Farce the Music: Upchurch

Showing posts with label Upchurch. Show all posts

Apr 19, 2024

Sturgill Simpson Returns to Music With New Hick-Hop Group, Tha Tucky Boyz

Americana stalwart and actor Sturgill Simpson has been quiet on the musical front for the past couple of years. Despite being quite visible in the entertainment world, appearing in Martin Scorcese’s Killers of the Flower Moon and the HBO comedy The Righteous Gemstones, Simpson has released no new albums or singles since 2021’s The Ballad of Dood & Juanita.

That all changed Wednesday as Sturgill unveiled his next musical incarnation, Tha Tucky Boys. With his high school friend Herschel Porter, now known as Pill-P, Sturgill (stage name B Double D) introduced his new duo on a new Instagram account you probably can't find. “I’m a country rapper now” was the simple announcement, alongside this photo, and a short snippet of a song called “Treadin’ on Me.”

We had a short FaceTime conversation with B Double D and Pill-P Thursday to check into this unexpected development. “Lemme holla at ya dog,” said Simpson, now adorned with face tattoos similar to that of his character in the movie The Hunt. “I told y’all you’d seen the last of Sturgill solo, so please stop referring to me as Sturgill. I’m going all in on this country rap game.”

Pill-P chimed in: “We might come from different lifestyles, BDD being a well-off musician and actor, and me being a proprietor of medicinal solutions and all your scrap metal needs, but anyway… we both real ass Tucky boys and we both hate the government so it works out.”

Simpson says the duo features a crappy logo, stolen drum loops, bad honky rapping, and adds that they will only play at ATV races and mud bogs, such is the custom with country rap performers. “We’re keeping this shit lo-fi homey,” laughed Sturgill, sipping a Steel Reserve tall boy from a paper sack. “I’ve done my time in the industry, I just wanna keep it real yo.” Simpson says they also plan to start a beef with Upchurch right off the bat, as is also tradition among hick-hop artists.

When asked if there were any political divisions within the group, with Simpson having progressive views and Pill-P having been excluded from caring about politics due to a felony on his record, Sturgill told us it wasn’t an issue. “I’m gonna vote my way, Pill’s gonna not vote, it’ll be fine.”

At press time, Tha Tucky Boyz were doing a photo shoot at an old train depot, each holding a chicken snake with some half naked women inexplicably posing on top of a rusted out tank car in the background.

Feb 8, 2024

The Longest Yard Country Reaction Gifs

Still better than listening to a Kane Brown song

Bro-country videos be like

"Yeah, I'll admit I'm coming around on Jason Aldean; he's such a great singer and seems like a nice fella.

Tyler Childers when he's about to play "Follow You to Virgie"

When you ask an Upchurch fan the last book they read

When you're over 40 trying to power through a late night concert and that 7th beer kicks in

When an elder country singer tries to hit a high note these days

I keep waiting for you to forgive me

And you keep saying you can't even start

So when those three little words come so easy to you

I hope you know what I mean when I say...

Dustin Lynch attempting to make a country song

When your dumbest friend suggests you all go see a Morgan Wallen concert

Watches Childers' "In Your Love" video one (1) time

Jan 4, 2024

What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You #3

-------

Ruston Kelly - The Weakness

You don’t suffer from undiagnosed depression, you revel in every minute of it. Happy songs make you sad. Your friends all think you’re the smartest of the bunch because you got lucky on the ACT in high school. You utter “Hello darkness my old friend” every time you walk into work, but you are otherwise well-adjusted and well liked.

Bailey Zimmerman - Religiously

I don’t know or even care if this even came out in 2023, but you feel the same way. This is your background music for shuffling off to pickle ball practice or a meeting of the Jr. League in your $70k suv that has never seen a spot of mud. Someone recommended Zach Bryan to you, but you found him to be too intelligent. You think you saw Bailey play at the amphitheater last summer but you were so drunk you can’t be sure.

Turnpike Troubadours - A Cat in the Rain

You are a loyal friend. Your musical opinions are not always to be trusted, but your word is gold. You almost said the word “hater” out loud when one of your friends said this wasn’t their best album, but it was awesome to have them back. Your $70k truck is covered in mud …from working.

boygenius - The Record

You are not in my circle of “in real life” friends but you are definitely among my online friends, despite me thinking at least 42% of your political beliefs are loony. You don’t dye your hair anymore, but your bathroom sink is still purple from all the “new yous.” You are a loyal friend.

Zach Bryan - self titled

You are probably not in the lunatic fringe of Zach fans my memes so frequently target. You’re the type of fan who’d gladly spend $500 on a ticket, but also can see and appreciate Zach for his flaws and strengths. Still, every once in a while you click the angry face emoji on one of my memes.

Upchurch - Blue Gene’s

Your $7k truck is covered in mud ….from hasty getaways. Your only steady job the last few years has been selling pills. This is no fault of your upbringing or circumstances, you’re just a dumbass. You are very vocal about other people’s politics, despite not being allowed to vote yourself.

Lil Durk - Almost Healed

You are the real targets of most of my anti-Wallen memes. Look, I know you don’t listen to much country all when you’re driving around in the monstrosity your dad bought for your 15th birthday, but this is a country-music-focused site, and me poking fun at rappers and their fans might get me cancelled. I know it’s your girlfriend who listens to Wallen. Anyway, you’re a dipshit community college kid who failed Spanish for the second time because you were out spotlighting deer and smoking weed the night before.