Showing posts with label Brad Paisley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brad Paisley. Show all posts
Sep 23, 2021
Jul 23, 2021
Brad Paisley Fan Purchases Larger Shirt from Merch Stand to Hide Swampass
After purchasing the second overpriced shirt, Potenza slipped into the bathroom and changed into it from his too-short-to-hide-the-expanding-sweat-pool-on-the-ass-of-his-cargo-shorts Columbia fishing shirt. “Ah that’s better,” he exhaled. “Why they chose to have a concert outdoors in Mississippi in July is beyond me.”
With the thermometer still in the 80s and the humidity at 95% even at almost 9 PM, Potenza’s nether regions became a sauna and then a kiddie pool and then a reservoir of perspiration as he sat through openers Kameron Marlowe and Jimmie Allen. Now that he’s ready to stand up and shout along to songs like “I’m Gonna Miss Her” and “Online,” Jerry needs to be presentable to the people in the row behind him.
“I don’t know them from Adam… well, that lady may go to my church but anyway, I may never see those people again, but that’s no reason to display the grayish stain spreading across the back middle seam of my St. John’s Bay khaki cargos to them.” he explained.
Other concert goers reported similar issues as their pants, shorts, skirts, and jeans showed the clear signs of what happens when buttocks are in contact with seats in sweltering conditions. Many made the same trip to the merch booth as Jerry, but other less self conscious folks just let their moist freak flags fly. “It’s swamp ass for days,” laughed fellow show enjoyer Leslie Proctor. “Who cares? I’m druuuunnnnk.”
At press time, Potenza was experiencing another unfortunate heat-related issue as his man parts refused to unstick from his leg.
May 23, 2021
Dec 29, 2020
Dec 3, 2020
South Park Country Reaction Gifs 2
When the Devil beats Johnny in a fiddling video game
Chase Rice logging in
Name a country singer who made a career of singing dad jokes
When the hold music is Kane Brown
When your friends ask you to stop playing Sturgill's Cuttin' Grass over and over
When Jason Aldean appears at Christmas
Trick or treat goodies for when the local jam band knocks
When your town is about to become a folk music hotbed
Oct 23, 2020
Oct 8, 2020
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson Country Reaction Gifs
If your country playlist includes Dan + Shay and you want to join the conversation about country music
8 years after Morgan Wallen’s big weekend with Alabama sorority girls
Me, listening to “Whiskey Lullabye” for the 994th time
♫ ♬“I began to feel the chill of an early fall”♫ ♬
When a Kane Brown fan calls me racist for making fun of Kane for sucking, not for being biracial
When you have the best taste in country music among all wrestlers/actors
When Chris Knight put out an album last year
When your friend becomes a Florida-Georgia Line fan
Aug 17, 2020
More More Monday Memes: Hair Metal, Johnny Cash, Unknown Hinson
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| (This is based on his actual comment - not mine!) |
Jun 17, 2020
Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country
Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.
10. Jo Dee Messina
Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.
9. Billy Currington
Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]
Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.
8. Sara Evans
At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her.
7. Brad Paisley
Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.
6. Dierks Bentley
Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.
5. Phil Vassar
Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.
4. Cyndi Thomson
Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.
3. Steve Holy
Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok.
2. Mark Wills
Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.
1. John Rich
Wait, who authorized putting an actual jerk on here?
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