Feb 21, 2013
Little Known Facts: Feb. '13
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Re-entry to a Brantley Gilbert concert is only allowed if you've had your lower back stamped.
When traveling to Scotty McCreery's house you must travel over a bridge,
but only after correctly answering Scotty's riddle.
Joe Diffie has spent all of his career earnings attempting to build a time machine
to prevent himself from starting the truck song craze.
Your mom likes that one Luke Bryan song.
The band Fifth On The Floor was first discovered when Shooter Jennings
climbed a bean stalk that led to the home of lead singer Justin Wells.
If golf celebrated mediocrity as much as country radio, Colt Ford would still be a golfer.
Everything on Justin Moore's tourbus is miniaturized for his ease of use.
eBay item #170992608018 is for the rights to roll Willie Nelson up and smoke him when he dies.
Jason Aldean DOES NOT have herpes. Word on the street however is that he has a few sores
that pop up once a month on his genitalia but he DOES NOT have herpes.
Long brown hooded robes and torches are required work apparel at
Big Machine Records except on Satanic Fridays.
1990's country star Ty Herndon now lives in a monastery in the Swiss Alps.
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*Most of this, including the shot of Justin Wells and Shooter Jennings, by Jeremy Harris.
Feb 20, 2013
Brad Paisley Lyric Parody: Pseudo Country Zone
Pseudo Country Zone
(Parody of Brad Paisley's "Southern Comfort Zone")
When your wheelhouse is the sound of Aldean,
The first time you leave it can be weird, but you're appalling
Not everybody drinks and drives, not everybody is a tool
Not every girl wears cut offs, on dates and job interviews
Not everybody likes to pose or dance around on CMT
Not everybody has to list country things to prove they're country
Oh, douchey man,
You won't understand
When I miss Merle singin' me back home
And I'm tired of pickup truck songs
I will lose IQ points till I go
Outside the pseudo country zone
I have heard the songs of Snow; Jr. ain't the only "Hank"
I don't think a country song should make my speakers crank
I have seen Keith Whitley play at a southern rodeo
He didn't mention pasture fights or bust out a hip-hop flow
I really don't like to see somebody take a pee,
All over the things I cherish like art and honesty
And I miss Merle singin' me back home
And I'm tired of pickup truck songs
I will lose IQ points till I go
Outside the pseudo country zone
I hate your tight jeans and your shakin'
Guitars jamming, disco lights
You're so well-trained at fakin'
Unscuffed Justins, teeth pearly white
I have since become a wanderer
Cause I'm sick of all that crap
Sometimes to find a real treasure
You have to leave the beaten path
Clearchannel's playin' a dick again
And I miss Merle singin' me back home
And I'm tired of pickup truck songs
I will lose IQ points till I go
Outside the pseudo country zone
Feb 19, 2013
Jimbo Mathus' New Video "White Buffalo"
From his awesome new album White Buffalo, which I hope to review one of these days, here's Jimbo Mathus with the trippy new video for the title track. FTM pal Robert Earl Reed worked on the editing!
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Corb Lund - Bible on the Dash
(listen at this link)
This song is about using the Holy Word as a smoke screen to throw cops off the trail of any illicit behavior by sinful musicians touring the south. I am so turned off by this vulgar premise, I can hardly listen to the song.
I assume Mr. Lund and Mr. Carll were partaking of the devil's vine and suckling at the devil's teat before proceeding on their hell-ride from town to town, proselytizing to the trucker cap and pearl-snap shirt wearing masses. Being the enlightened liberal sort, they assumed it was okay for them to disregard some local trivialities such as red lights and speed limits. Being from the' open-minded' great white north and the self-important state of Texas, these two are already high on themselves, so it must have made for quite the ego trip.
When the yocal sheriff or deputy dared to approach their sin-chariot, one of these two jackwads made sure to slap a stolen Gideon Bible on the dash like some handicap placard in a Walmart parking lot. For shame. The Word is not a shield for iniquities. It is a sword against the same.
I feel bad for these enforcement officers, unwise to the worldliness of these jaded Americana purveyors. I feel worse for the souls of Carll and Lund. Each time they performed this ruse, ol' Satan himself turned up the temperature of their future holding cells a few degrees, laughing through his fearsome teeth all the while.
If I hear of either of these vile artists putting on a show in my state (probably in the wretched sin-den of Oxford), I will alert local authorities to their scam. Perhaps you should overlook the cheap, unruffled pages of the Holy tome and use the good sense the Lord gave you. If it smells like the mary jane, and drives like an idiot on COPS and bears the reddened eyes of a pot junky, perhaps this is not the touring van of a Christian artist. No sir, these fellows are spreading evil and should be brought to justice.
"Bible on the Dash" is not so much a song as it is encouragement for other wayward singers to use the same dastardly fraud to get away with their crimes against decency and God. Corb and Hayes, fall upon your knees and beg Him to set your path toward righteousness.
F
Feb 18, 2013
Alabama Shakes - Always Alright
Alabama Shakes played on SNL this past Saturday, and was one of the only highlights..particularly when they performed this song that was not a part of their 2012 debut (it was a part of the Silver Linings Playbook soundtrack). Now, the band is offering "Always Alright" for free here! Better hurry.
Feb 17, 2013
Feb 16, 2013
Feb 15, 2013
YouTube Gems: Steve Earle - FTM's Original Spark?
From the album of the same name, here's Steve Earle with "Transcendental Blues." Though I was a fan of some less commercial artists like Son Volt and The Jayhawks before this album came out, I credit this song and album for once and for all opening my ears to the genius that lies outside the mainstream. Thanks, Steve.
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