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Aug 22, 2010
Aug 20, 2010
YouTube Gems: The Brothers Comatose
Here are The Brothers Comatose with "Trippin' on Down" from their album, Songs from the Stoop. RIYL: Old Crow Medicine Show, The Steeldrivers, Trampled by Turtles, The Avett Brothers.
Aug 19, 2010
Top Ten Comebacks We’d Prefer Over Limp Bitzkit's
The godfathers of douche rock, Limp Bizkit, have returned with a new tour this year and a new album coming out soon, to no one's excitement. Here are a few comebacks FTM would prefer to Durst and company's.
10. Rat Tails
8. Cookies & Cream Hershey Bars
7. The metric system
6. The 69 Boyz
5. Yuppies
4. Troll Dolls
3. GeoCities/Angelfire websites
2. Mark McGuinn
1. Pluto (the planetoid)
Aug 17, 2010
Aug 16, 2010
Aug 15, 2010
Top 10 Country Singer Alcoholic Beverages
With Martina McBride having her own signature wine, FTM thought it would be fun to imagine what alcoholic beverages other country stars might get behind.
10. Billy Gillman White Wine
Sweet and light sauvignon blanc that disappears off the shelf when it has aged 13 years.
09. Miranda Lambert's G&L Tequila
Every bottle of Miranda's handcrafted blue agave tequila is infused with gunpowder and has genuine bullet fragments in the bottom.
08. John Rich's RedRum
Warning; Consumption of this beverage may lead to intercourse with persons possibly under the legal age of consent or over-agressive tendencies towards persons of the same sex. Has been shown in laboratory testing to increase the girth of head by 5.7%.
07. Blake Shelton's BS "Ale"
Actually 100 proof bourbon, but is sold in beer cans so no one will know you're getting drunk 7 times faster than everybody else.
06. Taylor Swift Fearless Champagne
She can't have any for a few more years, but you can celebrate all your shiny awards and platinum certifications with Taylor's top shelf bubbly. Flavor is sugary but honest with no twangy aftertaste.
05. Sideman Porter
Kristian Bush's premium label porter. It's overly bitter and not very good but it comes free when you buy Jennifer Nettles' tasty Sugarland Lager.
04. Jo Dee Messina Malt Liquor
Hearty bottom of the barrel drink you used to enjoy but you're not sure why; went out of production in 2005, but the store will keep trying to sell it to you anyway.
03. George Strait "Stand There and Drink" Gin
...but don't drink too much or you might want to dance or something.
02. Johnny Cash Pina Colada Mix
So what if it doesn't fit the man in black's persona? John Carter likes 'em. Also: getting caught in the rain.
01. David Allan Coe White Label Whiskey
What'd you expect? Black label?
Aug 14, 2010
Aug 13, 2010
YouTube Gems: Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
Here's (cliche qualifier: former Drive-by Trucker) Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit with "Cigarettes and Wine" from their self-titled album. Hoping for new tunes from them soon!
Aug 12, 2010
John Rich's Songwriting Tips #43
I shouldn't even have to say this, but stay true to the roots of country music when you're writing a damn country song. By that, I mean to keep it real. Women really love Lifetime television, so if you write a p*ssy-*ss love song, you're keeping it real for them. Women also (at least in their mind) really love country boys who dip and fish and wear Wranglers, so if you take somebody's previous "country pride" hit and change the words up a little, you're keeping it real. Men really love getting some, so keep their women happy with mamby pamby cheerful songs... and you're keeping it real for the fellas. Real is in the eye of the moneyholder, mofos. I'm real as your granny's beard, baby. That's country.*Not actually written by John Rich
Aug 11, 2010
Review Fails II
I like to review songs and album as much as the next blogger, but sometimes it's just more fun to sit back and let the (ir)regular music fans do it...
These are actual unedited iTunes customer reviews.
best song out
(5 Stars)
by mwilliams141414
This is the best song he's ever wrote, no questions asked!
Taylor Swift used to be good...
(1 Star)
by DUKEBASKETBALLFAN
...But now she has become terrible. No longer the next Lucinda Williams.
••••••
Carrie blows Tay out of the water!!
(1 Star)
by Carriegurll
Carried Underwood for life :)
Soulja Boy - Pretty Boy Swag (yes, again)
Yall failures
(5 Stars)
by Ain't KnowBody Cares
Soulja boy tell em to me is i look at what he is doing i like to see people hate on artist it makes yall failures to yourself showin what yall lack on doin the way yall hate soulja boy keeps hittin da streets wit his swagg so keep your b******t to yourself and just enjoy keepin your mouth shut on artist who is makin money and just doin them
One of the Best!
(5 stars)
by Goodtunesfan
I have seen these guys live with Motley Crue and they are fantastic. If you where rating a band for being a BAND, then these guys are better than GNR ever where. The musician ship is un-herad of in this form of music. Great album and one of their best.
Rascist
(1 Star)
by EminemRules27
Don't buy!!!
••••
GAY
(1 Star)
by Lebron James#1
he is gay
••••
I'd rather do meth then listen to this
(1 Star)
by me3955644354165
This is the worst cd ever created. I would rather put a small animal in my butt and let it crawl around then listen to this. Dont waste your money on this when u can buy cocaine on the corner and ruin ur body the same way this will. I would rather be thrown off a building and land on a wombat which tears out my eyes then listen to this.
Williams Riley - A Different Kind of Country
This is where Country music is going
(5 Stars)
by Dune Demon
Like it or not people this is where country music is going and its for the better if you ask me, there's finally some artists out there that are not afraid to step it up and take the genre to a new level that some of the old school country singers can't keep up with.. I grew up listening to Rock, Punk, Metal and Country and to be honest I didn't like country music for a very long time cause it was boring and all the songs were the same. ... I agree with the person that said there should be 2 Genres for Country music... one for "The same old country that remains to be boring" and one for "New and Exciting Country Music thats a pleasure to listen too"
Retarted
(1 Star)
by Dustin shively
Why because the song makes no freakin sense they needed to make a better song
He deserves a second chance!!
(5 Stars)
by limaloser
...*Chris Brown is one of the greatest and sexiest artist alive who deserves a second chance! Forget about this woman beaterness- that's over! Appreciate good music!
Adaliene
(4 Stars)
by aworth18
C'mon fells good! Whatever you do at least make sure your download Adaliene. First naked girl I ever saw.....
H8AS
(5 Stars)
by 95 South
It's so funny how many people H8. They say H8as make da world go round. LOL. I luv Jeezy keep doin you. H8as going H8 hell somebody gotta do it. They talked about Jesus you know da going talk about you. Let dat man do him & you jus do u.
Aug 10, 2010
Aug 9, 2010
The next post is...
Country Day August featuring parody album covers from Craig Morgan, Randy Rogers Band, Trace Adkins, Kevin Fowler and more... and lots of cursing!
A Closer Look: Rascal Flatts
Rascal Flatts recently announced that they have signed with Scott Borchetta's Big Machine label. Here's a lovely shot of the guys with Mr. Borchetta.
And here's a closer look....
Uh oh, run guys!
Aug 8, 2010
Aug 7, 2010
YouTube Gems: JJ Grey & Mofro
If you're a fan of swamp rock or deep soul, or artists like Tom Petty, Tony Joe White, Otis Redding or The Black Crowes, you should check out JJ Grey and Mofro. These guys have a new album, Georgia Warhorse, due in a couple weeks, and here's a song that will be on that release, "The Sweetest Thing."
Aug 5, 2010
Aug 4, 2010
Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio August
I'm a little late on this month's release, but better late... (click the links for a video or song sample)
The JaneDear Girls - Wildflower
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the female Rascal Flatts. Oh wait, that was SheDaisy. Well, the JaneDears are in that neighborhood anyway. Wildflower is kinda catchy, overly bouncy, too pop, way too generic. The song sounds like it was written by a professional pop songwriter who's never actually spent more than a week in the country. (cue the commenter who actually knows the writer, who's lived in Bucksnort, AR all his life and has more country in his pinkie finger than I have in my whole body)
D
Billy Currington - Pretty Good at Drinking Beer
Depending on your perspective, this is either a lovable loser anthem built for the dog days of summer... or it's a repetitive tune about a lazy jackass. I'm somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the former.
B-
Leean Rimes - Swingin'
A lot of critics and bloggers are loving this bouncier cover of John Anderson's 80's classic. Not this one. It's not bad, it just doesn't relate to me on any sort of emotional level.
C
Lady Antebellum - Our Kind of Love
Lady A has played it way too safe since their breakthrough hit and this continues the trend. Good enough, but they're capable of so much more.
C
Bo Bice - Take Yourself With You
Bo's warm, Travis Tritt-like voice is well suited for country, but it seems Bo is using the same songwriters Tritt's been using for the past 10 years. This is like putting (Nascar champ) Jimmie Johnson in a hatchback for the next Nextel race.
D+
Stealing Angels - He Better Be Dead
Holy crap. Don't date this girl! Don't flirt with this girl! And especially don't have a one night stand with this girl! The spite dripping from this song makes Jaron's "Pray For You" sound like a lullabye. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is kind of an answer song to that one, in attitude anyway. And women wonder why men have commitment issues. Besides that, this is at best a C-rate country song. But it grades out at:
D
Kevin Fowler - Pound Sign
Catchy, semi-clever novelty song that will wear out its welcome in coming weeks.
C+
Miranda Lambert - The House that Built Me (Acoustic)
Perfection delivered a little more simply. If the original doesn't win a Grammy, a CMA, a CMT, an AMC, a People's Choice, an Oscar (okay, not that one)... something's wrong.
A
Darren Kozelsky - Somebody Find Me a Preacher
My opinion of this song is surely tainted by hearing Trace Adkins' earlier rendition of it. Darrin's version comes off quite a bit more lifeless. It's still a good song, but the performance is underwhelming.
C-
Blackberry Smoke - Good One Comin' On
Normally a song about partying that includes a line "keep this party rocking till the break of dawn" would get an instant D or less grade from me, but "Good One Comin' On" is catchy and there's a strong "it" factor radiating from this track. It should get a fair look from radio programmers. Bonus points for the Ray Wylie Hubbard mention.
B
Julianne Hough - Is That So Wrong
Julianne turns toward more "adult" material with this tune and her new album. What I think she meant is "adult contemporary." Bore.ing. Video's nice though! (Put that rolling pin away, Mrs. Trailer)
C
Frankie Ballard - Tell Me You Get Lonely
Simple, catchy and well sung. Possible hit, but the field is crowded. (side note: I didn't know there were still people who went by "Frankie" and weren't gangsters; is Frankie's girlfriend named Florence?)
B-
Toby Keith - Trailerhood
I was expecting the worst after hearing Josh Turner's crappy song with the same title a couple years back, figuring for TK's take on the same. I was happily surprised to be proven wrong. While this is still mostly a listing song telling the virtues and vices of living in a mobile home park, there's a friendly joy in this song that makes it more of an engaging experience than an amusing museum piece.
B+
Aug 3, 2010
Regular Guy Reviews: Horatio Lee Jenkins
Regular Guy Review
Horatio Lee Jenkins - Drunker Than Satan
(I've had the title track for a while, but just recently received the entire EP for review, so here we go....)
If you enjoy the unique musical stylings of country satirist Gary Floater, you'll love Horatio Lee Jenkins. HLJ is one honky-tonkin', outlaw son of a bitch and on top of that, he's a legend for outdrinking Satan himself.
A la "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," "Drunker Than Satan" finds Mr. Jenkins challenging the dark lord to a competition based on shared talents, which in this case is downing alcoholic beverages rather than ripping on the fiddle. Horatio Lee rises to the occasion, leaving ol' Scratch puking, claiming as his prize for winning, of course, more beer!
Throughout the rest of this wonderfully absurd EP, Jenkins and others remind you of his conquest of Hell's head man, working it into nearly every other tune. He parlays his drinking fame into the bedding of multiple women, but laments that all can't be present one night In "Girl, This Bed is Too Big Without All 12 of You." He's a proponent of homosexuality (if only so he, the straightest man in America the world, can have his pick of more women) in "It's Okay to Be Gay."
After Horatio's 4 tracks of insanity, things get REALLY weird. A psychadelic band called Big Drugs performs a ridiculously cheesy hippie-tastic love and intoxicants fest. I'm guessing Horatio approves of the message or is, in fact, a founding member of Big Drugs.
Next, Scream Engine and the Carnage Caboose gives us the scream-metal send up, "I Kick Ass Because I Hate Not Kicking Ass." Intentionally or not, this tune has Hank III dead in its satirical sights.
Finally, Horatio's pianist, Carl Dangers, delivers a peculiar, loving ode to his hero, Horatio Lee Jenkins, who in case you missed it earlier, once outdrank Satan.
Throughout the album, we're treated to a veritable cornucopia of instrumental delights, (Gary Floater would like that cliche) from a kazoo solo to power ballad worthy electric guitar licks. This thing's strange, folks.
As much fun as this was to listen to sober, I can only imagine that it's even more so under the influence of some of Lee's beloved attitude adjusters.
Album available for purchase here.
Aug 2, 2010
YouTube Gems: Drew Kennedy
Here's Drew Kennedy's sparkly new video for "Room 27" from An Audio Guide to Cross Country Travel.
Aug 1, 2010
Country Doppelgangers 6
A younger Rodney Crowell and Pippin from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Shelby Lynne and Marcia Marcia Marcia! (Maureen McCormick of The Brady Bunch)
"Way Out Here" singer Josh Thompson and "The Jesus" (R-rated link) from The Big Lebowski.
Eddie Montgomery and The Undertaker of WWE fame.
Spittin' image....
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