Farce the Music: Lady Antebellum

May 7, 2013

Top 10 Co-hosts CMT Considered Before Jason Aldean

Kristin Bell and the ever-ebullient Jason Aldean will be hosting this year's CMT Awards. Here are the other 10 potential co-hosts for Bell CMT considered before Aldean.

(Editor's note: I'm not sure how some of these could have actually co-hosted, but go with it...)

Algebra

Drying paint

James Franco and Anne Hathaway

Growing grass

Lady Antebellum

Laundry

This bag of rice cakes

Televised golf

War and Peace

Josh Turner

Sep 28, 2012

The Inaugural Hatin' Rankings

I've wanted to come up with something like this for a while... a rankings list of crap, kind of the opposite of ESPN NFL Power Rankings. Which country artists or bands suck the most in FTM's book right now? Well, you're about to find out. I'll update this monthly or whenever a change is necessary.

Mar 13, 2012

In the Year 2030 #8

Top country songs now pine for the "good ol' days" of throwing eggs in the suburbs, playing Wii and listening to Jason Aldean in SUVs.

Mullet returns to prominence as favored men's hairstyle. Despite this, Billy Ray Cyrus still not considered cool.

Former Wrangler spokesperson Jason Aldean now sponsored by Sansabelt.

Gucci Mane gets laser removal of the ice cream tattoo on his face. Replaces it with equally perplexing roll of toilet paper.

Lady Antebellum, due to the pressures of misguided political correctness, changes their name to Lady Diversity.

Foo Fighters the only remaining rock band in existence. Oh wait, that's already true…

Colt Ford inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Trailer admitted to a mental facility.

Eric Church refuses to take his high blood pressure meds, cementing his status as an outlaw with the over-50 crowd.

Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton film a Cialis commercial with them "whitetail hunting."

Taylor Swift buys an island for a summer home. Changes name from Oahu to Sparkle Island.

The still-single Kenny Chesney's autobiography reveals what everyone always suspected about him - he wears sleeveless shirts due to upper arm dermatitis.

Mar 12, 2012

Parody of Lady Antebellum's "Dancing Away With My Heart"

This is in poor taste. You've been warned.

Running Away From My Fart
(Parody of Lady Antebellum's "Dancing Away With My Heart")

I finally asked you to dance on the last slow song
But 'neath my abdomen something really was wrong
I can still feel your arms full of passion
And praying my cheeks would hold in the gasses

But it ripped out like book pages
So vile I felt it split my Wranglers apart
From me you suddenly sprinted like Usain Bolt
Just running away from my fart

The band stopped playing cause they were so surprised
And the crowd stared at me with disgust through their tear-filled eyes
But I still felt the pain from those baked beans
As regions down under once again forsaked me

It exploded like road rages
And it sounded like my insides had gone to war
And the dance floor emptied out like the Exodus
Folks running away from my fart

The fact that I'm alone now, well that's quite a bummer
But what hurts the most
Are the tales and the gossip that follow me wherever I go

Yeah, that was one for the ages
I heard they even had to shut down that ol' bar
And none of my friends even wanna shoot the bull
They're running away from my fart

Nah nah nah nah (x3)

Away from my fart

Nah nah nah nah (x3)