Farce the Music: Sturgill Simpson

Showing posts with label Sturgill Simpson. Show all posts

Dec 8, 2021

What Your Favorite 2021 Album Says About You

satire obviously

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Florida-Georgia Line - Life Rolls On

Your life peaked in 2014. You cried when you thought FGL was breaking up. You are unable to parallel park without the assistance of your backup camera. Your daughter will have to spell her name aloud seven-thousand times in her life.

Clay Walker - Texas to Tennessee

You’re a huge 90s country fan with kids and a busy life, and you didn’t actually listen to this album. You just assumed it was good because Clay Walker.

Strand of Oaks - In Heaven

You haven’t been out of the house in 19 months except to get packages from Smoke Cartel off the porch. You’re apolitical except about weed.

Eric Church - &

You’re in the Eric Church fan club. You’ve seen Eric 37 times. You named your son Kenneth (Eric’s first name). You need another hobby.

Sturgill Simpson - The Ballad of Dood & Juanita

You are a sports writer or a Sturgill Stan. You spent a great deal of time making fun of Hillbilly Elegy on Twitter this year.

Niko Moon - Good Time

You can only listen to happy music because even a Hallmark movie is too emotionally roiling for you. You have argued passionately online about how Niko is in fact a country singer, and then you forgot he existed a month later when his second single tanked, and you only remember him now because he was number one on your Spotify Wrapped.

Kacey Musgraves - star-crossed

You are whatever hipsters are called in 2021. You raged when this album was left out of the Grammy country nominations, but only because everyone else in your social bubble was doing the same. You have never heard Same Trailer, Different Park.

Oct 22, 2021

Sports Writer Fired for Not Liking Jason Isbell, Sturgill Simpson

Sports writer Brandon Culpepper, a beloved character in the Twittersphere and podcasting world was let go from the Fourth & Twenty-Five Sports network this week in a move that shocked many fans and readers. Most assumed 4th&25 was simply having cutbacks, as many media outlets are prone to do from time to time, but the actual reasons for Culpepper’s firing were oddly specific.

“They said I didn’t tweet about Sturgill Simpson enough,” laughed Culpepper in a recent phone interview. “I mean, he’s fine but I’m more into jam bands and indie hip-hop.”

Culpepper, or Cully as he’s affectionately known, went on to say that his indifference to Jason Isbell, professional wrestling, and the show Ted Lasso had also been brought up as reasons for his dismissal at the exit interview. “I thought I was supposed to be a sports personality, not a paradigm of culture,” said Culpepper. “But they said my values and preferences did not align with what is commonly expected of a social media sports bro.”

“I thought the whole ’30 to 50 feral hogs’ thing was hilarious, but that’s as much as I’ve ever gotten into Isbell,” he went on. “And what’s the likelihood of every young to middle-aged sports writer, black or white, male, female, or otherwise, being into Dusty Rhodes and the New Day? It’s like they all graduated from Florida or something.”

Despite winning several awards for his writing, drawing respectable numbers to his college basketball podcast, and being a great brand ambassador, it was made clear that Culpepper’s personal interests were a detriment to his employment at 4th&25.

“I was given every opportunity to adapt to their expectations along the way, so this is fair I guess,” said Cully. “But I just couldn’t bring myself to care about Marriott points, arguing over who makes the best barbecue, Lane Kiffin memes, complaining about flight delays, Bruce Springsteen, Bioshock, soccer, or Dogecoin.”

At press time, Culpepper had returned to school to learn to code.