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Apr 12, 2019
LAFAYETTE, LA —Local mainstream country radio station 102.9 WBRO (“The Bro”) announced Thursday a new programming direction wherein its radio hosts would be instructed to select from a list of twelve different songs, up from the usual eleven—which was already 3 songs higher than the industry average.
“After much research, we’ve decided to add Maren Morris’ ‘Girl’ to the rotation. We know we’ll get some push-back here, but we believe the numbers make sense and also there was a company directive that forces us to add one woman to the playlist,” associate program director Jess Staten said in a statement Thursday.
“Of course, we’ll still be playing the other eleven songs over and over and over again—we just really wanted to stand out from the pack by adding one more to the rotation,” he noted. “But the staples like Thomas and Kane and Morgan and uh Morgan and that song where the guy says something kind of pervy about a girl… those will all remain.”
According to Staten, the move was part of a broader initiative to challenge what was possible in the mainstream country radio arena, and to inject a new level of variety into the station’s already adventurous eleven-song playlist.
“I hope this gets all the SJW’s and feminists off our backs” he added.
This story blatantly plagiarized and adapted from this Babylon Bee story.
Dec 13, 2018
Brothers Osborne - Port Saint Joe
You smoke dope and vote Democrat, but don't want your dad to find out.
Morgan Evans - Things That We Drink To
6ix9ine - Dummy Boy
You were fired from your job at Walgreens for having purple hair (but really it was for stealing pills).
Ghost - Prequelle
Your idea of a good time is reading about serial killers on Wikipedia. You dabbled in satanism in high school, but now are a Lutheran.
MTHRFCKR - Micro Crystals
You are too much of a hipster contrarian to admit this album doesn't actually exist.
Eric Church - Desperate Man
You love how Eric is such a renegade and so different from all those other bro-dudes on country radio, but your favorite song of his is "These Boots."
The Carters - Everything is Love
You will send me death threats if I say this album wasn't that good.
Eminem - Kamikaze
You are male, mid-thirties, single, and still argue with your parents over the rent for your room over the garage.
Sun Kil Moon - This is My Dinner
You are a military interrogator and this is your "favorite" only in that it is the most effective torture device to get enemy combatants to reveal information.
Greta Van Fleet - Anthem of the Peaceful Army
You are a forty-something dad who respects Led Zeppelin but doesn't really like them. Your ex-wife is still living pretty comfortably off the divorce settlement, but sells LulaRoe and essential oils on Facebook for extra cash.
Jason Aldean - Rearview Town
You didn't actually listen to the whole album, just the singles. You type things on Facebook like "Sam Hunt sucks… listen too real country like Jason Aldean an Old Dominion!"