Feb 23, 2011
Feb 22, 2011
Feb 21, 2011
.99 Review: Colt Ford - Country Thang
The Peoples' Take:
Haters gonna hate (5 Stars)
by Forrest Latta
Another killer track… Colt's here to stay.
why??????????? (1 Star)
by zooladd
all you idiots that like this bigger idiot singing make real country people sick.. go back to your damn suburbs and cities and leave us real country people alone.. and colt needs to have a heart attack so we can be done with this bulls**t he calls music!
yea, i like colt (5 Stars)
by Garth-101
more country than Kieth Urban…
My Take:
Colt Ford is to rapping as Dane Cook is to comedy. Actually, that's not fair to Dane. At least Mr. Cook has told a joke or two that made the corners of my mouth turn upwards in mild amusement. Colt Ford has never uttered a single line or verse that made me think he had a shred of talent that might manifest itself as a worthy hip-hop or hick hop song. Despite the glee I get out of slagging bands and singers on this blog, I'm not a hateful person and I don't begrudge anyone doing what they think they were put on the planet to do; I'm just here to speak truth. Truth is, Colt Ford has likely NOT found his life's calling just yet. I get it - everybody has to grind the gears a little before they get it rolling.
This song is the sound of Colt missing third gear. Chgggg chgggg chggggaaahhhhhh!
"Country Thang" is YET ANOTHER listing song about, well, country thangs. And among thangs that Ford would like you to know are fixtures for the rural set are misspelelingllings (see song title) and uncorrect grammar, because "that's how we does it" down here! We also does it barefoot and crazy while the tin roof sings. We live in the pines in a shotgun shack with a high-priced huntin' dog baying around back. I bet you'll never guess what our women-folk wear. Yep, cutoff jeans. Apparently, in some necks of the south, women's clothing stores sell ONLY cutoffs, tight jeans, bikinis and short skirts. I wish.
You get the gist of the song already. You don't even have to hear it yourself, unless you really want to subject yourself to the undynamic flow of Jason Farris Brown (Ford's real name). There's nothing unique about "Country Thang," and even less interesting.
Somebody out there enjoys this music enough to keep Colt Ford playing clubs and low rent festivals year-round, so I guess there's that. He has a cult following and he's an underdog, I suppose… but one I can't get behind.
This song likely won't get Ford above that #50 on the charts ceiling he keeps headbutting, and doubtfully will get him out of that shotgun shack on an unpaved road (he told the courthouse "hell no" when the county tried to blacktop it) anytime soon.
Hey Colt, you sure you weren't better at golf?
Total Value: .09/.99
The Checklist:
✓Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
✓Dog
✓Love
✓Hometown/Country Pride
Kindly Advice
✓Truck
Whiskey
Beer
✓Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power
Feb 20, 2011
Sackpunch #14
Any Person Who Says Hip-Hop Isn't Music Deserves a Sackpunch
I'm probably going to step on the toes of a lot of friends and readers with this one, but it's got to be said. Rap, hip-hop, whatever you want to call it, is an entirely valid and artful genre of music. Yes, music. Read this definition carefully.
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music |ˈmyoōzik|
noun
1 the art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion : he devoted his life to music.
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Obviously, hip-hop combines vocals and instrumentals. "Beauty" is subjective, but rap definitely has form. In fact, most rap songs conform to a more stringent form than other genres – 16 bar verses, anyone? Harmony? Rap songs often have background singers or rappers weaving their own vocals around and with the main vocalist. Expression of emotion goes without saying. I could end this piece here. The dictionary entry alone proves my point. Some of you need a little more convincing though (not that the most persuasive argument ever written could change some minds).
I'm not somebody who ever plays the race card, but there's an undeniable racial component to some people's aversion to hip-hop. Black people came up with the first rap songs. So what? Black people came up with the first blues songs and the first rock n' roll songs. They also had a hand in inspiring the earliest country music. Another culture may have created the vehicle, but it's an art form that can translate across bodies of water and colors of skin. The most popular (and arguable most talented) rapper is white.
Beyond race, people have other reasons…
They're just talking, you say. Wrong. They are talking in rhythm, with carefully considered syllables and rhyme. They're talking in a way that fits the tone of the lyric. They're talking in a way that mirrors the background instrumentals. They're talking with well considered word choice, using metaphors and similes. They're using cadence to draw you in and emphasis to denote the important points and emotions. If they're just talking – most people can do so – you try it. Let me know how that turns out.
But they just use canned beats and samples, you say. Wrong. Okay, partially wrong. Many rappers these days are working with bands and musicians live and on record. Have you ever seen a hip-hop artist on Saturday Night Live just standing on the stage with a mic and some speakers? Even the most studio-produced music these days includes guitars or other instruments alongside the beats, scratches and whatnot. And who's to say canned beats aren't music? It takes a lot of musical skill to blend the right tracks together to come up with an ear-pleasing arrangement of drums and accompaniment.
Rap songs all sound alike. Nope. That's a cop-out. Country songs all sound the same to non-fans. To be fair, the most commercial music does tend to run together in a sea of familiarity and milquetoast, but that's true in any genre. Hip-hop runs the gambit, sound and content-wise.
K'naan blends pop and rock into his brand of hip-hop, and raps about love, politics and the problems of his home country, Somalia. He even has some singsongy tracks that most wouldn't even call rap. I dare you to listen to Wavin' Flag or Fatima and not nod your head.
Alabama's Yelawolf, newly signed to Eminem's record label, has a country and classic rock bent. Not hick-hop, mind you, straight up hip-hop that sounds authentically countrified. He talks about the problems of the rural south, broken relationships and economic hardships. Gone will grab your ear from the start.
Cypress Hill, still around, mixes Latino and rock music into their signature sound. Crime and drugs are the focus of their lyrics, but usually in a personal and often humorous manner.
Notice I didn't say any of these artists rapped about bling and booty. Sure, they all get into sex and materialism, but they don't linger on these cliched subjects, like the most visible and commercially viable rappers tend to do.
Like any style of music, you've got to dig around a little to find the best and most creative of the bunch, but it's always worth the effort. Surface is surface. The deeper artists are below the water level.
Yeah, I get that hip-hop just isn't for everybody. That's understandable; everybody's got their own preferences in life and music. But if you're an open-minded fan of art and music, there is some hip-hop that will appeal to you.
For those with a realized or subconscious racial reasoning behind their dislike of rap, or those who won't even give it a chance or those who still say it's not music… you should pull up your Dickies and get ready. My fingers are clinched, my knuckles are white (my soul is colorblind), and a house of pain is coming your way… boom, sackpunch!
Feb 19, 2011
Feb 18, 2011
YouTube Gems: Jason Isbell
Jason Isbell (my new Twitter friend) and his band the 400 Unit will release Here We Rest in early April. Word is, it's going to be a contender for album of the year. Here's Jason covering Ray Lamontagne's "Jolene." (you may also recognize it from the Zac Brown Band's Foundation album)
Feb 17, 2011
Parody of Brad Paisley's "This is Country Music"
(PLEASE note that this is also a satire... I'm a big fan of good hip-hop)
This is Hip-Hop Music
(Parody of Brad Paisley's "This is Country Music")
You're not supposed to say the word "motherf*cker" in a song.
And tellin' bitches to pop that thang can rub 'em wrong.
It ain't nice to sing about carjacks, crack, and killin’ snitches, yeah that might be true.
But this is hip-hop music, so f*ck you
Well you like to drink some sizzurp or roll a J and drive that candy Crown
Do you wanna say I'm horny and I’d hit that but you don't know how?
Do you wish a ***** had the nerve to tell that bitch-ass boss of yours
You gon’ bust a cap if he yells at you?
Well this is hip-hop music and we do
So throw yo hands in the muthaf*ckin’ air
Wave ‘em all around like you just don’t care
Yeah this is hip-hop music
Are you haunted by the knowledge of your homies in the pen
Pourin’ out some liquor for the hustlas that met an early end
And if there's anyone that still has bling and a Chevy ridin’ slow
Circlin’ the block for some big booty hoes
This is hip-hop music, that’s how we roll
So throw yo hands in the muthaf*ckin’ air
This is real bitch, check my angry stare
Just like twenty-threes riding high
Rattlin’ your windows when I go by
This is hip-hop music
This is hip-hop music
Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Freaky Gurl
Back That Azz Up
O Let’s Do It
Rumpshaker
Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body)
Right Thurr
Laffy Taffy
Feb 16, 2011
Feb 14, 2011
Feb 13, 2011
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews - Three Pack
Eric Church - Smoke a Little Smoke
It's probably beginning to look like Trailer only sends me the most sin-ridden of songs to review, all for the sake of controversy, but I don't believe that to be so. A quick look at the Bob Kingsley Countdown reveals trash such as this to be the rule and not the exception. A listener has about as much chance at hearing an uplifting song on country radio these days as a Methodist has at getting through the Pearly Gates. This particular song is only emblematic of the decay of society and our loosening mores. Mr. Church is at odds with his own last name singing this garbage pile of a song. My son-in-law Jerry, a Southern Baptist, tells me that this song is even more devious than it appears on the surface. He says it talks of smoking the Mary Wanna. How he recognizes this is a discussion for another day. Eric Church apparently does not believe in God or believes God to be a liar. God says we are to treat the body as a temple. If we are to trust the lyrical content of this song, Mr. Church treats his like an Ole Miss frat house. I am organizing the ladies' Bunco group and the men's softball team of our church to boycott any radio station that plays this horrendous tune. Any of our teens who have been exposed to it will undergo counseling and laying on of hands. As always, we will add the offender to our prayer list.
F
Miranda Lambert - Only Prettier
First of all, it may be a sin for a woman to play guitar. I'll be researching this in my Old Testament studies and will report back to you later on that. As country songs go these days, this one is a great deal less morally corrupt than most. However, that's like saying masturbation is a lesser sin than riverboat gambling. In this song's first line, Ms. Lambert claims salvation at the hands of Southern charm. Charm never saved a man or woman from the searing fires of hell. Beyond this, Miranda preaches a message of solidarity with people who want to fight her. Jesus would approve of this tenet, however, she ends this statement with "We're just like you, only prettier." Pride comes before a fall, Ms. Lambert. Basically this song is an insult disguised as a compliment. This reminds me of a phrase the ladies of my church are known to say in weaker moments: "Bless her heart." Trust me, if a woman is commenting on your attire or actions with "bless your heart," she does not wish the Lord's blessing upon you. She is pitying you and deciding which of her gossip friends she'll text first. These biddies have been forgiven, but I fear Miranda doesn't even realize her own inequity. This as she prepares to wed that most sinful of cads, Blake Shelton. As a preacher, I could not join these two in matrimony for fear of the Antichrist himself springing from their loins.
F
Craig Morgan - Still a Little Chicken Left on that Bone
This despicable song actually has the gall to hold up sinners as role models. A divorced woman! A pervert football player! All the while comparing them to fried chicken and Coca-Cola. I don't even fully understand that metaphor and I know it's wrong in the sight of the Lord. Also there's some devilish rock and roll guitars playing loudly throughout this ode to finding the tiniest bit of good left in a hellbound miscreant. While these evildoers may in fact be retrievable from those unpearly gates, one should not look to them as paragons of virtue. Write me a song after this harlot redeems her lifestyle - surely she ate of Satan's fruit, and after this ball player puts his pecker back in his Wrangler blue jeans and repents of his misdeeds. 1 John 5: 17 says "All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death. Verily, we shall only look upon righteousness as a virtue worth following. In summation: divorce and tallywhacker texts = damnation.
F
Feb 12, 2011
Video Junk: Puppet Porn
It was already a terrible song, and now the video is aimed at our innocent children. Joe Camel looks downright kid-friendly in comparison.
Feb 11, 2011
YouTube Gems: Kasey Anderson & The Honkies
From their awesome new album Heart of a Dog (running neck and neck with Hayes Carll's new one for my favorite of '11 so far), here's Kasey Anderson and the Honkies with "Wrong Light." This isn't an official video; it's more of a bizarre piece of video art set to the song. Very cool and 120 Minutes-esque.
Feb 10, 2011
John Rich's Songwriting Tips #48
Modern country songs are best written in comfort. In the old days, Hank Williams had a damn sawhorse with a board across it as a desk and his hot-ass backyard as an office. Simple surroundings = simple songs. Rich don't play dat. I set up shop in my plush personal writing space, complete with leather recliner, 52 inch HD television with internet hookup, a cold glass of Goose and a stogey. That's where I come up with my best music. This ain't 1983 anymore; mama's got a badass SUV and she ain't listening to no "Honky Tonkin'" in there… she wants something hip and familiar. So get yourself comfy and please her. If you don't, trust me, this outlaw country mackdaddy will do what it do!
*Not actually written by John Rich
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