Farce the Music

Aug 14, 2014

Kacey Musgraves & Katy Perry - Keep It To Yourself

The embed doesn't seem to be working right now, so here's a link: http://www.cmt.com/videos/shows/cmt-crossroads/1069030/keep-it-to-yourself-from-cmt-crossroads-katy-perry-and-kacey-musgraves.jhtml#id=1728229

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Guest Submission: Wheel of Bro-Country

Thanks to Mike McDermott for this!

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Jason Aldean - Burnin' It Down

Click to listen to this evil vulgarity.

First of all, I was told I'd be reviewing a country song. That is an utter and inarguable lie; this is not a country song. Is there any fiddle? Is there any steel guitar? I'm not even sure any actual instruments were used in performing this song. In fact, it may even be sung by a robot.

This execrable single is about having intercourse with someone whom the singer is likely not betrothed to in holy matrimony. Inserting one's pecker into a female's hoo-hoo outside the bounds of marriage is a sin, period. Doing so in a musical recording this bad is an unforgivable sin that may cause the devil to take extra joy in tormenting his soul for eternity.

The fact that the "voice" delivering this message comes from a fellow who in real life left his wife after fornicating with a young hussy he met while intoxicated by Satan's liquor makes it an even more formidable offense to the Lord. Son, when one not only gives in to the flesh but also preaches that falling to temptation is a worthy pursuit, he is only inscribing his name on the nameplate over the door of his 3x3 cell in Hell.

The first Epistle to the Corinthians says to "Flee from sexual immorality." Mr. Aldean (whose name is even a lie - Aldine is the original spelling) does not flee for a moment. In fact, he runs a 40 yard dash to the poontang and wishes to "burn it down" which I believe to be code language for "inflicting chafing to." When Aldine sings "Hit the switch," I believe he is referring to some sort of battery powered sexual aide, the likes of which is illegal in this state. Is he not man enough to fulfill his harlot's illicit desires himself? He also states that he wishes to "crawl through the dark" in some sort of perverted "S and M" fantasy. The darkness this opens a listener up to knows no bottom and no walls.

There is so much wrong with this song, I have to give it the lowest grade I've ever given a song. There is still time for this vulgar man to find the Lord, but for now, his soul is bound for a place "where the worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched." Burnin' indeed.

F--