Dec 4, 2013
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Rich O'Toole - Too Good to Call
Aug 15, 2013
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Luke Bryan - That's My Kinda Night
Apr 25, 2013
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Casey Donahew Band - Go To Hell
Casey Donahew Band - Go To Hell
Listen here if ye dare.
Children of the Lord, this song is a laundry list of sin and despair.
Behold all the evils the Casey Donahew Band sells to its fans:
Drunkenness
Sexual impropriety
Foul language
Spite
Threats of violence
Hate
Facebooking
Crime
Revenge
More drunkenness
Sinners |
The biggest sin the "CDB" has committed with this song is that they will cause young "CDB" fans to stumble. How many trucker-capped, fist pumping young men will follow the band down this Texas highway to Hell? This song is pretty catchy, so it will certainly appeal to the younger demographic and all the "attitude" (which is really just a code word for "Hate of Jesus") will cause their hormone addled minds to see this sort of behavior as "cool" or "tight, yo."
I will pray for this band and its fans tonight. I will lift them up and ask the heavenly Father to help them turn away from humanism and vice before they join such "icons" of that lifestyle as Johnny Paycheck and Hank Williams in perdition.
My rating for this reprehensible song:
F!
Feb 19, 2013
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Corb Lund - Bible on the Dash
Corb Lund (featuring Hayes Carll) - Bible on the Dash
(listen at this link)
This song is about using the Holy Word as a smoke screen to throw cops off the trail of any illicit behavior by sinful musicians touring the south. I am so turned off by this vulgar premise, I can hardly listen to the song.
I assume Mr. Lund and Mr. Carll were partaking of the devil's vine and suckling at the devil's teat before proceeding on their hell-ride from town to town, proselytizing to the trucker cap and pearl-snap shirt wearing masses. Being the enlightened liberal sort, they assumed it was okay for them to disregard some local trivialities such as red lights and speed limits. Being from the' open-minded' great white north and the self-important state of Texas, these two are already high on themselves, so it must have made for quite the ego trip.
When the yocal sheriff or deputy dared to approach their sin-chariot, one of these two jackwads made sure to slap a stolen Gideon Bible on the dash like some handicap placard in a Walmart parking lot. For shame. The Word is not a shield for iniquities. It is a sword against the same.
I feel bad for these enforcement officers, unwise to the worldliness of these jaded Americana purveyors. I feel worse for the souls of Carll and Lund. Each time they performed this ruse, ol' Satan himself turned up the temperature of their future holding cells a few degrees, laughing through his fearsome teeth all the while.
If I hear of either of these vile artists putting on a show in my state (probably in the wretched sin-den of Oxford), I will alert local authorities to their scam. Perhaps you should overlook the cheap, unruffled pages of the Holy tome and use the good sense the Lord gave you. If it smells like the mary jane, and drives like an idiot on COPS and bears the reddened eyes of a pot junky, perhaps this is not the touring van of a Christian artist. No sir, these fellows are spreading evil and should be brought to justice.
"Bible on the Dash" is not so much a song as it is encouragement for other wayward singers to use the same dastardly fraud to get away with their crimes against decency and God. Corb and Hayes, fall upon your knees and beg Him to set your path toward righteousness.
F
Jan 16, 2013
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Ray Wylie Hubbard's Letterman Appearance
I should have known this newest song/video Trailer had for me to review would be particularly nefarious since the video in question is filmed in New York City on the stage of that intern philandering David Letterman. Sin abounds! Trailer, does your conscience have no reins?
I won't even bother with scripture this time. You'll know quickly enough how closely Satan himself hides behind this work of art. And yet, the media allowed Mr. Ray Wylie Hubbard to preach his lifestyle across the airwaves. Should we be surprised?
Just look at this homeless-looking individual talking over the Devil's music in the background. And he's talking about what? Strippers and drinking establishments and whatnot. That's whatnot. Oh and it gets even better.
This Mr. Hubbard, if that is truly his name tells the sordid story of selling his father's car, without permission, for the money to buy a guitar ...on which to play these dirty stories. Sin is an endless cycle, my friends. An endless cycle that'll spin you off its wheel into hell when your time is done.
The last part of the song describes Ray Wylie's scandalous means of providing himself with female companionship at the end of one night at this sin-den where the women are stumbling-blocks and the men are brain-dead fools led around by their kickstand. I feel stained just having written to you about all this manner of vice and profligacy.
And yet again, as if all this degeneracy weren't enough to win him Hell's employee of the week without even working there yet, Mr. Hubbard has the gall to marry the underage door girl. Friends and saints, if Obama has fooled you into seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, just know that it is not a light, but the incandescent flickering of the flames of HELL. I advise those of you who soil your senses with this sickness to repent now. NOW I SAY TO YOU!!!!
F
Oct 4, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Kyle Park - The Night is Young
Kyle Park - The Night is Young
Listen to the song here.
Aug 16, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Jul 18, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Kip Moore - Beer Money
(listen at this link, if you wish to soil your soul)
May 24, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Craig Morgan - Corn Star
Apr 26, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: The Lacs - 190 Proof
Sinners. And proud of it. |
Mar 8, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Rich O'Toole - Drunk Girl
Feb 14, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Josh Abbott Band - Touch
Jan 25, 2012
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Rascal Flatts - Banjo
Dec 13, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Sunny Sweeney's Christmas Song
Sunny Sweeney - One More Christmas Beer
Merry Christmas everyone. Notice I didn't say Happy Holidays, but that ain't got anything to do with fighting back against the "war on Christmas." Nope, there's a difference between merry and happy - merry is temporary, happy is lasting… my mother-in-law will be visiting this year, so while I can put on a merry face for Christmas, my holidays will not in fact be very happy.
And I'm even less happy about this Sunny Sweeney and her "One More Christmas Beer." Even in my drinking days, I wasn't so bold before the Lord as to partake of demon spirits during the season of Jesus' birth.
How dare this strumpet, who I shall refer to as "Sinny," use the most Holy of Christian holidays to promote her addiction to alcohol?!? Would she open a beer with a cross shaped bottle opener? Would she fill a baptismal with red wine? Would she take Jim Beam and pretzels at Communion?
Isaiah 5, Verse 22 says "Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine and champions at mixing drinks." I'm guessing Sinny never read that verse or others that speak ill of drunkards like this tart. In fact, I'd be quite shocked if this lushy trollop ever opened a Bible that wasn't in the nightstand of her seedy hotel love-nest.
This song will surely cause Christians and those who should be to stumble this holiday season. It will cause those who've sworn off the lifestyle of drinking until they forget how to get back to the Seminary to long for such blissful days. She makes getting tanked to avoid the frustrations of dealing with difficult relatives sound like something pleasurable…. very pleasurable indeed.
I have to remind myself and Sinny that the drunken will not inherit the Kingdom of God. They shall reap hangovers, lost hours and the dirty looks of judgmental aunts.
Do not be filled with wine, in which lies the path to ruin! Be filled with the Spirit my brothers and sisters! Stay strong! No matter how many times that mother-in-law of yours expects you to read her mind about where the Christmas tree should be or says you aren't good enough for her daughter. Those are just examples of what you may experience ….that's got nothing to do with me.
This song, though… it's got bad words, bad behavior and promotion of the sweet escapism of a tempting but ruinous habit.
I give Sinny and this morally corrupt song the full strength of an:
F
Nov 9, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Wade Bowen
Hello everybody. I have returned for another turn pontificating about a piece of secular music. I am particularly distraught right now, because my home state of Mississippi last night determined that they hate little babies and wish for them to die. With this breach of moral priorities in mind, I'll strive to deliver some clear thoughts about this song "Saturday Night" by Mr. Wade Bowen.
On the surface, this seems the kind of message I could get behind. Bowen asks why people enjoy the sin and frivolity of Saturday nights. I ask this every Sunday morning, my eyes pausing to rest on a couple of teens slumping in their pews and Louie Reynolds, who recently left his wife and has been seen cavorting at a place called Pardners. In any case, this is a good question. If only the reason behind his disdain for Saturday nights was a pure and good one.
However, Mr. Bowen only dislikes Saturday night because his woman (presumably a woman, but you never know with these liberal Texas types) left him on a Saturday night. This has made him cranky about "drunk girls" he wishes the bartender would kick out and a band that's playing music too loud and a couple who is likely necking in a pleather booth. While these things also get my boxer shorts in a knot, I am opposed to them because I am righteous and Jesus-seeking, not because some female set me free.
If Bowen only finds self-worth in the wanton arms of a barroom floozy, then he is surely bound to someday find his final comforts in the warm and ruddy arms of Satan himself. Also, he admits to drinking amidst his pain and his annoyances. Strong drink is never a solution, it can only be a problem unto itself. Oh, one more thing… he tosses off "nothing but Sunday morning waiting for me at home" as if that is his only option. Find yourself in a church pew telling God you trust in his Word, Mr. Bowen, not hugging the American Standard and telling God lies about how you won't pursue the evils of alcohol again!
While this song is fairly pleasing upon the ears, it is a carrier of dark notions and a bearer of sin. I can only pray and shake my head for Bowen, the fans of his music and you, my reader who will probably disregard my warnings and enjoy this turd that the Dark Lord himself excreted. Repent! Repent I say!
F
Oct 9, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Nickelback - Bottoms Up
Sep 19, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Trent Tomlinson
I am told the singer of this song is well known for running around with lots of random women, so right off the top I've got a lot of jealousy disrespect towards this fellow. Him and his young, handsome looks and trendy doo-rag.
The first verse reveals him to be an untrustworthy narrator from the start. He mentions partying too hard, which is code for imbibing on alcoholic beverages and hanging around smoky drinking establishments hoping to entice scantily clad young women to have intercourse with him. There is so much sin inherent to this lifestyle, it's no wonder so many twenty-somethings who lose their lives early are on the Amtrak straight to Hell's train station.
Now, while the next verse is fine spiritually, the chorus of this song is truly Biblically incorrect. It says that a man who doesn't have a woman is lost. Really? Is that what you think, Mr. Tomlinson? Perhaps you haven't met my wife, but that's an aside for another day. What's at stake here is Trent's final resting place.
Yay verily a man is only lost without the Lord. A man without a woman may lack someone to cook his meals, clean his abode, raise his children, iron his clothes, wash his truck, plan his schedule, pay the bills, buy groceries and help entertain guests, but he is most certainly NOT lost. This is false teaching.
Mr. Tomlinson goes on to have the main character of this song question God's plan in the bridge. He wonders why our Heavenly Father took his woman but hasn't taken him yet. Give us a huge break, sir. Possibly the Lord still needs the man's services as a Walmart greeter or diabetes commercial spokesperson. It is not for us to question God's timing.
In summation, A Man Without a Woman, while not as prurient or vile as most Trashville musical selections, is still a troubling discourse on man's misplaced priorities in this sin-driven society. Abstain from giving it audience and most certainly, disregard its foul woman-centric message. Eve is in Hell.
D-
Aug 30, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Brantley Gilbert
Brantley Gilbert - Hell on an Angel
I was appalled by the title of this song from the start. Why do so many country singers feel the need to promote that dark realm in their songs? Also, I'm no scholar but the frequent usage of "hell" in country songs as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, interjection, dangling participle and whatever else can't be correct. Can I get a Amen!?
I have another question. Why is this song labeled as "country?" It is clearly a southern rock song like that infernal Lynyrd Skynryd and dirty rednecks like that. Brantley Gilbert looks way more like a biker man than a good old Christian country boy. You don't see me going around calling myself Larry Lee the United Methodist, do you? That would be ridiculous ...because I'm not a drunk.
Anyway, the song… It actually had potential and I thought it was a song of spiritual redemption until he called God "baby." I was all like WTF (Why the falsehood)? And then I was like "oh no he didn't." I'm sorry for all the slang, I've been filling in some at the South Holcomb Missionary Baptist Church while the Right Reverend Percival G. Sparks recovers from shingles and I picked up a little of that yang, homeys.
This song worships the false idols of love and females. This man was a sinner and claims to have been redeemed by the fairer se… uh, a woman. Not only is this false teaching, it goes against human nature as well. Women have more evil in one brain cell than a man has in his entire body (not counting the no-no place below his abdomen). Also, Eve was the first sinner. That's good enough for me to know that no salvation ever came at the hands of a female and that a man should always lead the way. Don't tell my wife I said that though.
I believe this Brantley Gilbert only changed his ways for the promise of sexual favors, not true love. There is only one true love and that is with da big poppa in da sky. Believe dat, gee!
You might have guessed that this song has earned the following grade:
F