Nov 29, 2012

C'mon George, That's Not Really Your Name



...and your handwriting is terrible!

Waylon Jennings Parody



I wrote this parody lyric back in 2006 and sadly,
it's gotten way more out of hand since then...

Don’t You Think This Redneck Bit Has Done Got Out of Hand
(Parody of Waylon’s “Don’t You Think This Outlaw Bit has Done Got Out of Hand”)

Verse 1:
I'm for peas and cornbread, and down home honesty
But this song's about the joke some folks have pulled on you and me
Soon as that gal redneck went up to number one
Folks re-found the drawl they’d lost - yeehaw, ain’t this some fun?

Chorus:
Don't you think this redneck bit has done got out of hand
What started out as getting real has turned into a scam
Now everybody’s dipping Skoal and sportin’ farmer’s tans
Don't you think this redneck bit has done got out of hand

Verse 3:
They were singin’ sweet pop music till ol’ Gretchen came along
Then overnight, big pickup trucks and sweet tea filled their songs
Hillbillies, hicks and white trash started skankin’ up the charts
They’re tradin’ in Versace fashion for blue jeans from Walmart

Chorus
Don't you think this redneck bit has done got out of hand
What started out as getting real has turned into a scam
Now everybody’s swiggin’ beer, sayin’ hell yeah and by damn
Don't you think this redneck bit has done got out of hand


©2006 Corey Parkman

Lyrical Satirical: Ho in Honky Tonk



“Ho” in Honky Tonk
©2012 FTM Satire

You ain’t from around here, is ya
I can tell by your frosted hair
And your eyeing that skirt
Yeah, she’s a real flirt
But let me warn you ‘bout that one there

Chorus
She puts the ho in honky tonk
She dirty dances to the slow dance songs
You’ll need prescriptions if she get whats she wants
She puts the ho in honky tonk

Said you can handle your business
Ha, that’s what she’s gonna say
She’s been with every guy
You can spy with your eye
Even ol’ Virgil there, and he’s gay

She puts the ho in honky tonk
She booty dances to a hurtin’ songs
You’ll have a rash if you get what you want
She puts the ho in honky tonk

Bridge
If you value your dignity
And your health, don’t be a fool
She goes down like Hennessy
Gets around like these bar stools

She puts the ho in honky tonk
Givin’ up that badonkadonk
You’ll need a clinic if she get whats she wants
She puts the ho in honky tonk

Country TwitterFAIL Nov. '12





















Thanks to Ten-Pound Hammer for sending this one in!

Nov 27, 2012

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #64




Think outside the box. Write from your own unique perspective. Tell an old story in a new way. This is advice losers give aspiring songwriters. Does anybody who followed those guidelines have a top 10 hit under their belt (or a big swinging tallywacker under their belt)? Hell no. Do any of those p***ies have a house the size of a community college? Do they have an elevator in their home with a full bar? Do they have f**kin' spotlights shining their glory upon the Nashville skyline? The answer again is hell no. So who are you going to listen to? Somebody who had a #34 hit in 1996 and now makes a living doing songwriter conferences or teaching creative writing has no business telling you how to bank them John Rich dollaz, homey. At Mt. Richmore, we do it big. We do it right. We research the Billboard charts and find the common threads that make the morons call their local station and request the latest "my by-God truck has tires bigger than your mama's beer gut" song. Screw originality. And I don't mean make sweet country lovin' to it, I mean, bend it over and give it to originality hard with no KY. You do for you and if you're like me, doing for you is doing for them big face bills. So in summary, think inside the box, write with the zombie masses in mind and tell old stories the same old damn way. Just throw in a few different truck accessories that weren't mentioned on the last top 10 Florida-Georgia Line smash. If you want to be an artist, move to San Francisco and decorate interiors or whatever those people do when they're not tearing down America. America was built on the backs of stupid people and a fool and his money are soon giving that money to me. Believe that, homeslice.



*Not actually written by John Rich.

Exclusive Shot of Justin Moore on his Radio Station Promo Tour


The Dark Knight Knows Grammar


More Country Memes: Skinny Jeans, Merle, etc.





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