And now for something a little more worthy of space on the blog....

Movember!

Huh?? you ask....

Well, I'm plain lazy, so I'll just steal borrow the text from Drew Kennedy's website:

"I’ll keep the background history of this marvelous movement short– basically a few fellows in Australia created it as a way to raise awareness about prostate cancer. Just how is awareness raised, you ask? Well, it’s raised by sporting that classic of all facial hair styles, The ‘Stache.

They call them ‘Mo’s. I’m trying to get used to that. I’ve always gone with ’stache, but ’stache can’t easily be worked into the name of a month… but I digress.

So, Josh and I signed up, and trimmed away. The end result can be seen in the photo above. Movember doesn’t only raise awareness, but it also raises money for two charitable organizations: The Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.

We’ve committed to these ’staches (’Mo’s… ‘Mo’s… working on this….) for the entire month (and really, who wouldn’t? look at how SWEET it looks!!), and we hope that you’ll commit a little bit of cash to our quest to ’stache out prostate cancer one ‘mo at a time."

You can support this awesome effort by kicking in a little do'(nation) at Drew's page or Josh's page. Do it!

Not Surprised (Jason Aldean on iTunes)

Click for a closer view.

Jason Aldean's new single cover

(...if it's released as a single... and yeah, we're running this rap song thing into the ground. Deal.)

Lady Antebellum lyric parody

Wally World

(parody of Lady Antebellum's "Hello World")

Parking lot

Smells like crotch

Spot opens up in the front after I parked in the back

I see an obese man, parked in handicap

No sticker on his Chevrolet

His massive hands, steer a Hoveround, and he scowls at me

Hey Wally World

How you been?

Hate to see you, can't pretend

Sometimes I fear, walking into here

Chokin' back my sad and angry tears

This place is hell, Why do I do this to myself? Oh Wally World

Every time I choose the cleanest grocery cart

Its got one broken wheel, it squeals and pulls left real hard

Maybe I should step aside, say a prayer

But it's even more than God can bear

Oh I'm getting scared, I pray my life to spare

Well Wally World

How you been?

Hate to see you, can't pretend

I lose my smile on the center aisle

Wife just wants chips, have to walk a mile

This place is hell, Why do I do this to myself?

Oh Wally World

Lady forgets what the express lane's for, twenty or less, she's got 34

She needs a price check

On a five dollar dress

I blame my wife, that I may spend my life in Wally World

Wally World

Cutting prices everyday

But with your soul you will pay

The light stops flashing green

I fall down on my knees

In Wally World, Wally World, Wally World

.99 Reviews: Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist's .99 Review

Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem

Trailer asked me to take over one of his usual duties for this particular review. He shows a lack of commitment if you ask me, and this is a hallmark of indolence. On to the review...

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The Sinners' Takes

BG (3 Stars)

by Tabor Lee

hahahahahaha is that jason aldean's sorry cover for dirt road anthem? wow, not a bad album, but jason aldean just caint sing brantley gilbert or colt ford's songs. go ahead and steal someone else's songs.

Disappointed (2 Stars)

by Sarah Schroeder

The rest of (Aldean's new album) might be great but I really can't get past the fact that "My Kinda Party" and "Dirt Road Anthem" are not Jason Aldean's songs, they are originally sung by Brantley Gilbert, and much better I might add...

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My Testimony

This may be one of the most sinful songs I have yet reviewed for this "blog," (that's saying a lot since a previous song put me in the hospital for a weekend's stay - thank you for the cards and flowers!) and the fact that Mr. Aldean has, according to iTunes reviewers, actually stolen this song from a lesser known singer makes it all the more egregious. Really Jason? Haven't your other musical interpretations put enough of the root of all evil in your Wrangler pockets?? Are the countertops in your mansion not granite-y enough? Are your Viking appliances not applying to your satisfaction?

Aldean's greed and peculation aside, this song presents the listener with some iniquitous habits, literally and spiritually. The song opens with a chorus that teaches impressionable young country fans that drinking and smoking (while driving!!!) is an acceptable practice. Also, he makes reference to that wicked sinner George Jones, holding him up as some sort of miscreant role model.

As I know country music, gospel and bluegrass to be the only acceptable forms of musical expression in the eyes of the Lord, the verses of this "anthem" truly turn from the will of Holiness. Jason invokes the vilest trash of "music," by rapping the lines. I felt the slow turn of Satan's gaze upon my neck as Aldean "dropped some knowledge" on me about more devious doings in the late night hours of the rural south.

Jim, Jack, Marlboro, fornication, fighting, hell-raising... Aldean hits every country bullet-point on Hell's introductory brochure. But "I ain't hearin' that yo," and neither is God. I believe this country has lost its way and that this is another knock against the Father and that he soon may remove his hand of protection.

I feel certain this album cut from Aldean's new album will find its way to radio before long, as just another step in the Liberal Media's plot to pull the roots of country music and the good zealous country fans of the red states. I only pray that you are all prepared for the Judgment that will surely follow. When I hear the beat of this song, I hear the distant hoofbeats of four fearsome steeds.

Total Value: .00/.99

Country Face Swaps: Keith and Nicole

Ew.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

FWC&G: Loretta Lynn

Top Ten Shortest Books by Country Artists

10. Original Thoughts - by Kenny Chesney

09. Country Healthy: Our Favorite Lo-Cal Recipes - by Garth and Trisha

08. Can't Get Blood from a Turnip: The Prudent Choices of Curb Records

07. Clean Shot: On Hunting and Fair Gamesmanship - by Troy Gentry

06. Hank to Hank: Good Advice Passed Down - by Hank Jr. and Hank III

05. Bad Decisions I Never Made - by Mindy McCready

04. Songs I Didn't Sing Harmony On - by Vince Gill with Emmylou Harris

03. Holler Back: Our Country Career - by The Lost Trailers

02. A Father's Love - by Doug Stone

01. My Favorite Interviews - by George Strait

YouTube Gems: Wilburn Brothers

Nothing better than a good ol' murder ballad for Halloween.

Great Sugarland article

You really need to read this article about Sugarland's new album, from my like-minded Saving Country Music compadres.

Excerpt:

"This is the bottom of the slippery slope, the payoff for years of desensitization and subtle creeping toward pure pop and arena rock where no more tributes to the traditions of country are necessary."

YouTube Gems: White Zombie

Happy Halloween!

YouTube Gems: Monster Magnet

I've been rocking to Monster Magnet's new album Mastermind this week. Here's a flash from the past - their glammed out video to their 90's hit "Space Lord."

Random Creepy Parody Covers

Random Doppelganger

This isn't particularly music related other than John Douche Rich being in this photo with Gary Busey and Lil Jon (photo from their Celebrity Apprentice appearance). But wow, isn't Gary looking like financial advisor/host/author Suze Orman these days?

Country Trick or Treating

What can your little ghoul or goblin expect to receive in their plastic jack-o-lantern if you drop by the homes of country stars this upcoming Halloween? Well, FTM has the scoop!

Best of 2010 So Far: 5/6 Report

Well, here we are reaching the home stretch, and here's my updated list of my favorite albums of the year. Just a reminder, my #2 came out Tuesday and is available here, here ($5.99!) and here. Buy it! Oh yeah, as always, feel free to suggest albums I may have missed!

1. Jamey Johnson - The Guitar Song

2. Two Cow Garage - Sweet Saint Me

3. Austin Collins - Wrong Control

4. Big Boi - Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty

5. Joe Pug - Messenger

6. Trampled by Turtles - Palomino

7. Kasey Anderson - Nowhere Nights

8. Rodney Hayden - Tavern of Poets

9. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings - I Learned the Hard Way

10. Paul Thorn - Pimps and Preachers

The rest:

Truth & Salvage Co. - s/t

Dirty Sweet - American Spiritual

The Black Crowes - Croweology

Band of Horses - Infinite Arms

Drive-by Truckers - The Big To-Do

The Dillinger Escape Plan - Option Paralysis

Randy Houser - They Call Me Cadillac

Sean McConnell - Saints, Thieves & Liars

Hellbound Glory - Old Highs and New Lows

Reckless Kelly - Somewhere in Time

Lissie - Catching a Tiger

The Dirty Guv'nahs - Youth is in Our Blood

Zac Brown Band - You Get What You Give

Randy Rogers Band - Burning the Day

The Roots - How I Got Over

High on Fire - Snakes for the Divine

John Moreland and the Black Gold Band - Things I Can't Control

Great American Taxi - Reckless Habits

The Fox Hunt - Long Way to Go

Surfer Blood - Astro Coast

Old 97's - The Grand Theatre Volume 1

Delta Spirit - History From Below

The Moondoggies - Tidelands

Songs Illustrated #37

Top 10 Ways to Complete this Analogy: Sugarland is to Country as...

10. ...this blog is to unbiased, well-researched music journalism

09. Jay Leno is to comedy genius

08. Invading a country is to world peace

07. Ole Miss is to BCS championship-caliber NCAA football

06. Unprotected sex with Paris Hilton is to good health

05. Kellie Pickler is to MENSA

04. Kid Rock is to hygiene

03. Blake Shelton is to sobriety

02. Brett Favre is to well-endowed non-interception throwing quarterbacks

01. Kristian Bush is to humility

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews II

Billy Currington - Pretty Good at Drinking Beer

Before I begin, I ask the Lord's forgiveness that I even allowed my ears to be party to this deplorable work of soul-staining music. And now, two Proverbs from the very same chapter (20) 1.Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler and whosoever erreth thereby is not wise; 4. The sluggard will not plow by reason of the Winter. What these verses are telling us is that Billy Currington is on a steady and straight path into the infinite tormenting fires of Hell, my friends. In this song, he tells us that he is not only lazy and useless, but that the only skill he possesses is drinking beer. Friend, a dog can drink beer, and where are dogs going? Hell, for they know not the Lord! And sloth, why that's one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I tell you now that the lifestyle espoused in this song can only lead to marital strife, unemployment, alcohol abuse, estrangement of friends (except for Satan himself) and eternal damnation. Jesus, I ask you to remove these demons from Billy. He is still Your child, but he has gone astray. Listeners of this song need to fall upon their face and tearfully beg that they might be spared everlasting separation from the Father. Amen.

F

Reba McEntire - Fancy

Mr. Turnage, my daddy, asked me to write down a few lines about this song because he is currently on his way to the local medical center because he was having chest pains after hearing this "Fancy." He said that he prays he does not pass from this mortal coil directly after hearing this perverse song because he fears his salvation may not weigh in the balance against such a wretched work. He says it is a celebration of materialism and prostitution, whatever that means. If my daddy dies, I will hunt you Reba. Daddy might be above fury and retribution, but I ain't, bitch! (I hope he don't read this!) Oh yeah, he says this song is a big fat F. Amen.