Dec 20, 2010
Dec 19, 2010
Top 10 captions for this Merle photo
"If I make it through December 5th, I'll be fine."
Merle Haggard anxiously awaits his consultation with one of Obama's "HMOs."
"I knew I should gone with the black boots."
"If I don't meet Oprah in the next ten minutes, I'm outta here!"
"This necklace makes me look like a fruit."
"Hmmm, I wonder how Willie got on the roof..."
I was told there'd be a jello mold. Where's the damn jello mold??
"That can't be Paul McCartney's real face."
Insert incoherent political rambling here:_______________
We'll all be eatin' that free White House grub
Wearin' that rainbow sash
Dec 18, 2010
Dec 17, 2010
Dec 16, 2010
Dec 15, 2010
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist: A Christmas Review
Lady Antebellum - All I Want for Christmas is You
Where do I begin? Oh, seasons greetings! Happy holidays! Have an enjoyable time of winter festivities!
Just kidding people. Merry Christmas! The war against our sacred holiday is never over. Why just this morning, a Walmart greeter called out to me "Good morning!" Standing there with a blinking wreath around her name tag and everything, Anna Beth Thompson had the gumption not to mention the very reason I must be entering her workplace on this cold mid-December morning (I was looking for a VCR tape of this popular "Interception" movie or some-such for my nephew Claude's Christmas gift)
This band has the audacity to release a Christmas EP with only one single true Christmas song that mentions the birth of the sweet little rosy-cheeked baby Jesus. WTH (heck)? Just call the album "A Merry Little Politically Correct December Event" so as not to bring the good Lord into your secular festivitizing.
Anyhoo, this song. This song… first of all it's a cover of a song by this hussy Maria Carry. You know, that 40 year old gal who goes galavanting around with men half her age, showing off her mammary glands at any given moment. I swear you'd think she'd just go topless… might as well; we've seen it all anyway. When will ladies learn that their milk dispensers are only functional devices? They are not advertisements for subhuman desires.
Back to the song. On the surface (I use that phrase a lot about these popular musical selections), this is a song with a good message: that love, not material goods, is not the preferred Christmas gift. That's all good and lovely, but there's a major caveat.
This "Christmas message" conforms to the popular culture and media's idea of "what Christmas is all about" not what the Holy Word proclaims it to be. In their world, Christmas is a generic term for a time of year where we should gather our friends and family close for overindulgence in food (gluttony), festivity (laziness), alcohol (drunkenness) and the like. I assume Lady A wants her beau for Christmas for carnal reasons alone. This country is going to Hades in a covered dish.
An excerpt from last Christmas at my house:
Larry (that's me): "Aren't we thankful that God sent his son to save us from our iniquities on this joyous day?"
Uncle Teddy: "Yeah sure, pass the dressing."
Cousin Shelly: "I got a new pair of sparkly skinny jeans!"
JJ from down the street: "Anybody got some more of that pear wine?"
Larry: "Who invited JJ??"
See, even in righteous families such as mine, the true meaning of Christmas has been diluted, and songs like this only add to the distractions of this hustly bustly time of year. Forget what Rudolph and Charles Kelley tell you is the "real meaning" of the season. Look in the Gospel, my friends. Praise Jesus!
I guess I've said enough. I hope you enjoy this Christmas without soundtracking your celebrations with sinful drivel such as this. Do not let Satan enter in to this Holiest of times.
And don't get me started about New Years.
F
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 13, 2010
Dec 12, 2010
Dec 10, 2010
Dec 9, 2010
Country Christmas Cards: John Rich
FTM has been lucky enough to get on a few stars' mailing lists and we've acquired some holiday cards the stars are sending out this year. First up is John Rich.
Dec 8, 2010
.99 Reviews: Aaron Lewis - Country Boy
Aaron Lewis (with Chris Young, George Jones and Charlie Daniels) - Country Boy
(Note: linked version does not feature the guest stars)
The People's Take
Aaron is the MAN!! (5 Stars)
by Casie Browning
My wife and I have loved Aaron since Staind started back in 96'. His lyrics have always spoken to us and this song makes us love him even more. Get this now and request it on all the country stations out there.
Watch out country music, Aaron Lewis HAS ARRIVED!!! (5 Stars)
by redheadfaxy
Absolutely LOVE that voice!
My Take
Another day, another rocker going country. I'm not going to delve into the authenticity of this song; I have no idea if Lewis, lead singer of nu-metal outfit Staind, is actually from the country and I don't care. I'm going to take this thing at face value. First of all, he doesn't stray from the down-in-the-mouth, angst-filled delivery he used in modern rock hits like "So Far Away" and "It's Been Awhile." That alone makes this song nearly unlistenable as Mr. Staind never varies from his Alice in Chains-lite vocals. To play devil's advocate though, at least he didn't suddenly develop a Clearchannel-ready twang. Still, it's disconcerting in the context of this song.
Next of all, if there's a "proving my country cred" song with more rural touchstones than this, I'll eat my iPhone (not really; Justin Moore might ruin my lunch with his next release). Hank, guns, jeans, t-shirts, trucks, whiskey, dirt roads, soldiers, patriotism, stubborn independence…. what else do you need right?
George Jones warbles a little and Charlie Daniels even stops in to tell us about family and country and say "sonsabitches" at the end. I guess Chris Young was in there too, but I couldn't pick him out in the first 3 listens… and I don't want to listen again.
Overcompensating much?
Again, I don't know if Aaron Lewis really grew up on a rural route or in a trailer park on 49 South, but even if Jamey Johnson sang this song I'd have to take him to task for going way too heavy on the back woods imagery.
A co-worker said it sounds like one of those songs on a rock album where the band tries its hand at country… and many have done so much better. Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains and especially The Rolling Stones, to name a few.
And then... the song itself. It's as dull as any Staind album cut. That band, while milquetoast as all get out, still managed to create some "catchy" and successful singles based on the Nirvana quiet-loud formula. In "Country Boy," there is no differentiation between verse and chorus melody-wise. It's the aural equivalent of a wet dishrag.
While other rockers gone country have been received at country radio with open arms, I'd be shocked if this one got much of a run. It's just too tuneless and drab, and the superstar appearances have no positive effect whatsoever.
A minor kudos: there's a bit more honesty and grit to this than your average country cred tune, but that doesn't move the arrow much in the positive direction.
This is a dud.
The Checklist: (I've added a couple of categories: blue jeans and dirt road)
Beer
Life AffirmationMama
Boots
Name DroppingDying Person
County Fair
Blue JeansLost Love
Love
Hometown PrideKindly Advice
Dirt RoadTruckWhiskeyUSASoldiersPop Sheen
Star Power
Dec 6, 2010
Larry Lee Reviews George Strait & The Band Perry
George Strait - The Fireman
This hedonistic song is about man who fancies himself skillful at romancing women, and refers to himself by the metaphorical nickname "the fireman," indicating a self-idoling confidence in his abilities to satisfy loose females. He lists instances of his sordid adventures as evidence. One story he relates leads one to believe he is partaking in an adulterous relationship with one paramour. The listener must gather that the singer is conducting lustful thought, necking, foreplay, intercourse outside the bounds of marriage as well as possible oral deviance. This disturbingly risky behavior is recounted with a flippant attitude about the perverse activities and also a lack of regard for the potential eternal consequences (What good is it for a man to gain a harem of sexually compliant women and lose his very soul?). As such, one can only assume Mr. Strait is a wicked, unsaved man and his work is not fit for good Christian people, especially youngsters.
F
The Band Perry - If I Die Young
I believe this to be a deviant song of demonic origin. On the surface, it is presented as a lovely, poetic song about the untimely death of a young lady and her desire to be given some romanticized ritualistic type of funeral. She makes requests of the good Lord, such as to make her a rainbow after her death. This alone goes against the spirit of God's Word, but the most evil meaning of this song is below the surface of the pretty pretty words (the Devil comes to us not in the hangman's garb, but in silken clothing). After intense prayer time and discussion with others from the West Holcomb Primitive Baptist Church, I have determined that this is a song that glorifies suicide. This young lady decides to end her life (with a "sharp knife"), and why?? Because she has not yet had sexual intercourse with a man! For shame! This depraved culture has put upon our young people that their self-worth is based upon how often they engage in the sin of fornication. I tell you America, we are now bearing the fruit of the abominable seeds sown in the late 1960's. I renounce you Satan! I pray the Lord shines his light down upon this young family musical band and shows them the error of their iniquity before they split the gates of Hell wide open. I will personally wash the feet of the Perrys should they choose to know and follow the will of the Lord.
F
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