Dec 31, 2010

Dec 30, 2010

Random Best of 2010 Lists

This is my last "Best of 2010" post... I promise!

Favorite EPs of 2010:

Eleven Bones - Four Day March
Buy this, country and alt-country fans! It's so freaking good.... and they better put out a full album soon, or else!

Horatio Lee Jenkins - Drunker Than Satan
Funny stuff!

John Moreland - Hope Springs Ephemeral
Right up the alley of fans of Slobberbone, The 'Mats, Lucero and the like.

Favorite Live Albums of 2010

Drew Kennedy - Alone, But Not Lonely (Still a free download and well worth it! ;))
Drew with guitar, singing songs and telling stories about the songs. So good.

Jason Boland and the Stragglers - High in the Rockies
The band is in great form, tearing through a long set of originals and awesome covers.

Zac Brown Band - Pass the Jar
If you don't count the song with an ear-shredding performance by the cackling Angie Aparo, there's not a clunker to be found here. These guys are tight!

Biggest Disappointments of 2010
These aren't bad albums by any stretch…just not what I was hoping for from these artists.
Johnny Cash - American VI: Ain't No Grave
Sun Kil Moon - Admiral Fell Promises
The Hold Steady - Heaven is Whenever
Hank III - Rebel Within
Ryan Bingham - Junky Star

Other 2010 Albums Beyond My Top 40 Worthy of Mention: (in some semblance of order)
Delta Spirit - History From Below
The Moondoggies - Tidelands
Against Me! - White Crosses
Marah - Life is a Problem
Phosphorescent - Here's to Taking It Easy
My Darkest Days - s/t
Blitzen Trapper - Destroyer of the Void
Travel By Sea - Two States and the Blindness that Follows
Easton Corbin - s/t
Monster Magnet - Mastermind
Titus Andronicus - The Monitor
Eminem - Recovery
Dierks Bentley - Up On the Ridge
Krizz Kaliko - Shock Treatment
Peter Cooper - The Lloyd Green Album
Tim Barry - 28th & Stonewall
Alan Jackson - Freight Train
Truckstop Darlin' - S/T
The National - High Violet
The Brothers Comatose - Songs from the Stoop
Nightjar - Hometown Stranger
Danzig - Deth Red Saboath
The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang
Ray Wylie Hubbard - A. Enlightenment B. Endarkenment (Hint: There Is No C)
Trombone Shorty - Backatown
Javi Garcia and the Cold Cold Ground - A Southern Horror
Jerrod Niemann - Judge Jerrod and the Hung Jury
Retribution Gospel Choir - 2
Brett Detar - Bird in the Tangle
Gary Allan - Get Off On the Pain
Butch Walker and the Black Widows - I Liked It Better When You Had No Heart
Walt Wilkins & the Mystiqueros - Agave
Rihanna - Loud
Nas & Damian Marley - Distant Relatives
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
South Memphis String Band - Home Sweet Home
American Graveyard - Hallelujahland
Josh Thompson - Way Out Here
Nappy Roots - The Pursuit of Nappyness
Kings of Leon - Come Around Sundown
The Steel Wheels - Red Wing
Shinyribs - Well After Awhile
Widespread Panic - Dirty Side Down
Whispering Pines - Family Tree
Mark Chesnutt - Outlaw
Guthrie Kennard - Matchbox
Murder By Death - Good Morning, Magpie
The Band Perry - s/t
D.B. Rielly - Love Potions and Snake Oil
The Benedictions - Play Devil Music
Little Brother - LeftBack
Stone Temple Pilots - s/t
Jakob Dylan - Women and Country
Memphis 59 - Ragged But Right
The Morning Benders - Big Echo
Slash - s/t
She & Him - Volume 2
Carolina Chocolate Drops - Genuine Negro Jig
Freedy Johnston - Rain on the City
The Tallest Man on Earth - The Wild Hunt
Rogue Wave - Permalight
I See Hawks in L.A. - Should've Been Gold
Gil Scott-Heron - I'm New Here
The Sadies - Darker Circles

Bucky Covington's Top 10 Resolutions for 2011

Bucky Covington's Top 10 Resolutions for 2011

(transcribed by his publicist)

10. Don't engage in conversation with Tom-Tom anymore

9. Already smarter than 5th grader, so find 6th grader to beat at tic-tac-toe

8. Don't take product labels literally from now on

7. Convince Taylor Swift to write song for me

(remember to change to perspective of male!)

6. Remember that "camouflage" and "camomile"

are not the same thing before next hunting season

5. Stop responding to emails from dethroned Nigerian princes

4. Learn to see the good in all people, even hateful bloggers like Trailer and CM

3. When I feel self-conscious, always remember,

I'm more intelligent than a likely 2012 presidential candidate

2. Buy new goldfish, remember that it doesn't eat flakes from Goldschlager

1. Learn the difference between "supposition" and "suppository" ...!!

Dec 29, 2010

Best Albums of 2010

I know there were other albums that came out this year that I missed that could have made it to this list, but this is the best I heard in 2010 as of December 29th. An honorable mention goes out to Glossary for their album Feral Fire, which I was way late to the party for. If I'd grabbed this gem earlier, it certainly would have made a dent on the chart.

Top 10 Albums of 2010

There's just no way around it. Jamey's The Guitar Song is a monster. While it's not an album most can sit down and digest in one sitting due to the dark side of the yin yang decidedly outweighing the light side…(even some of the happy songs carry an air of sorrow) this is truly the best mainstream country album of the year and, quite likely, the last 20 years. Aside from a couple of slightly shoddier songs, the writing is top of the heap - Johnson is without peer in the Nashville mainstream. The bearded one is no savior though; Nashvegas won't change overnight. However, the fact that this record has already moved 500,000 copies bodes well for the future. Jamey may not even have a top 10 hit off this release, but it won't matter. The Guitar Song is a monumental success.
Must listens: Cover Your Eyes, Can't Cash My Checks, How I Don't Love You

Blending his eccentricities with warm vocals, a love of classic soul and a forward-thinking approach, Cee-Lo gave us an album anyone with an appreciation of R&B can love. Even your grandmother would dig it, if it weren't for "F*ck You," the viral smash that begat the sanitized Glee cover hit. The Lady Killer is strange, but comfortable… fresh, but throwback… immediately catchy, but layered. It gets no better in modern R&B.
Must listens: F**k You, Satisfied, Love Gun

In any other year, this would have easily topped my list, especially since it's Two Cow Garage's best album to date. Some say they've abandoned alt-country/rock for power pop, but there's still plenty of twang to go around. The songs are catchier this time around, and yes, poppier, but that doesn't diminish the effect. TCG's songwriting has never been better, and they never lack in the emotion category, making this a true winner.
Must listens: Lydia, Jackson Don't You Worry

FTM interviewee and pal Austin Collins' Wrong Control was my favorite release of early 2010 and has held up to many, many further listens. Austin falls somewhere in the realm of Ryan Adams and the Replacements with some of the Texas soul of the country troubadours. Despite his joking, affable personality, the songs are mostly downers, but in the best ways possible. They're moody but catchy and entirely cathartic. AC deserves a higher standing in the alt-country genre, and with albums like this, it's only a matter of time, not chance.
Must listens: Conventional Lust, Centerpiece

Despite being snubbed by the Grammys (wtf??), this awkwardly titled hip-hop opus is better than that of the anointed King of Hip-Hop, Kanye's, admitted strong new release. It's more accessible, though far from standard rap in this day and age. Big Boi's personality really gets to shine apart from his pairing with Andre 3000 in the legendary OutKast, showing him to be much more than the more street-friendly half of that duo. The beats are unique, the lyrics are top-notch (often hilarious) and BB's delivery has never been better. Here's to showing the youngsters how it's done.
Must listens: Tangerine, General Patton, You Ain't No DJ

This guy is only 23?? Probably the strongest songwriter in my Top 10, Pug is the true modern-day heir to Dylan if anyone is. His songs speak the poetry of an old soul but crackle with the vitality of youth. If he's doing this at this age, think of what's to come.
Must listens: Messenger, Not So Sure, Bury Me Far (From My Uniform)

Bluegrass on meth, Four Loko folk, Americana… I don't know what you want to call this, but I call it good music. Ripping up their instruments like Old Crow Medicine Show with a little less twang and a few less nefarious leanings, Trampled by Turtles sings loud and proud on the up-tempos and low and soulful on the slower numbers. It's all good.
Must listens: New Orleans, Wait So Long

I actually hate this album, but I felt obliged to help out a pal. Seriously, this one's full of catchy alternative pop rock Americana goodness and with songs this good, Kasey's bound for years of being on this list. He's already got a new album slated for early '11 and I can't wait!
Must listens: I Was a Photograph (Blake's Song), All Lit Up

Rodney takes his Texas charm on the road with this set of internationally flavored country tunes about love, loss and unease. Drew Kennedy produces and provides a standout track. What else do you need?
Must listens: Take Me Back Wife, Waiting on the Pain

While Cee-Lo's release tread new ground with an old R&B sound, this one's a complete blast from the past. Fans of Aretha Franklin and Otis Redding will feel right at home listening to these 70's flavored soul songs. Strong writing and even stronger performances propel this album to memorable heights.
Must listens: The Game Gets Old, Window Shopping

The Next 30
11. Paul Thorn - Pimps and Preachers
12. Truth & Salvage Co. - s/t
13. Dirty Sweet - American Spiritual
14. The Black Crowes - Croweology
15. Band of Horses - Infinite Arms
16. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Option Paralysis
17. Randy Houser - They Call Me Cadillac
18. Hellbound Glory - Old Highs and New Lows
19. The Black Keys - Brothers
20. Drive-by Truckers - The Big To-Do
21. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
22. Sean McConnell - Saints, Thieves & Liars
23. Reckless Kelly - Somewhere in Time
24. Lissie - Catching a Tiger
25. The Dirty Guv'nahs - Youth is in Our Blood
26. The Fox Hunt - Long Way to Go
27. Zac Brown Band - You Get What You Give
28. Emory Quinn - See You at the Next Light
29. Whitey Morgan & the 78s - s/t
30. Randy Rogers Band - Burning the Day
31. The Roots - How I Got Over
32. High on Fire - Snakes for the Divine
33. Elizabeth Cook - Welder
34. John Moreland and the Black Gold Band - Things I Can't Control
35. Great American Taxi - Reckless Habits
36. Surfer Blood - Astro Coast
37. Justin Townes Earle - Harlem River Blues
38. Marty Stuart - Ghost Train: The Studio B Sessions
39. Bleu Edmondson - The Future Ain't What It Used to Be
40. Old 97's - The Grand Theatre Volume 1

Top 10 Things You Can Expect NOT To Hear on Country Radio in 2011

10. Gucci Mane as a guest rapper

(may happen by 2012 though)

09. Steel guitar as a lead instrument; Fiddle as more than a token accent

08. Taylor Swift …singing about drinking, divorce or actual sorrow

07. A NEW solo song by any of the following: Willie Nelson, George Jones, Joe Diffie, John Anderson, Loretta Lynn, Merle Haggard, Trisha Yearwood, Patty Loveless or Ray Price.

06. A song that puts the singer in a negative light

05. Jason Aldean …performing a song you'll care about by 2012

04. An urban pride song

(and for Bucky fans, this has nothing to do with Keith)

03. Gary LeVox …unaided by studio wizardry (and unfueled by pastries)

02. A song not about death or disease that could bring a tear to your eye

01. ANYTHING that makes you think "Holy crap, I can't believe they played that!"

Dec 28, 2010

10 Worst Albums of 2010

A qualifier first: When I say "worst," I mean "the worst I've heard." When I say "the worst I've heard," that doesn't include some obvious offenders I may have listened to once out of curiosity or for a review, so you won't see entries from folks like Kid Rock or Rascal Flatts on here. My 10 worst albums of 2010 is comprised of albums I listened to 3 or more times with the expectation that I would or possibly might enjoy said albums. It was not to be with these 10.

Santana - Guitar Heaven
The melding of one of the greatest guitarists of all time with popular rock singers performing eternal rock classics… sounds good on paper right? Wrong! So wrong. This turd features a grand total of zero songs that were worth the effort. In fact, most of it is flat-out unlistenable. The worst of the bunch? Predictable names hated by the critics ….Gavin Rossdale turns in a cardboard performance of "Bang a Gong" and Scott Stapp destroys "Fortunate Son." Guitar Heaven isn't just a bad album, it's an affront to classic rock and a black mark on Santana's legacy. Somebody stop him, please.

Sugarland - The Incredible Machine
This is a frickin' mess, but as Levar Burton used to say, you don't have to take my word for it.

Lil Wayne - Rebirth
This album doesn't prove rock and rap can't coexist. It merely proves Lil Wayne and rock don't work well together. Wayne sounds okay here, and the music isn't horrible… the songs are just so haphazardly thrown together. Hip-hop may not always depend on focused songwriting, but rock does and nothing here comes together the way it should. No big deal; Wayne has already put out another album since, and has the highly anticipated Tha Carter 4 on the way.
"Drop the World" ft. Eminem

Shooter Jennings and Hierophant - Black Ribbons
Shooter's big concept album falls flat after about 2 listens. There are a couple of good songs in the mix, God Bless Alabama in particular, but they do little to bring this mess together. I'm not a Shooter fan, but I keep checking out his new material hoping some of his birthright talent shines through. Aside from a few good songs, not yet.

John Mellencamp - No Better Than This
Some will feature this album on their best of lists; not me. While the concept is strong: Mellencamp with an ensemble, recording stripped down folk, rock and country-ish tunes in mono, the final product is listless and flat. John sounds disinterested and the songs run together. This coming from someone who has no problem listening to Sun Kil Moon perform an entire album of slow fingerpicked acoustic songs with no harmonies.

Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns
Most people who read this are saying "well duh!" right now, but Linkin Park is a pretty talented band who've proven they can exist beyond the rightfully dead genre of rap-rock. They've put out several songs I'd count as guilty pleasures and they continue to change up their sound in an intelligent and inspired manner. However, with A Thousand Suns, they completely lost the fire of previous recordings, diving headlong in a sea of slow electronically driven art rock. As if to fully distance themselves from the meathead Limp Bizkit fans and the like, Linkin Park put out a boring pile of sleep-inducing tracks, with few cuts worthy of repeated listens.

Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe 2
Perhaps Rob needs to stick to directing. He's still as fiery and weird as ever, but this collection of songs is poorly written with lyrics so bad that they distract from the rocking.

OK Go - Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky
They still make great videos, but their songs lack the pure pop rock fun of previous releases. Nothing to hang your hat on here.

Ratt - Infestation
Why did I have any illusions that this would be good? I guess it's because I keep hanging on to my junior high love of hair metal, hoping for a return of rock that's actually fun. If this album is any indication, hair metal won't be returning to the mainstream anytime soon. Stephen Pearcy can't sing for shit and the lyrics are insipid. Maybe they were always this bad?

Turley - Anger Management
Besides "My Soul Bleeds Black and Gold," an anthemic ode to Turley's favorite former NFL employer, the Super Bowl Champion Saints (Who Dat!), I deleted most of this album from my iTunes. He sings in the same monotone growl the whole album and the songs are mostly just plain bad. There's hope for Kyle Turley in the country business, if he can only find the right songs to fit his attitude driven delivery, but few of these songs fit that description. Please don't beat me up, Kyle.

A Closer Look: Bucky Covington fans

Here's a look at the Bucky Covington artist page on iTunes with related information to the right and also a list of what Bucky fans also purchased...

And here's a closer look at that list....

Dec 27, 2010

Best Songs of 2010

In the order they appear on the official FTM iTunes playlist, these are my favorite songs of 2010, one selection per artist maximum. The bold shows my 10, errr 11, no 12 absolute favorites. Some of the songs have links and others have embedded YouTube vids where you can give them a listen and judge for yourself.

Against Me! - Suffocation
Alan Jackson - Taillights Blue
Arcade Fire - Modern Man
Austin Collins - Centerpiece
Band of Horses - Older
Big Boi - Tangerine
Blitzen Trapper - Below the Hurricane
Cee-Lo Green - F**k You
Danzig - On a Wicked Night
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Gold Teeth on a Bum
Dirty Sweet - You've Been Warned
Drive-by Truckers - The Flying Wallendas
Elizabeth Cook - Mama's Funeral
Eminem - Cinderella Man
Emory Quinn - Hand in Hand
The Fox Hunt - When the Roll's Called
The Gaslight Anthem - Bring it On
Great American Taxi - Unpromised Land
Hellbound Glory - Be My Crutch
High on Fire - Snakes for the Divine
I See Hawks in LA - Shoulda Been Gold
Jamey Johnson - Can't Cash My Checks
Joe Pug - Not So Sure
John Moreland - Stoned
Kanye West - Monster
Kasey Anderson - I Was a Photograph (Blake's Song)
My Darkest Days - Set It On Fire
Nightjar - Check Your Mirrors
Paul Thorn - Love Scar
Phosphorescent - The Mermaid Parade
Randy Houser - Addicted
Ray Wylie Hubbard - Loose
Reckless Kelly - Thelma
Retribution Gospel Choir - Hide it Away
Rodney Hayden - Waiting on the Pain
Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - Window Shopping
Spoon - Written in Reverse
Surfer Blood - Slow Jabroni
Trampled by Turtles - New Orleans
Trombone Shorty - Hurricane Season
Truth & Salvage Co. - Call Back
Two Cow Garage - Lydia
Yelawolf - Pop the Trunk

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Dec 26, 2010

Sackpunch #13

If you're a complete music snob, you deserve a sack punch

Look, I'm a music snob. I admit it. The more listens it takes for me to enjoy a song, the more I love it. If a band I dig is unknown to the general population, the greater affection I have for said band. If I can immediately detect the song or artist a current song is biting, I'm far less likely to enjoy it. My collection of music includes the likes of Wrinkle Neck Mules, Woven Hand, Whitey Morgan, Vampire Weekend, Two Cow Garage, Travel by Sea…. and that's just within the letters T-W on my iTunes. Most folks haven't heard of more than two of these artists…. so yeah, I'm a music snob, but only to a certain level.

I LOVE music… music can be fun!….and I can admit when something unhip is freaking awesome or at least unavoidably catchy. But I still usually prefer music that 90% of the population doesn't recognize. And yes, I make my living (okay, my hobby) making fun of mostly commercial music.

That said, if your "Best of 2010" albums list ONLY includes stuff like Beach House, Sleigh Bells, Deerhunter, LCD Soundsystem, Surfer Blood, Caribou and the ilk, you deserve a swift blow to the nether region, and I don't mean the sexual kind.

Yeah, I see you out there. A few of you dropped in some more "known" names like Jamey Johnson and Kanye West on your top 20 lists to make it look like you have broad tastes, but let's get real. You don't really enjoy those albums. In fact, I'm not sure you really enjoy music. You're as bad as the frontrunners whose iPods only include hot artists like Kings of Leon, Drake and Lil Wayne.

Your playlists of bands with animal names and tuneless electronica make me sick. No sensible human can honestly admit to themselves that they seriously only like music that is eccentric, inaccessible, lo-fi, hip and/or features lyrics that make sense to no one, including the artist.

You picked your niche a few years ago your junior year of college and have stuck with it through your sweater-vest clad internship at the non-profit and your fallback job at the Starbucks.

You run a blog where you break new artists five guys in a dorm have heard of, you and your readers debate the obscure influences and subtleties of the latest twee buzz band and everyone scoffs at (or ignores altogether) the newest mainstream releases, especially those who used to be part of your "scene."

You're a liberal… that's mostly beside the point here, but it goes with the territory. Any artist who espouses views contrary to the lefty side of thinking finds themselves at odds with your potential commercial influence on buyers.

Once an indie band hits it big, there's a discussion over whether they are still indie that's never resolved…. but their next release is glossed over, regardless. Arcade Fire, your days as a hipster icon are numbered.

Yeah, your spiritual leaders at Pitchfork will sometimes kiss the toes of an aforementioned mainstream artist who's released a rebellious effort, but that does little to move them or you towards the center. If Kanye's next album features another "Golddigger," you're both off the bandwagon.

You'll never admit any of this to yourself or your followers; music isn't to be enjoyed, it's to be hung on a wall like some abstract painting that everyone who's cool says is wonderful, despite the fact that a four-year-old could match the artfulness. Orthodox and Capitalistic = bad. Impenetrable and subsidized = good.

To be fair, I'll give you an out. If you go listen to all of the following and come back and tell me that you truly didn't enjoy at least 2 of them, I'll admit that you are not fit to stand trial - therefore you will skip the punishment and I'll let you go with a simple "Bless your heart," knowing that your insanity is incurable. Anyway, here's the list: (admittedly it's random, but it's a good cross section of the most listenable, but still a bit outside the mainstream, 2010 releases I heard)
Cee-Lo Green - The Lady Killer
Jamey Johnson - The Guitar Song
Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - I Learned the Hard Way
Trampled By Turtles - Palomino
Truth & Salvage Co. - s/t
Randy Houser - They Call Me Cadillac
Dirty Sweet - American Spiritual
Kasey Anderson - Nowhere Nights
Sean McConnell - Saints, Thieves and Liars
Lissie - Catching a Tiger

If no 2 of those would approach your top 50 of the year or you didn't even take the get-out-of-sackpunch-free card and you remain resolute in your absolute douchey hipness, now is the time for you to prepare yourself. Take a couple of Tylenol, hit a shot of whatever hipster liquor you prefer, tense up your abdominal and leg muscles and close your eyes. Here it comes….

Dec 23, 2010

Top 10 Most Depressing Christmas Songs

10. Foreclosed for the Holidays

09. Please Daddy Don't Snort Meth This Christmas

08. Baracking Around the Christmas Tree

07. Do You Smell What I Smell?

06. Oh Miilitarized Zone of Bethlehem

05. Chestnuts Inspected by a TSA Agent

04. Blitzen the Down-sized Reindeer

03. Baby, It's Global Warming Outside

02. All I Want for Christmas is Toby Keith

01. Grandma Got Put Down by a Death Panel

Country Christmas Cards: Bucky, Mel & Easton

Thanks to CM at Country California for the ideas!

Click images for a closer view.

From Bucky Covington



From Easton Corbin



From Mel Tillis



Dec 22, 2010

10 Worst Country Singles of 2010

My first entry in this year's "best of" series is actually a "worst of." Here are what were, in my estimation, the most terrible country songs released as singles this year. They're in no particular order as I could not discern one piece of crap's artistic worth from another. Click the song titles to listen, if you dare.

George Strait - The Breath You Take
The King finally showed a crack in the armor. This terrible ballad with a downright "bad" melody featured Hallmark card lyrics and awful dirge-like verses.

Jason Aldean - Crazy Town
A throwaway album cut that somehow made it to the airwaves and even more astoundingly, made it to #3 #2 on the charts. Just goes to show that country radio listeners can't get enough of crap. It's not all the radio programmers' faults.

The Band Perry - Hip to My Heart
As far from country as one could hear on country radio this year, this bouncy, aggravating tune was a poor introduction to a band whose folksy "If I Die Young" nearly made up for the crappiness of this song. Sample lyrics: "I like your lips like I like my Coca-Cola / oh how it pops and fizzes"...really?

Rodney Atkins - Farmer's Daughter
Just as ham-fisted and unimaginative as nearly every Atkins single that came before and to top it off, this was a Hail Mary tag-on to an underperforming album to help it sell a few more copies. Weak.

I hate "Fancy" …despise it. That said, I can respect the art of it. This, likely Reba's worst single to date, not so much. Reba drops knowledge about texting, Tweeting, Facebooking and sounds absurd doing it. It's not that she has to "act her age," she just needs to not be so obvious about trying to stay current, in sound and lyrical content. It just doesn't work for her.

I really don't get the appeal of this song. It's not country, it's not that catchy, the chorus is just a bunch of stupid "ohh ohhh's" and my nine-year-old could write more engaging lyrics. Still, people continue to defend this song against the evils of someone who'd dare review it. Sure, opinions are like a-holes, but people THIS IS NOT A GOOD SONG - I bet Tim even hates it.

Aaron Lewis - Country Boy
Read here. Still haven't changed my mind.

LoCash Cowboys - Here Comes Summer
Sorry guys. FTM blog readers and winners/losers of 2009 Farcie Award for worst new group released this track to cash in on the coming of the warmer months to no avail. Putting "hotter" where there should have been a rhyme for "summer" was a major problem. The rest of the song not being any good was another.

Fast Ryde - Top Down
LoCash's main competition in the up-and-coming hip-hop-loving country group category, Fast Ryde upped the ante with autotuner for this listless summer anthem that nobody sang along to. At least LoCash's song tried a little.

The King of Douchebags continued his run of terrible sans-Big Kenny song releases with this stupid "look how country I am" tune. Tip to Rich: Call Big. Write songs. Release trashy guilty pleasure album. Alone, you're just guilty (of putting out terrible music).

Dishonorable Mention:
Lady Antebellum - Our Kind of Love
It isn't that this song is all that terrible, just boring. It's pretty much a microcosm of what's wrong with country radio. Uninspired, middle-of-the-road, entirely inoffensive…. entirely pointless radio friendly song.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Dec 21, 2010

If ____ wrote a Christmas song....

If Rodney Atkins wrote a Christmas song…

America at Christmas is a magical place
Christmas Happy Meal puts a smile on my son's face
He's been a good boy this year
I like beer
If you're going through Walmart, please say hey!

If Metallica wrote a Christmas song…

Snow white as corpses
Cold arctic forces
Impending voices and bells they will toll
Blood red ribbons
Pray you're forgiven
Or Santa will slip you some hell-blackened coal

If Taylor Swift wrote a Christmas song…

Our song is a ringing jingle bell
Crackling fire burning in the fireplace
That "misfits" song by the dentist elf
Your Mariah ringtone on my cell

If Soulja Boy wrote a Christmas song…

Pretty boy here need a winter time blow
Soulja Boy sleigh ride if you wanna go
Okaaaaayyyy, Imma wrap you up in a bow
Or we can snort a line of that falling snow
Pretty boy 'bout to Santaclause dat ho ho ho

If Ke$ha wrote a Christmas song…

I'm in my coupe with some eggnog and Goose
Turn up the Jay-Z real loud and go "whoo!"
Tik tok I'm so hot in my red "f-me" shoes
Santa comes at Christmas, I think I will too

If The Black Eyed Peas wrote a Christmas song…

Ooooh Ha! Ooooooh Ha!
Chrismaschristmaschristmaschristmas time!
Drop it till the dance floor shines
Yeeeeeaah pop! Ooooooooh Ha!
Hang up da stockins, let da ribbons unroll
Wise man got the myrrh but I want da gold
Oooooooh Ha!

If John Rich wrote a Christmas song…

Jesus was sent to save one and all
But everybody's having a holiday ball
Forgetting what it means, they're just worried about bling
The war on Christmas gets in my craw
Bartender I need another drink

If Eminem wrote a Christmas song…

Fat b*tch get out my chimney, what the f*ck you got on?
Look like Rick Ross in red, man don't say you're big boned
I got the millimeter pointed right at your dome
Drop the bag, f*g, or you're gonna taste the chrome

If Nirvana had written a Christmas song…

I'm so stupid, it's all gone
Reindeer have feelings
Diplomatic tones
Drown in a blender and dance on the stones
Mr. bell ringer
Just leave me alone


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