Country Radio Content Pie Chart

Country eCards: April '14

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Big Hits

FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

Pearl Jam - Even Flow

Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized

Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake

Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again

Lite again, Lite again...

Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw dat ass

I felt my skinny jeans start to rise

And the moon and the stars over my tailgate

Got to watch me get in them thighs

Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me

If you gone mad-dog, step up:

Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.

If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,

You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.

Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes

Well, it's one for the honeys,

Two for the shine,

Three for my Chevy,

Past the county line.

But don't you step on my square-toed boots.

You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.

Jay-Z - 99 Problems

99 problems but a hitch ain't one

If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son

I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one

Hit me

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)

(Drop it Like a) Tailgate

©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates

Raptor rollin' can't be late

Country girl for a hot date

Cut-offs make my heart race

Drive out where the crops grow

Pickups by the dirt rows

Bass kickin' errbody know

She's here to rock the show

(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate

Shake it like an earthquake

Wiggle like some live bait

Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan

Honey-thang move that behind

Fireballin' no I don't mind

Gettin' crunk like a combine

Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight

Chill dude, it's a'ight

Get faded on some Bud Light

Let's all have a good night

(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate

Stop it like a disk brake

Make a gay dude go straight

Girl

Bridge

Every Friday I do the same

Wife beater and a wallet chain

Fly hotties and spittin' game

I already forgot her name

(but she can)

Drop it like a tailgate

Float it like a snowflake

Curvy as a rat snake

Girl

Yeah,

Drop it like a tailgate

Throw it like a bouquet

Hotter than a burnt steak

Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Monday Morning Memes: Chase Rice, Eric Church, etc.

Country Music Video Bingo

Print this out. Turn on CMT or GAC during those times when

they actually show videos. Crack a cold one. Enjoy.

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)

What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 

responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time

©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party

Driving the speed limit

Hands free callin'

I'll be there in a minute

I'm ready for a drink

My throat's got a tickle

But I wait till I'm safely

Out of the vehicle

Chorus

We're all here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff

But only have a couple

Don't want anyone

Getting in any trouble

One fellow's getting angry

He's red-faced and cussin'

Let's try to cool him down

With a friendly discussion

'Cause

We're just here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge

Crank up some Huey Lewis

That's how we like to rock

But if there's any drugs or sex

I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time

If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

2014 Country Radio Bingo!

Turn on your local Clearchannel country station and play along!

It's not a drinking game because I don't want anyone to die of alcohol poisoning.

Lyrical Satirical: There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

Sung to the tune of "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea."

There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl

There's a girl

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro

There's a bro

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer

There's a beer

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire

There's a fire

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight

There's a fight

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine

There's some shine

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song

There's a song

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

…there's a truck in the middle of the field

16 Signs You're a Huge Luke Bryan Fan

Paint Chips...you tend to eat them. -CB

You're not entirely sure what your virginity is and where it might be if you have lost it. -VF

You had to "register" and alert your neighbors concerning your "incident." - @DosRingos

The rest of the literate world has to sound out your Twitter and Facebook posts because they follow no accepted rules of spelling, grammar, or abbreviation. -MN

You go to a Randy Rogers concert and expect him to gyrate his hips during "Fuzzy." -CF

You drink Fireball Whiskey because as Shakespeare said, you hold your manhood cheap. - @TheJackalopeTX

Numb from the waist down because your pants are too tight and numb from the neck up because you do actually listen to to Luke Bryan -BM

You defend any criticism about Luke Bryan's music with the phrase, "But he's sooooooo hott!!!!" -SG

You think ‪Earl Dibbles Jr‬ is real. -DR

You keep a spare pair of skinny jeans in your trunk just in case you have a blowout. - ‏‪@shelbyjo‬

You wear your boots with your chubbies. -LY

You didn't know you could listen to music on the internets. -VC

You have to borrow your mom's credit card to buy his music - @MMars75

You own a $50,000 truck, but the wheels have never touched anything but concrete. -BS

You had to have a special hemorrhoid relief seat installed in your big black jacked up truck due to many hours of sitting on that diamond plate tailgate -JS

You start calling your mom 'girl.' -MP

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Thanks to FTM's Facebook friends and Twitter pals for the submissions!

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Clay Walker, etc.

Why Country Music Was Awful in 2013

Nice work, Grady!

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Fun New Game Sweeping the Countryside: Bro Libs

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Classics

FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)

Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains

You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire

Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off

Love that moneymaker

American Pie

So hey girl, Miss American Pie

Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine

And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up

Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some

He Stopped Loving Her Today

She stopped shakin' it today

He took her pic off his dashboard

And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet

She stopped shakin' it today

When Doves Cry

Touch if you will my tattoo

Sweet-ass new tribal design

You've got the watermelon lipstick

Don't make me beg you

Country boys got pride

Hey Jude

Hey Chad, don't spill my beer

Crank a Hank song just like a baller

Remember to find a chick at the bar

Then you can start to give a holler

Thunder Road

And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways

Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat

As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"

Hey let me rub on your big fatty

New Video: Wade Bowen - Songs About Trucks

Monday Morning Memes: Trucks, CMAs, Strait, etc.