Aug 31, 2022
Aug 29, 2022
Aug 25, 2022
When your uncle is giving away all his old country vinyl, but all he has left when you get there is Gary Morris
Trying to wave off the stink when
you get in line behind an Upchurch fan
When you had to review a Lady A album
How bad do you want to put Walker Hayes in a headlock?
Just a swangin'
Let me play you the best Kane Brown song
When she said your tractor's sexy so this is how you show up for every date
Showing up to the Billy Strings show when nobody's heard from you in a month
When Sue finally found his daddy
Aug 23, 2022
Aug 22, 2022
Aug 19, 2022
“It works like a charm,” laughed bassist Pete “Pal” Wasserstein. “We irritate the hell out of the fans with 20 minutes of Walker Hayes and Florida-Georgia Line before we come on stage, so that our admittedly ‘just okay’ musicianship and songs blow them away.”
“They were awesome!” said a fan walking out of King Planter’s recent Mobile show. “I don’t know what it was, but their sufficient musical abilities and reasonably passable songwriting just sounded on a whole new level tonight; I don’t know what it was!”
The four-piece update the “Lowered Expectations” Spotify playlist weekly, adding anything that’s the latest snap-beat sappy song hitting the country charts or the most annoying viral country-rap song on TikTok. This week they added David Morris’ “Carrying Your Love,” a rap song which features an interpolation of the similarly named George Strait hit.
“Oh God, they hate it!” laughed vocalist Jay Henderson. “But after that shit, I sound like Otis Redding or Chris Stapleton compared to that dude, when I’m really just a C- on a good night.”
King Planter, who list The Band and David Allan Coe as their primary influences, have failed to catch on in ‘the scene’ in three years of existence. According to the blog Bama Mericana, King Planter “look the part and check off all the requisite topics in their music, but the lyrics can be best described as reasonable and their playing is ehhh… fair to middling. No offense because it pays better than being in a band, but they’ll be hanging sheetrock in 9 months.”
All this might be so, but crowds are growing lately thanks to their unique modus operandi. “Word of mouth, baby!” said an excited Wasserstein, surveying the tens of fans in attendance at their Big Star Tavern show in Montgomery last night.
At press time, King Planter was about 8 months from disbanding.
Aug 18, 2022
When he says he's seen Florida-Georgia Line in concert one time
Why is Walker Hayes so cringe?
After years of comparing Luke Bryan to toilets and other gross stuff...
When he changes the station from Outlaw XM to The Highway
I don't care if the Zac Brown Band is putting out better music now, after The Owl...
Tell me an underrated Strait song then amble away
Tell me what Sam Hunt music sounds like
The greeting when a female artist does a radio station visit
If Morgan Wallen is playing at an outdoor festival
Aug 15, 2022
Aug 11, 2022
Did this back in 2013. Not an exact science and honestly just cherry picking for clickbait ...many of the best songs were written by 2-3 people, but who cares when you're deriding committee written dreck?
Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney walking into the jail cell for drunkenly riding a police horse
Me waiting on somebody to say "anything but country"
Country roads, take me home to the place I belooooo
If they drive a squatted truck blaring Morgan Wallen, how big is "it?"
A redneck's reply any time they see Dan + Shay mentioned online
Luke Bryan at 60 when somebody asks him how long he'll keep singing about college girls
When you're in prison and see Johnny Paycheck walk in
When the on hold music is Walker Hayes
When you're talking Ryan Bingham music with some ladies and they start saying some horni stuff about him