John Rich's Songwriting Tips #53

Be nice to people with lesser talent or fame than you. At least come up with polite ways to say "get the hell away from me." Some guy called last week and asked if he could write with me. I told him, "Man, I love your work (lie), but I'm so swamped with these new EP releases this new Big & Rich Tour that I don't have the time right now (kinda true)… I'll keep your number in my phone (lie) and get back to you in a month or six (doubtful)." I think he said his name was Josh Grinder… or something like that, from Texas. You get the point. There's no reason to belittle associates; just baffle them with bullsh*t. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Out!

*Not Actually Written By John Rich

Another Scotty McCreery parody cover

Sam Sliva and the Good - And the People Say...

Sam Sliva and the Good's And the People Say... is a pop-flavored bar-rockin' slice of Americana. Having never heard the band before, I was taken aback by the immediacy of the rich textures of the music and the warm baritone of lead singer Sliva. I was also grabbed by the surprisingly successful commingling of reggae as a part of their signature sound.

This isn't the cheesy trustafarian style of reggae, mind you. It's the easy bang of a rhythm guitar and the walking bassline, seamlessly threaded into the fabric of songs like the lead track "Blind Addiction."

Other places, Sam and the Good go a more straightforward pop-rock route. The earnestness and big hooks of songs like "Surrender" put the band in a realm of artists like Will Hoge and Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, for those looking for comparison to the familiar. Sliva's vocals and the bands' chops outshine the songs themselves at times, but that's mostly because they're so damn good.

"Excuse Me While I Break My Own Heart Tonight" is a Whiskeytown cover that brings the alt-country classic into the barroom. Jason Isbell guests on this winning take that I, as a longtime Whiskeytown fan, grant my full approval.

The downtempo "Nothing At All" could easily find its way into the background of a break-up scene on some teen drama show. That's not to say you should be embarrassed to enjoy it. It's a tearjerker backed by organs and fuzzy guitars, and Sliva gives much emotional weight to the simple "Why do something that's nothing at all?" hook line.

And the People Say... is a collection that feels good even when the mood is dark and keeps your foot tapping even through the ballads. It straddles that fine line between commercially accessible and artistically honest with satisfying effortnessless. It's also a perfect "roll down the windows and sing along" album. Don't expect anything edgy or experimental, just expect to enjoy yourself.

Sample/Purchase on iTunes

Purchase this CD, etc from the band

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Songs Illustrated #53

New Release Tuesday Parody Covers 6-28-11

Odds & Ends: Parody Album Covers

Top 10 Country Songs Most Soccer Moms Would Not Be Fond Of

Here's a countdown of 10 country songs that would not weigh easily on the sensibilities of most mainstream country radio listeners (now anyway - the Wagoner song made it to #2 in 1967). Feel free to add your own in the comments.

10. "She Took a Lot of Pills (And Died)" - Robbie Fulks

Can you imagine this playing on the radio after Taylor Swift's latest ditty? Me neither.

09. "PFF (Punch, Fight, F***)" - Hank Williams III

Hank and pals scream in honor of a "music artist" who frequently took a dump on stage and played in it (to put it nicely) and was also known for wallowing in self-drawn blood (to put it nicely again).

08. "Holding On So Tight" - Gary Floater (portion of the song at this link)

This ode to "punching the clown" might not rest easy on radio programmers' palates.

07. "Honey Bee" - Lucinda Williams

Lucinda has never been bashful about middle-aged sex. "Now I've got your sweetness all up in my hair"... TMI Lucy!

06. "38-21-34" - Dale Watson

Unreasonable figures?

05. "Cold Hard Facts of Life" - Porter Wagoner

Pink champagne, candlelight, surprising the wife (and her lover ...with a knife!!)

04. "Titties and Beer" - Rodney Carrington

Rodney's a born romantic, huh ladies?

03. "Delia's Gone" - Johnny Cash

This shockingly cold and violent song from the Man in Black is all the more disturbing because of who it's from.

02. "Itty Bitty Titties" - David Allan Coe

I guess if you're as ugly as Coe, you've got to lay on the charm thick.

01. "Dick in Dixie" - Hank III

Hank returns to the countdown with this wordy-durd filled rant against Nashville, offering to put male and female sexual organs back into country music (were they ever there in the first place?) The D-word and the C-word get ample airtime.

YouTube Junk: Limp Bizkit

Yep, they're back and nothing's changed. Watch this only to laugh at the (possibly intentional but probably not) self-parodying nature of the video and marvel at the utterly hookless mess of a song. Worst Comeback of the Year? Probably.

YouTube Gems: Pistol Annies

5 Random Parody Album Covers

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Alan Jackson - Long Way to Go

Alan Jackson - Long Way to Go

I was excited to see that Alan Jackson, the singer of the wonderful gospel album Precious Memories, had a new song out. Then I listened to "Long Way to Go."

A few words come to mind as this wretched song plays: hypocrite, backslider, Pharisee, lip server. Apparently this great gospel music singer also has a side-career as a forsaken secular country singer.

I had hoped in my heart of hearts that the "long way to go" was the narrow path through this sinful world, but my hopes were dashed on the salty rim of a bug-ridden margarita glass. This song is about drinking alcoholic beverages to rid the mind and heart of "women that had done us wrong."

Lord, what are we to do when even the supposed "good" people of the entertainment world also dabble in the humanistic pursuits of this mortal coil? Who are we to look to? I fear for a world where young mop-haired girl singing about "baby baby baby" is held up as a paragon of virtue. Et tu Alan Jackson?

Alcohol has no good use other than cleansing barbed wire fence wounds. Let's take a look at some notable Biblical examples of the evils of His Satanic Majesty's beverage of choice.

"Noah became drunk; the result was immorality and family trouble" Genesis 9:20-26

"Nabal died after a drunken spree" 2 Samuel 13:28-29

And the most important verse in the entire Bible:

"If a Christian brother is a drinker, do not associate with him." 1 Corinthians 5:11

Mr. Jackson, I de-associate myself with you, brother. Alcohol is not a solution, it is the problem. It leads to stronger drugs. It makes people enjoy Jason Aldean music. It causes accidents forewarned by "Hey y'all watch this." It led to my daughter's shotgun marriage due to her impregnation.

Damn you evil spirits. And I pray for you, Alan.

F

Band Mashup: BP+PF

The Band Perry Farrell

Satirical Lyrical: A Realistic Summer Song

Here's a more realistic take on all the "got my girl and the weekend and my truck and we're going to the cabin and life is good" songs that come out about this time of year, just in time for summer country radio.

Here We Go

©2011 FTM Satire

I already paid the cabin rent

So we'll have fun, or you can go get bent

You're mad that your poodle couldn't come

But her yappin' makes it hard to get me some

Get your dirty feet off my dash

And gas is high, you best pitch in some cash

Beer is cold, but it's only Natty Light

The music's loud cause we just had a fight

But here we go

Down this old dirt road

Skies are blue, the sun's aglow

We got fish to catch and boats to row

Stop calling me a so and so

Oh no, here we go

Good thing you look good as you look

Cause you won't touch a fish or bait your hook

Girl I thought you quit those cigarettes

You said you've got bad habits you ain't quit yet

Water's fine but I don't like your drift

And I think that bikini top is last year's fit

Now you say you need to take a leak

But I think we're paddling up shit creek

Oh here we go

Sun is hangin' low

Boat's takin' on water slow

Dragonflies dipping to and fro

Try to kiss you but you say no

Oh no, here we go

Bridge

Now the rain is falling on this old tin roof

Your nightshirt's got me in the mood

But we ain't said a single word

And you're over there playin' Angry Birds

Oh here we go

The end is coming close

Rain comin' down like our hopes

No romance in the candle glow

Guess I'll watch the Kimmel show

Oh no, here we go

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

New Release Tuesday Parody Covers

Aside from Justin Moore's (already parodied) Outlaws Like Me, these albums also come out June 21st...

Country Day Jun '11: Bonus Track

Country Day June '11: Parody Album Covers