Oh No, Another One

 

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Hayes Carll, King of the Hill

 

Unhinged Garth Brooks Photo of the Week

A Review of FGL's New Album

Big Loud Records Signs New Artist Wally Cole Morgan

At a press conference on Thursday, Nashville’s Big Loud Records introduced their newest artist signing, Wally Cole Morgan. The young singer out of La Follette, TN, smiled for cameras and label chief Seth England did the presentation.

“We’re proud to show off our newest money-maker, errr, artist, Mr. Wally Cole Morgan!” said England. “I know times are weird, especially for us, but we think Wally is going to more than make up for our recent losses.” England was referring to the suspension of cash-cow Morgan Wallen after video surfaced of Wallen using the “n-word” after a drunken night with friends. 

Morgan bears a strong resemblance to Wallen - uncanny in fact - but Stacy Blythe, vice-president of promotion, assured us that any similarities were borne of our own narrow mindedness. “Morgan comes to us a fully formed original, and he’s ready to record and tour and rake in the dough, uh… I mean, rake in the fans!” she smiled. “In fact, he’s already got a record in the can.” 

The album, entitled Also Dangerous, is due March 19th with a single “11 Summers” being released next Friday. Big Loud played us some snippets of the songs, and again, Wally sounded a great deal like Morgan Wallen. One might even suspect these songs were the outtakes from Wallen’s Dangerous double album. 

Blyth reiterated that our own biases were shining through and that Morgan’s music was entirely unique and in no way just tracks that were deemed too weak for Wallen’s album. “Sure Wally has a mullet - who doesn’t?” she laughed. “But you’ll see that he has green eyes and a mustache! Clearly not the same guy.”

At press time, Big Loud had just sent out an email blast saying that Morgan Wallen was still suspended and taking some time “walking in someone else’s shoes.”

Dirty Conway Twitty Valentines

What's an FGL Box?

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs 47

When somebody talks shit about country music, and then says "even old country"

Oh, you think Turnpike is overrated?

When your friend says they're bringing over some Emmylou records

When somebody keeps requesting "Country Girl (Shake it for Me)"

Hey, you supposed "country artists" like Dan + Shay and Dustin Lynch:

I’m a liberal because I don’t think country singers should say the n-word?

If you go to a Morgan Wallen protest, you're a

When Kenny Chesney goes a little too far with "The Good Stuff"

The Most Annoying Sound

Morgan Wallen Protest Signs

 I don't know if this is real, but in case it is, here are some signs that may be seen there.

*this is not anti-conservatives - you know we poke fun at everybody - this is anti-Morgan Wallen protest*

Morgan vs Morgan vs Morgan

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Kane Brown’s “Worship You”

I’m only a part-time talent here at Farce the Music now, and I wish I hadn’t returned for this particular song, but it does present a topic I haven’t covered before. Usually it’s just dudes with weird facial hair lusting after the women with their feet on their dash while drinking a cold beer on a dirt road, so at least this is a different sin for me to rail against.

Obviously the title spun me for a loop to begin with. I hoped this was the rare religious song that becomes a country hit. It was not to be, for this worldly song is about worshipping a lover. For shame, my brothers and sisters! 1st Corinthians 10:14 says to flee from idolatry! In other words, be ye not a “Stan” of any human beings… neither famous, nor your girlfriend who works at the nail salon and drives a Hyundai. Flee from this misleading musical creation! Mr. Brown has become a stumbling block for millions of easily influenced minors and their wine-sipping moms. 

Just behold these unseemly lyrics:

Don't get me wrong

I'm a God-fearing Christian man

But if you were a religion, then damn

I don't know what I'd do

Yeah, I might have to worship you

The Lord will forsake those who forsake Him, and it sounds as if Kane has chosen to worship boobies and hoo-hoo instead of our Father who art in Heaven. This is so dangerous, my children. Obsessing over a person can lead to mental issues, the Herpes, and rugrats out of wedlock. God isn’t being greedy about your attention - He knows what can happen to your peener. 

Romans 1:23 talks of those who have exchanged the glory of the almighty Lord for images resembling mortal man and birds and creeping things. Some creepy things too. Turn your cheek from this nonsense! 

On a human level, it’s gross to worship something that burps, drives badly (not saying all women do - just my wife), and makes me eat cauliflower pizza. I wouldn’t want anybody worshipping me either. And nobody would, I assure you. I have a minor speech impediment, I don’t put the toilet seat down, and I root for the New York Jets. Lord forgive me!

Also, it’s just pathetic. Some of Kane’s friends should make fun of him on their text group. My buddies back at seminary did when I was hung up on the girl I dated before my wife. They called me p-whipped (the p standing for “petting;” we were generally wholesome with our language, though this term may have displeased the Lord a bit). Anyway, their constant ‘trash talking’ broke me out of my spell. Bless their hearts!  (In the good way)

I don’t like the sound or the vocals of this song either, so it is unfortunate on every level. I pray for Mr. Brown’s soul, and I say to thee: listen not!

F

7 New Kris Kristofferson Parody Album Covers

More More Monday Memes: Tyler Childers, Kane Brown, Clint Black

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Monday Morning Memes: Doug Stone, Morgan Wallen, Florida-Georgia Line