New Brantley Gilbert Album Cover Revealed - Just As I Am

Honest Radio Promo Ad: King Douche (Chase Rice)

New Luke Bryan Spring Break EP Cover Revealed!

Country Bumper Stickers March '14: Chase Rice, BG, etc.

Country Day Parody Covers Feb. '14 Part 3: Conway, DAC, Granger Smith, etc.

Country Day Parody Covers Feb. '14 Part 2: Jerrod Niemann, Miranda Lambert, etc.

Country Day Parody Covers Feb. '14 Part 1: Nickel Creek, Ronnie Dunn, etc.

Lyric Parody: Zac Brown Band - Sweet Annie

"Sweet Fanny"

(Parody of ZBB's "Sweet Annie")

(As sung by a bro-country songwriter)

I been drinkin' Lite

And leaning against this fender

Pretty girls and brain dead bros seem to be my line of work

Believe me when I say, I impressed by all your splendor

This man might be too old for you, but baby turn around

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Don't know how you're so round and tight

But those Daisy Dukes and your college glutes are just what I prefer

Your big and bodacious bootay, sugar shakes when you bend over

Dance around, to fake country sounds, please don't think I'm a perv

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Oh what a sight

There ain't too much fat in 'em

This'll go platinum

A plaque in my den

To tell the truth, my thoughts don't run much deeper

Did you just call me a creeper?

No please don't call the cops again

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Honest Logo (iHeartRadio)

We Can Dream, Can't We?

Actually....

Customers Who Bought Brantley's New Single Also Bought______

A Christmas Lyric from Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson (NSFW)

I Won't Be Homo for Christmas

©2013 FTM Lyrics

I'm dreamin' tonight of the straight kind of love

Not of men, I mean come on dudes

And although I know it's hip to "brokeback"

I promise you

I won't be homo for Christmas

You can't reach around me

Please have boobs and sweet, sweet poon

If you want this Christmas tree

Christmas Eve will find me

Where vagina's seen

I won't be homo for Christmas

Do not be deceived

Christmas Eve will find me

Far from fruity queens

I won't be homo for Christmas

Not even in my dreams

Okay, maybe just in my dreams

_________________

This trashy parody of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" is not reflective of anyone at FTM's personal beliefs in any regards to the Phil Robertson/A&E controversy. It's just satirical and topical...

Least Essential Country Albums: Dec. '13

Cruise Parody - "Booze"

On the 1-year anniversary of "Cruise" hitting number one, here's a parody put together by 10-Pound Hammer (Bobby at Roughstock) and myself. If the words are a bit tough to discern thanks to the ample auto-tune, the lyrics are below!

"Booze"

To get your song on, you gotta sing about the girls and trucks and booze

VERSE 1
Yeah, when I first heard you on my radio station

It heralded the start of an idiotic invasion

Thought, "Oh good Lord, a stupid jam for the summer,
Because that's what we need to make radio dumber"

CHORUS
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze
To really knock 'em out, sing praise to the South and make a bold shout out or two
To the kings of country, that's a winner
Though you sound like Def Leppard mixed with Skynyrd, yeah
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze

VERSE 2
If he's nineteen and buzzin' with a head full of nothin'
And drinkin' and drivin with his speakers a-bumpin'
And headed to the field in his pickup, you know
Then singin' 'bout him will make a lot of dough

CHORUS
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze
To really knock 'em out, sing praise to the South and make a bold shout out or two
As if you sing country, that's a winner
No, you sound like Def Leppard mixed with Skynyrd, yeah
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze

VERSE 3

When that winter cold starts to retreat

It's time to crank up those hip hop beats, yeah
Just turn it up, play it all night
No one's gonna whine if you mention shine
And girls in bikinis and fire light.

It'll climb the charts, sell big at Walmart

Make sure to thank the Lord, no one cares 'bout art

Man, you sure got the brain in my head numbin'

I sure wish I'd thought of this instead

CHORUS
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze
To really knock 'em out, sing praise to the South and make a bold shout out or two
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze
To really knock 'em out, sing praise to the South and make a bold shout out or two
As if you sing country, that's a winner
No, you sound like Def Leppard mixed with Skynyrd, come on!
To get your song on, you gotta sing about  the girls and trucks and booze
Yeah, those girls and trucks and booze

FTM's Christmas Parody Song Playlist

FTM Holiday Song Parody Playlist*:

David Allan Coe- I'm Dreaming of a White White Christmas

Kacey Musgraves feat Ashley Monroe and Willie Nelson- The Christmas Bong

Florida-Georgia Line- Doin' it for the HoHoHos

Scotty McCreery - The Howdy Doody Christmas

Gary Levox- I'm Getting Stuffing for Christmas

Taylor Swift - Santa Looked a Lot Like Scott Borchetta

Kenny Chesney-  All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Man

Justin Moore - Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas

Colt Ford ft T-Pain- Rufus the Remix Reindeer

Jason Aldean - Oh Come All Ye Unfaithful

Luke Bryan- Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

--------------------------------------

-Concept and most of the titles by Robert Groves @fiveoletsgo

*These songs do not actually exist.

Live on NBC This Thursday Night!

Blackjack Billy - Get Some (Honest Ad)

Honest Billboard Country Airplay Chart

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Classics

FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)

Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains

You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire

Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off

Love that moneymaker

American Pie

So hey girl, Miss American Pie

Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine

And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up

Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some

He Stopped Loving Her Today

She stopped shakin' it today

He took her pic off his dashboard

And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet

She stopped shakin' it today

When Doves Cry

Touch if you will my tattoo

Sweet-ass new tribal design

You've got the watermelon lipstick

Don't make me beg you

Country boys got pride

Hey Jude

Hey Chad, don't spill my beer

Crank a Hank song just like a baller

Remember to find a chick at the bar

Then you can start to give a holler

Thunder Road

And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways

Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat

As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"

Hey let me rub on your big fatty

Chase Rice is the Bro-iest!