The Crud Report: August '21

 

Really Dumb Country Reviews: August '21

  (Real iTunes reviews)

Dan + Shay - Good Things

Morgan Wallen - Dangerous

Warren Zeiders

Cody Wolfe - "Better Without You"

Upchurch - Same Ol Same Ol

Aaron Lewis - "Am I the Only One"

Walker Hayes - "Fancy Like"

Rodney Dangerfield Country Reaction Gifs

You mean you don't like Dan + Shay's new song?

When Farce has been promoting good new 'real' country for years and somebody on our Facebook page makes that tired comment that country music is dead

♫ This is how we roooo ooo oooo ooolll ♫

When your daughter brings her boyfriend to meet you and he's wearing an Upchurch t-shirt

How you can tell I've been listening to The Steel Woods' latest album

When I hear "fancy like Applebees" for the thousandth time today on TikTok

When the station says they play all the best country and then play Kane Brown

When an Olympian says he listens to "old country" like Florida-Georgia Line

Trying to figure out how if Americana is what country used to be and country is what pop used to be and pop is what hip-hop used to be, then what is hip-hop now?

Sanford & Son Country Reaction Gifs 2

One of the few trucks that doesn't have a bro-country song about it

When she says she's leaving you if you don't stop making fun of her for being a Kane Brown fan

When you get filled with the gospel of Paul Cauthen

Luke Combs on his deathbed

♫ A bad liver and a broken heart ♫

Boy turn that channel off CMT before I put these across yo lips

When there's Upchurch fans in the neighborhood

Drew Kennedy after he sold out and started writing for mainstream country*

Describe the first time you heard a Florida-Georgia Line song

*I kid. You know I love ya DK.

Remember Where's Waldo? Well, Now There's...

(and Upchurch is in there too)

"Country" Singer Beer Posters

A recent TikTok and Twitter trend is fake beer posters - usually featuring scantily clad women. In this case, we'll just use pop country artists with the beer that fits them best.

I'm probably cancelled for this one

Top 10 Reasons Upchurch Fans Missed His Concert

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10. Lab mishap got me laid up for a few days

9. Had a club meeting that night and had to get my hood cleaned; it was a whole thing

8. Biden’s fault; couldn’t afford gas to get there

7. Was busy visiting our nation’s Capital

6. Was reading Hillbilly Elegy and time got away from me

5. Had to work a double shift running the Tilt-a-Whirl

4. Currently residing in state detention facility

3. Hanging out with friends and time got away from me

2. Not possible to stay 100 feet from all the women with restraining orders against me at the same time

1. I got court

CDC Recommends Wearing 2-3 Masks at Kane Brown Concerts, Even After Pandemic

Despite relaxing or ending 13 months of Covid-19 mask mandates, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has continued one recommendation for fans of pop-country singer Kane Brown. "You can resume activities without wearing a mask or staying six feet apart, except at Kane Brown concerts,” the CDC said on Thursday.

They went on to say that the prevalence of poor hygiene and high levels of transmissible illnesses and diseases among this specific subset of music fans makes it necessary to continue pandemic era protocols for the foreseeable future. This includes wearing not only a mask, but two, and possibly three masks. 6-10 feet of social distancing is also required.

“This fan army, whose main demographic is adolescent, caucasian, rural, teenaged girls or young women and their boyfriends, exhibits much higher than normal frequencies of sexually transmissible diseases and other airborne contagions,” said Dr. Lew Dunne, of Georgia’s state CDC office. “They infrequently bathe or brush their teeth, so the masks will help with the stench as well.”

The CDC has even gone so far as to send links to a YouTube video or TikTok of the warning with the purchased digital tickets to Kane Brown concerts. “Many of them are unable to read at a middle school level and only communicate with their friends through short videos of dancing or ‘snatching a bitch’s wig’ so we created a fun and informative video that explains our recommendation with song and dance.” said Dunne. “It’s been quite effective so far.”

At press time, the CDC was recommending avoiding Upchurch concerts altogether.

World's Hickest Festival Returns!

 

Malcolm in the Middle Country Reaction Gifs

When Luke Bryan won Entertainer of the Year

When somebody plays you Luke's new song "Waves"

When somebody plays you Austin Meade's song "Waves"

When somebody handed you the aux cord, and you played some Cuttin' Grass

♫ We gotta sink the Bismarck cause the world depends on us ♫

Why do you like Niko Moon?

When you check the mainstream country station to see if they've gotten any better

Hey, you wanna hear some Upchurch?

When your friends are embarrassed to be seen with you because you're a Chase Rice fan