturgill Simpson is actually a reptile alien made of light. 

3. Detroit was booming until Kid Rock went country. The connection is there!

2. Two members of Jackson Taylor's band are NOT sinners. 

1. Billy Ray Cyrus died in a rollerblading accident and was saved when doctors working as consultants on the show 'Doc' stole Elvis' brain and implanted it into his head. The show was cancelled shortly after because he constantly wanted to sing 'Love Me Tender' during every episode. (This title may need to be shortened before airing the show)

-by Jeremy Harris

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Have Played On Country Radio Than Steven Tyler

List by Jeremy Harris - "Graphics" by Trailer

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Have Played

On Country Radio Than Steven Tyler

10. Gary Levox singing about the new Chicken McGriddles

9. An announcement about a Chris Gaines comeback tour

8. My grandma talking dirty to me

7. Steve Earle and Rush Limbaugh talking politics

6. "All shows/music have been cancelled and 

we will play Bobby Bones on repeat 24/7"

5. A news update listing me as number 1 on the FBI's most wanted list

4. Aerosmith

3. "All NCAA schools except one have been given bowl and tourney bans,

making Ohio State national champions in all sports"

2. Brantley Gilbert.... no wait, that's too far

 

1. Morgan Freeman reading my porn search history

Little Known Facts: July 2016

Kane Brown is so country, he knows every word to "Dirt Road Anthem."

Shooter Jennings is the first night headliner for the 2016 Gathering of the Juggalos.

We Hate Pop Country has a secret stash of Rascal Flatts and Shania Twain CDs at their headquarters.

The phrase "Turd in the punch bowl" is being replaced by "Brantley at Willie's Picnic."

Kelsea Ballerini's next album will have more autobiographical songs, like 

"OMG Guys I'm Like So Drunk" and "Payola Princess."

Lee Greenwood's yearly relevance just peaked.

Cole Swindell is completely hairless.

Everyone that played Martina McBride's 'Independence Day' on Independence Day is an idiot.

Blake Shelton's middle name, Tollison, comes from the Anglo-Saxon term meaning "mailing it in."

When not busy with his own schedule, Pitbull tours as The Mavericks keyboard player.

Scott Borchetta has a tattoo of Baphomet on his inner thigh.

Most people don't know that Axl Rose replaced Chris Stapleton in The Steeldrivers.

Miranda Lambert's new music has been delayed because her record company didn't think radio 

would be comfortable with all the uses of "motherf***ker" and "son of a bitch."

Sam Hunt is just a regular guy who puts his 

wide-leg cropped trousers on one leg at a time like all of us.

Even though he was never entered, Gary Levox was the Las Vegas favorite 

to win the Nathan's hot dog eating competition.

This fakt haz bin ritten fonnetiklee so that FGL fanz kan reed it.

A group of Luke Bryan fans accidentally attended a Luke Bell show last week. 

They now think Luke Bryan sucks. 

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By Trailer and Jeremy Harris