Jun 30, 2016

Singer Reveals the Story Behind Smash Hit "Down on a Backroad"

Chance Reynolds, singer of current Billboard Country #1 hit "Down on a Backroad" isn't just a hunky new star, he's also a surprisingly insightful country poet. He sat down with us to tell how his debut smash came to be. We'll let Chance take it from here.

"Well, me and my co-writers, Anthony Gorley, David Dallason, Corby Luke, Chad Chaddington, Ian Whitey, Cawl Caishin,  Ben Hayseed, Rolf Bronzeman, and Chris DeBro, were sitting around in our writing office suite, just chillin'. Everybody but me was talking about stock options and which Tesla car they were thinking of buying.

I'm just starting out so I just have 500 bucks and an old Ford Ranger, so all this stuff is above my head, so I just sat there quiet and took a drink every time they passed the Ole Smoky® Harley Davidson® Road House Customs™ Moonshine.

After about an hour of them discussing their granite countertops and waiting lists for private schools, Corby finally said we should start writing a song. David wanted to do something about sex in a feed shed. Rolf wanted to do a party song about Pitbull going mudding. Nobody really liked that idea.

"Y'all like money?" asked Cawl. We all nodded. "Let's just go simple then. Chilling with your girl…. down on a backroad."

"That's f**king lit!" yelled Dallason, and we all agreed.

All of them wrote the song together because I'm new and don't know what the hell is going on other than how to super-set my squats and keep a five o'clock shadow going indefinitely. When they were through, I came up with the idea to add the bridge about oral sex, so like, it's real cool and has a double meaning… she's going "down" on a backroad. Get it? Get it? (laughs creepily) Anyhow, that's how I got my name on the songwriting credits.

The record company dug it and I could hit all the notes without much auto-tuning, so it was a go and that's the story."


It's incredible to get an eagle's eye view of the hard work and talent that goes into a modern country hit! Thanks to Chance for the peek behind the custom black apricot doors of the writing room!

At press time Chance was readying his second single, "2 Chainz and Jesus," for release.

FGL + BSB = POOP

Jun 29, 2016

Margo Price Performs "Hands of Time" on Under the Apple Tree Sessions


Introducing: Another Pop Dude Singing a Pop Song on Country Radio


John Rich's Songwriting Tips #78


It's hard to stay on the cusp of what's lit (that means 'cool,' for you old jackasses) from day to day in this social media age. Everything moves faster than yayo on Jason Aldean's bus. So how do you keep up with the times when writing songs for country radio? You gotta keep your finger on the pulse, baby. Google what was popular on pop radio 8 months ago. That'll tell you what the next trend for Dustin Lynch, Chris Lane, and all those directionless dudes will be. EDM? Been there. Sexy-time R&B? Done that. Right now, it's straight up dance music that's moving the needle. Has anyone actually had a hit with a country pop dance song yet? Not really. Don't matter, bitches. If that's what the culture at large is tired of, then that's what country radio has to provide. How else are dropout white boys with $60K trucks and their hair stylist intern girlfriends going to feel cool driving to their parole meetings? Don't get caught with your pecker in your hand. Stay current. Try Twitter. Watch the trending topics. Get on the Snapchat and read some stories in between the wiener and boob pics. You'll learn while you're being entertained. I'm currently working on some songs for the next trend… "Woke" country. Don't matter if you're a right winger like me, you'll be bobbing your head to some BLM and SJW socially aware hip-hop country in a few months. Doesn't matter if your heart's in it; think with your wallet. It's all about those greenbacks, son. Evolve or die, fam.


*not actually written by John Rich

Dustin Lynch Breaks the Hypocrisy Meter


Jun 28, 2016

The Avett Brothers Perform on Fallon

From their okay new album True Sadness.


A Spelling Lesson for Blake Shelton


If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Summer Classics


FTM ponders what these classic summer hits would have sounded like 
if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...
 
 
 
The Lovin' Spoonful - Summer in the City
 
Don't care bout summer in the city
Spent my whole check on Bud Light and a Yeti
Leave town, cranking up some Diddy
Ain't it sweet to have a girl who's drunk and pretty
 

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - Summertime
 
And think of the summers chasing ass
Connect the Bluetooth and let the Beats™ Pill blast
Or plug my aux cord and let G-Eazy rhyme and put your truck
In mud, get a dip, 'cause this is summertime


Bananarama - Cruel Summer
 
Hot country beats
On the gravel we're swerving
Are you down?
Trying to score but
The beer got me wanting to fight
Dwight Yoakam is playing
(Wait, who is that?)
Nah, play some Gucci Mane
Getting loose in the country
This heat got her
Right out her jeans

It's a lit (lit) lit summer
Let's shoot some nudes on my phone
It's a lit (lit) lit summer
Get it on
 
 
Don Henley - Boys of Summer

Down on the farm today, I saw a deadmau5 sticker on a Chevrolet


I can see you-
Your tan lines glowin' in the sun
You got that ass dropped down and those blue Costas on, baby
And I can tell you I'll keep your number in my phone
After the bros of summer have gone

LFO - Summer Girls
(no changes)

Luke, Sam, BG, FGL, Jason, or Blake?


Another option:

Jun 27, 2016

Mike & The Moonpies Perform on Texas Music Scene

Burnin' It Down


Why Luke Bryan is a Bad Influence

An investigative visual report by Larry Lee Turnage



Today I want to present to you some visual evidence that this Luke Bryan fella is 
not all that he appears to be. He is presented as a wholesome, Gomer Pyle-of-country-music sort, 
but I am here to tell you and show you that he is a wolf in sheep's skin. 
His music is a gateway unto the very halls of Hades.

 ------------------------

 First of all, let's take a look at his song content. This tune entitled "Strip It Down" promotes promiscuity and vulgarity and probably ritualistic orgies. This is just dirty:


Next, we explore Luther's sinful habits. This man is well known to partake of alcoholic beverages
on stage during concerts, in full view of minors and Christians. Just look at this depravity.


 This drunkenness even extends into his daily life. It is shameful, dangerous, and vile.


The body is a temple, thus saith the Lord. If you think this man who has already defiled 
his body with fermented mind-altering substances would stop there, you are sorely mistaken. 
He has marked his body for eternity. Even the fires of Hell will not remove the stain.


 Remember those abhorrent sexual lyrics above? Well, Mr. Bryan goes beyond singing 
about coitus in his music; he performs symbolic perverse sexual positions on stage 
during his concerts, in full view of minors and Christians.


 Again, this perversion extends beyond his public persona. Will this man stop 
at nothing to tick off every disgusting act on his Satanic bucket list?


Strong drink is a brawler and we know Luke Bryan likes the strong drink.
Here, he assaults the hip-hop band Florida-Georgia Line in an elevator.


I also believe Luke Bryan to be involved in gang activities. These may include gun running, terrorism, prostitution, gang-banging, rap battles, and "Netflix and chilling."


When someone behaves as poorly as Luther, he becomes a stumbling block to his friends, 
family, and followers. Bryan's depravity has influenced his fans to become violent and aggressive.


The final proof is as shocking as all the rest combined. Luke Bryan is a worshipper of the 
dark lord Satan himself. This is not my opinion. He is proud of this. See it with your own eyes:



In summary, do not listen to Luke Bryan's music. What little of it passes as country music just grooms his young impressionable fans to get into his further diversions, such as drinking, intercourse, Satan Worship, and rap music. Run far from this man and his devious intentions.

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean




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