A Barrage of Dumb FGL Quote Memes

The quotes are dumb, not the memes. Okay, the memes too.

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Stapleton's "Millionaire"

I didn't even listen to this. Chris Stapleton is just Luke Bryan with a beard. In fact, did you know he wrote a song for Luke Bryan? My God people - is this your country music savior? He also wrote a song for Thomas Rhett. If that's not enough for every won of you too not listen to him, you ain't a real country music fan like me! He also sang a song with Justin Timber Lake. Cringe city!

Seriously get the f*** out of my face with this guy. They play him on the radio, so he can't be very good. And they only play pop music so Chris Stapleton is a pop singer, plane and simple. I won't even listen to any of his music too see if my opinion is wrong, because it isn't. Somebody told me he was in a bluegrass band one time. Bull Shit! This fake ass wanna be doesn't know a banjo from a you calalee. 

I bet he's a liberal to. If you're hair is longer than a nice business cut, your probably a socialist hippie commisexual. I wouldn't listen to him unless are president himself came to my house and played him and even then I'd have to think long an hard about it. 

This song is called "Millionaire" because it's about what he became off of you sheep! Just because Farce the Music likes Chris Stapleton, doesn't mean anything. Trailer likes Jamey Johnson to and that guy wrote "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk." LOL, fake ass.

It's easy too know if your listening to real country music because if their's any instruments beside a steel guitar and an acoustic guitar are a fiddle, its not real. In fact, the ideal country music would be just a guy on death row (white) twanging a spring on his bed singing about a woman who done left him. That's real motherf***ing country music. 

In somarry, this song is bad and your bad if you like it and I don't trust you're opinion on anything.

TwitterWINs: February '18

Monday Morning Memes: Super Bowl LII Edition

 

2 Memes: Justin Timberlake, Kane Brown

Why Y’all Need to Get Off the High Horse and Give It Up for Lady Gaga

by Robert Dean

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re into music way deeper than the average bear. You’ve got a closet full of band shirts, and when someone is looking for new music, you practically wet your shorts. We dig through crates for vinyl, schedule vacations around shows, and more than once, we’ve asked for concert tickets as a Christmas gift.

Music nerds bond like glue over our obsession, but it also drives stakes between camps of people: like those who argue who the best Black Flag singer was, or should Dio-era Sabbath be called Sabbath or Heaven & Hell? (Ozzy is Black Sabbath, folks.)

When you go HAAM on music geekology, pop music is a sticky subject. It took everyone forever to realize it, but Justin Timberlake is one talented SOB. If you love music, it doesn’t take a genius to admit that dude is a once in a lifetime performer. I’d go as far and say JT is our generation’s answer to Frank Sinatra. He’s got the chops, can write (Sinatra never wrote songs), can play, and most importantly can back up this argument. But, this ain’t about Just Timberlake. It’s about Lady Gaga.

As a species of dork who loves to argue about the finer tenants of Patsy Cline’s career, or way Sarah Vaughn is a lesser known treasure, we need to embrace the fact that Lady Gaga is awesome.

Look, I know you’re about to throw the computer or phone in the trash over my inflammatory statement. This is one of those times when you have to set aside the “fuck pop music hat” just for a second. In a world of trite garbage that’s as morally infectious as whatever’s on the radio, you’ve gotta give it up to Gaga. 

She’s named after a Queen song, did a Bowie tribute, absolutely destroyed an Oscar performance of The Sound of Music and has recorded a duets record with Tony Bennett. What’s Britney Spears been up to lately? 

 Is Lady Gaga’s pop stuff good? It’s not my cup of tea, but what is admirable, is the lengths Lady Gaga goes to foster inclusivity, to push the boundaries of what’s allowed, vs. what’s accepted in popular culture. While some folks get caught up on a meat dress, there’s something to be said about a performer who’s donated, and worked in the trenches to help kids find homes when they’ve been kicked out for their life choices.

Lady Gaga hasn’t played by the rules that her peers do, she’s like a relic from the 1980’s in her style morphs into things, and assumes personalities, but always remaining her own. She’s not swinging around in a chair, trying to hawk things ala The Voice, but instead, she went on tour and played dive bars to get her chops back up after a lackluster album. Lady Gaga didn’t get discovered because she was in a halter top and some exec decided guys wanted to fuck her, and girls wanted to be her – instead, she slugged away at NYU, and then dropped out to front a Led Zeppelin cover band.

While she made a lot of statements about social causes and led by the example of what artists should to do lend their platform to others, it was Till it Happens to You  that put Lady Gaga on a different plain than the rest of her pop peers.  The depth of that song, exercising demons in such a powerful way, left a trail – one asking if we weren’t paying enough attention to an artist who was visibly taking risks against commercial success. You just don’t drop a song about date rape and expect nothing to come from it. That takes guts.

Gaga should be on your list of saints because let’s be honest – she saved Metallica’s ass on the Grammy’s. When Hetfield’s mic when MIA – Gaga stepped up, sexy stripper dancing and all. She knew the song. Not, like a half-assed version, either. She knew the words, the cadence. Her favorite band is Iron Maiden – it can’t be a far stretch that jumping on stage with Metallica wouldn’t be a lifetime moment for her, amongst her many success. 

That’s what makes this conversation fun – Lady Gaga has transcended the normal arguments of style vs. substance, ability vs. showmanship. She’s a legit performer who’s idealistic, and honest about her flaws. If you haven’t already found a special place for her in your heart, now’s the time. You ain’t gotta like her songs, but there’s absolutely no reason not to admit she’s exactly what the world needs out of a pop star: respectful to the past, writes and plays her own songs, and acts like she’s the boss.

Album Review: Larry Hooper - No Turning Back

Larry Hooper's No Turning Back surprised me. I did not expect the bearded everyman troubadour to go the routes he chose. It's a bold statement, and one that may lose him dedicated fans, but gain a whole new audience, or probably not. Normally, I'd vaguely summarize an album in the opening paragraph before delving into its contents, but I don't want to spoil anything …so lets dig in.

"Daydreams" leads off the album with a funky hip-hop beat that bass drops into a nu-metal sounding guitar riff. Larry then comes in with a "yeah baby" and you know this isn't going to be anything you might enjoy. The song is about working all day long, but daydreaming about skidding your pickup into your girl's drive at 5 after 5 with a 6 pack and all the romantic notions of a horn-dog 17 year old. It's an interesting about-face for the formerly thoughtful Texan, but hey, bills don't pay themselves.

"Cry Me a River" is, yes, a cover of Justin Timberlake's smash hit. While lacking the smooth pipes of Mr. Timberlake, Larry makes the song his own. In fact, he has the audacity to lead into the song with the statement "I wrote this for all them girls done me wrong." Legalities and copyright aside, Hooper proceeds to rap the entire song. He's a surprising adept rhyme dropper.

Later on, in the song "Practice Makes Perfect," a rollicking hick-hop track about shooting stuff, a strange thing happens. Though the track-listing says Courtney Patton is the vocal guest, there's actually just a slowed down sample of Rihanna's "Work." Again, I'm not sure this is legally on the up and up. It also doesn't really make sense, but Larry's trying everything here.

Help me

"I Was Wrong" is a folk-ska song that sounds a little like a Cure cover band with your uncle Mark doing lead vocals. Incongruently, the song is about Larry reconsidering his opinion of Linkin Park. I don't even know what's going on anymore.

"Fire and Brimstone" turns out to be a black metal re-imagining of the album's 4th track, the aggressively bro-country "Barabbas." I'm a little worried for my friend. Larry seems to have taken a cue from Zac Brown Band and decided to fling everything he can think of against the wall, hoping for some traction. Unfortunately, the wall is teflon coated and he's slinging Astroglide.

Though Hooper tries very hard, it doesn't all work, or rather, none of it works at all. From the veiled references to Star Wars porn parodies, to the spoken word asides about sweatbands, to the inexplicable constant profanity, No Turning Back is an absolute dumpster-fire-nado that will remove the better part of an hour from your life with no positive return. Lets hope Larry goes back to the intelligent folk-tinged country he's known for on the next try, but I have my doubts anyone will help kickstart his next effort after this raging inferno of batshit. No turning back indeed.



 ---------------------------

If brave, you can buy No Turning Back on iTunes, CD Baby, or Amazon.

Shocker! Rolling Stone is Incorrect.

49th CMA Awards: Snarky Twitter Wrap-Up

These aren't necessarily in order, but they hit a lot of the high points of last night's program.
Oh and, HELL YEAH CHRIS STAPLETON!!!!! (he won Best New Artist, Best Album, and Best Male Vocalist, if you were unaware)

If Chris Stapleton doesn't win all the awards tonight, we riot. #CMAawards

— Reginald Spears (@ReginaldSpears) November 4, 2015

STAPLETON/TIMBERLAKE 2016 🇺🇸🎤 #CMAawards

— Southern Girl Charm (@southrngirlchrm) November 5, 2015

My daughter just made the "confused girl in the carseat" face when FGL came on. #CMAAwards

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) November 5, 2015

What is a Sam Hunt and how do you make it stop?

— NotKennyRogers (@NotKennyRogers) November 5, 2015

When I was a kid I walked in on my parents fucking. I enjoyed it more than this Sam Hunt song. #CMAawards

— Wheeler Walker, Jr. (@WheelerWalkerJr) November 5, 2015

Is #SamHunt reciting his boyhood diary as a joke, or is this actually passable as "country" music by today's standards? #CMAAwards

— We Hate Pop Country (@WHPCOfficial) November 5, 2015

Sam Hunt is what happens when I download the T-Pain AutoTune app at 3 am after 6 hours at Walt's

— Cole Cassis (@ColeCasstastic) November 5, 2015

Eric Church just name checked Elvis Costello and Jeff Tweedy on the new album title track. Take my money, thanks.

— Craig Jenkins (@CraigSJ) November 5, 2015

That's Uncle Bobby language for "I like Kacey Musgraves" hahaha and it's hard to get that man's approval. pic.twitter.com/vUtwsdabuY

— Caitlin Josephine (@Cati_Jolyn) November 5, 2015

If #dimestorecameltoe doesn't start trending immediately, I'm going to be so disappointed in you Twitter. #cmawards

— Rawhide & Velvet (@rawhidevelvet) November 5, 2015

I wish Thomas Rhett and Fall Out Boy would come down with a case of swamp ass

— Justin Hanna (@just1hanna) November 5, 2015

@Farcethemusic why do you need a belt for skinny jeans? Don't they hold themselves up?

— Mark Breunig (@biggerging82) November 5, 2015

'Sure Gonna Know We Were Here' is Aldean's very worst song. What utter idiocy. All his hubris distilled into 3 minutes. #CMAawards

— Grady Smith (@gradywsmith) November 5, 2015

Y'all enjoy the CMA awards while you can, and by that I mean "before Earl Dibbles Jr. wins one."

— Charlie Stout (@charliestout) November 5, 2015

Inner monologue: WHEN IS THE BEAT GONNA DROP? https://t.co/Ec8MNui4Sr

— HuskerGuy (@thehuskerguy) November 5, 2015

Who does #RonnieDunn's plastic surgery? I wanna make sure I avoid them. #CMAawards

— Forrest Jenkins (@forrest_jenkins) November 5, 2015

This is a special moment for ALL of country music. What a talent. What a story. What a man. #CMAawards

— Jason Scott (@JasontheScott) November 5, 2015

Somewhere, Scott Borchetta is trying to figure out what size skinny jeans Chris Stapleton would wear. #CMAs

— Robert Groves (@FiveOLetsGo) November 5, 2015

My favorite celebrity Halloween costume was most certainly Sam Hunt as Wednesday Adams #CMAawards @Farcethemusic

— Tabitha Nicholson (@tabithanichol1) November 5, 2015

How many shallow morons are crying their eyes out right now because some beardy dude beat their beautiful idols?

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) November 5, 2015

Congrats @ChrisStapleton you are ruling so hard. Your Tennessee Whiskey duet with JT was bad ass too dude.

— Shooter Jennings (@ShooterJennings) November 5, 2015

I want to thank FGL for stopping by American Eagle to pick up their new outfits for tonight. #CMAawards

— Nikki Thomas (@NikkiThomas103) November 5, 2015

Luke Bryan wins the CMA for Bad Rapping Middle Aged White Guy of the Year. #CMAawards

— Saving Country Music (@The_Triggerman) November 5, 2015

The most revolutionary thing you can do in Nashville today is play country music. #ChrisStapleton

— Taylor Jones (@NashvilleNiner) November 5, 2015

I have never been as happy at a CMA awards show as I am now..sitting across the aisle from @ChrisStapleton and Morgane. Happy heart!

— Lee Ann Womack (@leeannwomack) November 5, 2015

Chris Stapleton and Justin Timberlake on the CMAs

We'll have our Twitter snark review (featuring your tweets) of last night's CMA Awards soon, but for now, here's the performance everyone was talking about... Chris Stapleton with Justin Timberlake, performing "Tennessee Whiskey" and "Drink You Away."

CMA Awards 2015 Drinking Game

Teflon Chris Stapleton

You're Not a Real Country Singer! Part 2!

What the hell? Let's do the next part today as well. Here are some more…

You're Not a Real Country Singer if…

Your music is played at the Electric Cowboy -Colby Cummings

Your newest single has “Akins, Gorley, Davidson” in the songwriting credits. -Chris Busto

you went to a Rascal Flatts concert and were inspired -@mattson_rainer

your cowboy boots are only ankle high.  I’m looking at you Luke Bryan. -@ChrisJohnson036

you wear joggers or jeggings. I’m looking at you @SamHuntMusic -@RCCampbell52

You don’t wear a cowboy hat because it would cover up your Macklemore-style hair-cut...
-J Christopher Smith

you have your own scented candle named after you -@tabithanichol1

Your wardrobe costs more than your guitar collection. -Sam Gazdziak

you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer.
-@AshleyAnnMusic

You haven’t put out a song that was later remixed with a washed up rapper. -Chris Jackson

you only recognize Waylon Jennings because he was on The Dukes of Hazzard. -John Band Deery

you’ve recorded a song with colt ford -@parker__manning

...Anal bleaching is on the to-do list. -Josh Gourley

 If you cant name the original members of the Highway men -Alana Y. James

If Your songs have EDM beats -Kevin Ross

There’s no twang besides a out of place banjo in your songs -Jordan Pancho Kirk

If you’re sponsored by Axe body spray and fireball. -Luke Langford

if your biggest influence is Fred Durst -Mada Drake

you rhyme “party” with “Bacardi.”  -@DarkKnight292

you spend an hour on Urban Dictionary for hip new phrases to include in your lyrics.
-@DHWritesCountry

Bobby Bones is your biggest promoter -Brandon Ferguson

if you don’t sing about momma, trains, prison or getting drunk. -@PJrenee72

If there’s no fiddle, steel or banjo backing you. -@alisonbonaguro

You don’t drink whisky because its not organic and free-trade. -J Christopher Smith

you namedrop Justin Timberlake in your songs. -@realcountryview

If your backstage rider requests include watermelon vape juice and
a crowbar to get you out of your jeans. -@GreenEyedLilo

three words: “feat. Jason Derulo” -@emperorcupcake2

Your name is Tyler Hubbard or Brian Kelley -Greg Sury

9 Pop Parody Covers