Bootleg Country Shirts: Tyler Childers, Luke Combs, Tim McGraw, George Jones

Deadline for Dumbass Summer Pop-Country Singles Rapidly Approaching

Though we’ve barely stepped foot into Spring, the deadline for stupid-ass, shallow, moronic, brand name filled, pandering pop-country summer songs is quickly nearing. With the slow movement of the charts these days, a song released now might have a chance of peaking by late August or early September, unless your name is Luke Combs or Morgan Wallen. 

Word out of Nashville says around 43 B, C, and D-list artists were preparing to drop tunes about skinny dipping, trucks, feet on dashes, cut off jeans, girls in trucks, trucks in mud, bonfires in fields, sex in a field, beer in a truck, and the July moon in the next couple of weeks. Though most of these will never climb into the top 40, the braindead, embarrassing, numbskull summer song is a tried and true tradition for artists every year, even if they’re simply going through the motions. 

Even country legends have fallen into this trite formula in the past, with Clint Black (“Summer’s Coming”) and Travis Tritt (“Girls Gone Wild”) putting out their doofiest, most cringe-worthy songs simply with the hopes that country fans would like to listen to songs about what they’re doing in summer while they’re doing it. 

Up and comer Chance Russell is excited about his forthcoming debut single “Livin’ for the Summer.” “It’s about you know, living, and summer, and making sure to be living for the summer.” said a smiling Russell as he signed off on the final mix, replete with computerized drums and meticulously corrected vocals. 

In writer’s rooms across Nashville, some were still trying to bang out empty-headed bangers at the last minute. 9 dudes were attempting to find a rhyme for ‘hard seltzer’ in one plush office, while 13 guys and one girl were adding some last minute slang to their shit-for-brains summer slapper in the suite next door. 

Other titles to be on the lookout for include:

“Married in Myrtle”

“White Claw Can, Fresh Spray Tan”

“Redneck Vibe Check”

“Dirt Road Drip”

“Left My Heart on Miramar”

That's What I'm Looking For

 

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Garth Brooks, Travis Tritt

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs: Christmas Edition

When Santa comes through with a vintage Travis Tritt muscle shirt

When your friend starts playing "Hard Candy Christmas" at the Christmas party

When the neighbor kid's rolling coal and cranking FGL in his Christmas present

When you keep asking Santa for that Hank Sr. box set that's out of print

Billy Strings fans on Christmas Eve

When somebody tweets that they're sad Walker Hayes' new album isn't out yet so they can get it for Christmas

If there was a Christmas remix of "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"

Well excuse me but I think you've got my chair

My present to people who call me a liberal for making fun of Jason Aldean 

Monday Morning Memes: Travis Tritt, Reba, Cash, Christmas

 

The Beverly Hillbillies Country Reaction Gifs

 When you're deep into a second jar and Bob Wills comes on the jukebox

When they tell you to put some drive in your country

When you overhear somebody saying Morgan Wallen is a better singer than Chris Stapleton

Lightnin' started flashin', thunder started clashin'

If you think Sam Hunt is country you must be

When somebody starts playing some Mickey Gilley on the piano

When she's gonna show you what little girls are made of

Why do you keep making jokes about Kane Brown getting lost?

Country TwitterWINs: October '21

(Yeah, I stole this one for a meme)

 

Country TwitterFAIL: October '21

*some salty language*