Showing posts with label Johnny Paycheck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Johnny Paycheck. Show all posts

Apr 17, 2020

George Strait is a Big Fraud, Says Ignorant Man

“He’s a joke! People call him the King,” said Reed Bartholomew about country legend George Strait. “King of what? Pretty boys who suck!” 

Bartholomew, a self-described hardcore country fan, contacted us to broadcast his feelings that Strait is overrated and a detriment to the history of country music. His points are passionate but a bit misguided. 

“For one thing,” began the moron, “he’s skinny and handsome and well-dressed… real country singers are grungy and haggard like Johnny Paycheck …and Haggard.” Appearances, including good hygiene, lucky genetics, and healthfulness have little to do with the authenticity of music but go on, Barth.

“Also, he’s always singing about horses and cowboys, but I bet he’s never even roped a steer… damn stage-boots-wearin’ poser.” said Bartholomew of Strait, who grew up on and also runs a ranch, holds a degree in agriculture, and once competed in the Pro Rodeo Cowboys Association in team-roping. 

“Why should we look up to a pretty fake cowboy when there’s men and women in camo standing up for our freedom?” continued the idiot, unaware that Strait served in the US Army from 1971-1975 and achieved the rank of Corporal.

“He don’t even write his own songs, and that’s why I think he’s not even in the top 100 country singers of all time… he just stands on the stage and strums his guitar.” finished Bartholomew. While not known as a songwriter for most of his career, Strait has written and cowritten over 25 of his songs, particularly on his last few albums - far more than Reed Bartholomew has ever written in his life.

He’s right about the guitar though. One point to the dumbass.

Feb 28, 2020

ACMs Snubbed Jones, Cash, Ray Price, Says Man Who Apparently Time Traveled from the 70s

Larry Jack Pullen of West Memphis, Arkansas, who may be in possession of a device that can transport humans through time, is very upset with the Academy of Country Music awards nominations that were announced yesterday. He took to Facebook to announce his displeasure, saying “No George Jones, Johnny Cash or Ray Price. They are getting awards for ruining Country Music.” The comment was in response to a Facebook post that listed the likes of Thomas Rhett and Luke Combs as 2020 nominees.

When reached by Messenger for comment (I didn't tell him the artists he listed were no longer alive because I assumed he knew), Pullen went on a long rant about the fabric of America, smart phones, and something about “the Chinamen,” before finally getting back around to country music. 

“Riley Green, who’s she? If Johnny Paycheck isn’t up for best male artist, then what the hell is even going on? Nobody respects are elders any more and that’s why Jimmy Carter got elected.”

I asked Larry Jack if he could share the secret of time travel with me, but he said I must be on the reefer to ask something like that. “Your one of them what’s trying to make country music liberal and gay, aren’t you?” he asked. “IF YOU PEOPLE BY GOD RUIN WHAT GLEN CAMPBELL AND CONWAY TWITTY WORK EVERY DAY TO KEEP STRONG I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE and you will regret it!” 

I tried to calm the conversation, but it was no use. “It’s a g***amn shame what their doing.” said Pullen, “I bet Tammy Wynette won’t even be preforming on the show, will she?” When I let him know that Wynette had sadly passed on, he told me to send condolences to her family and let him know where to send flowers. 

*this is based on a real Facebook comment (just the first one) - only the name was changed*

Feb 13, 2020

The 40 Year Old Virgin Country Reaction Gifs

*language warning*

When you're kinda square but you're trying to fit in at the Willie concert
(I know this is from an interview, but it was during press for the movie)

When a Kane Brown fan tries to argue

When your blind date goes off on a tangent about how Sam Hunt is the natural progression of country music

All this hatin' and these stupid memes; you need to get a life

Which pop star would you not mind going country?

Shooter Jennings:

You can make fun of me, but if you make fun of my taste in music

Dustin Lynch has had more #1 hits than Johnny Paycheck

 Mainstream country songwriting session:


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