Country Day October '10

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Country Day October - Parody album covers featuring Randy Houser, The Dixie Chicks, Steve Azar, Blake Shelton and 16 more!

YouTube Gems: Jamey Johnson

Here's Jamey's new video for "Playing the Part." (which is quite honestly kinda stupid, but it's good for a laugh or two)

YouTube Gems: Josh Grider Trio

5 Extremely Random Parody Album Covers

Songs Illustrated #36

___ Deserves a Sackpunch #11

Texas Music/Red Dirt Lemming

You know who you are. The guy in the Jerry Jeff t-shirt and the Southern Thread cap with a Shiner in your hand and a "whooo" on your lips. Yeah, you, the one with an inordinate amount of cockiness and hair.

You were born with one reason for feelings of superiority; your birth certificate says Temple, TX 1982. I won't begrudge you state pride. Texas is pretty cool: Willie is from there, you used to be a freakin' country, you can have temps in the upper 90's and snow in the state at the same time, you kill lots of baddies... if I was born there, I'd tout it like a mofo myself. I think my state (Mississippi) kicks ass, despite 93.5% of the country seeing us as a punch line to some joke about uneducated racist rednecks.

You also have a right to think that your music scene is awesome. It is. How many other music scenes exist in their own regional bubble yet still have radio stations that play only that style, have their own festivals, have their own culture, and support their artists to the degree that many have grown flat-out wealthy off of it? None others, that's how many.

Badass as they are, these two facts have clouded your vision. You see your favorite music as the be all end all and all others can GTFO. Nashville is fake. The worst Texas singer has more talent than the best from the middle of Tennessee. Nashville only cares about cash. Nashville sucks! In your mind, that's a Biblical fact. Well, here's some heresy for you: If it is gospel that Nashville sucks, then so does Texas!

Nashville copies success. So does Texas. How many Randy Rogers Band clones you got saddling up and riding the range out yonder? A lot, that's how many.

Nashville plays it safe. So does Texas. How many in the "scene" are willing to eschew beer, honeys and Texas as base material for songs? Not many.

Nashville leans pop. So does Texas (though to a lesser degree admittedly). Who are the biggest bands and singers? Stone country outfits like Wayne Hancock and Lucky Tubb? Nah, more mainstream sounding folks like Reckless Kelly and CCR. Sure they're great at what they do (did, in CCR's case), but they're also very accessible.

Nashville doesn't celebrate its more cerebral and artistically genuine artists. Neither does Texas. Otherwise, the Rodney Haydens, Josh Griders, Slaid Cleaveses and Jason Eadys would rule the roost. They're popular, but vastly underappreciated.

Nashville prefers image over substance. So does Texas. You got many physically unattractive stars out there? Didn't think so.

I could go on about your similarities to VietNashville, but you get the point don't you? The biggest difference is the geography.

Now don't get me wrong. Texas has still got most things over Nashville. You've got passion, grassroots connection to the musicians, a preference for artists who can actually play and sing, and a general reverence for the legends who came before. For that, you are to be applauded.

Just don't go thinking you're perfect. Check Rita's blog every day for evidence to the contrary. Clearly, you have more strengths than mainstream country, but you also have the same weaknesses. Besides, Pat Green fled the Texas scene, so how good can it be? ;)

And for those of you who disagree and still think the Lone Star State's "Texas music/Red Dirt" singers and bands can do no wrong, get your nuts ready for a haymaker... now you'll be walking bowlegged for a reason.

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Easton Corbin

Top 10 House Rules for Winners of "Party at Mt. Richmore" Contest

CMT is running a contest where the prize is an all-night party at John Rich's Mt. Richmore. FTM got aholt' of some of the rules for the winner.

10. No cameras, recording devices, weapons or Democrats

09. Must present proof of legal residency and gun ownership

08. Homosexuals are welcome

....to work on the catering staff

07. Don't do anything you don't think Johnny Cash would do

06. Males are required to present I.D. for age verification; females, not so much...

05. Thou shalt not take the name of McCain in vain

04. Only attendees with a blood alcohol level less than .12 may drive home afterwards

03. Please leave Gretchen a nice tip. She's not tending bar for her health.

02. Must sign a health, confidentiality, damages, and sexually transmitted diseases waiver

01. Do not feed Sebastian Bach after midnight

YouTube Junk: Rascal Flatts

I'm sorry for posting this.

YouTube Gems: Bleu Edmondson

Here's Bleu Edmondson with "No Room for Mercy" (which I reviewed for American Twang here this week) from his upcoming album The Future Ain't What It Used to Be.

Cover of Tim McGraw's 4th Greatest Hits Album Cover Revealed

Click here for an interesting read.

Gretchen Wilson Parody

"Who??" you might ask. Well, Gretchen Wilson was once one of the hottest rising stars in country music, with her smash hit "Redneck Woman." Since the release of that song and subsequent clones, Wilson has since gone into witness protection... I think. Anyway, here's a lyric parody of her semi-hit with Merle Haggard, "Politically Uncorrect."

Intelligently Uncorrect

I'm for the low man on the classroom roll
And I'm for the Junkyard Dog and dips of Skoal
And I'm for selling plasma to pay the rent
And I'm for getting drunk at the gravel pit
I'm for taquitos with hot nacho cheese
And I'm for scratchin' where and whenever I please
And I'm for skin movies on Cinemax
And blue jeans so low they show my crack

Chorus:
And I'm for a bottle of Colt 45
And I'm for the ditchweed, love gettin' high
I'm just one of the losers
Who can't get no respect
Intelligently uncorrect

I guess people don't much like my lifestyle
Aw, but don't be hatin' 'cause I get buckwild
Cause I'm gonna fight for my rights, by damn
The U.S. Constipation says this is a free land

Repeat Chorus

And I'm for a tallboy of good Natty Ice
And I'm for the oxy, love gettin' high
I'm just one of the losers
Who can't buy no respect
Intelligently uncorrect

Nothing wrong with a bottle of Colt 45
Nothing wrong with Aunt Mary, and gettin' real high
I'm just some of many who don't get no respect
Intelligently uncorrect
Intelligently uncorrect

Songs Illustrated #35

Click for a closer view.

Canadian Country Day

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Canadian Country Day - parody album covers featuring Shania Twain, Gord Bamford, Paul Brandt, The Wilkinsons, Terri Clark and many more.

Songs Illustrated #34

A Closer Look: Taylor Swift

I was looking back on some older photos of Taylor Swift for parody potential when I noticed this shocking detail. This screen capture from her CSI appearance, and my subsequent enhancement and clarification of the photo (I gots skills) reveal something shocking.

Top 10 Benefits of "Next-Gen" Country Stations

American Twang recently reported on a new country station in St. Louis, MO playing a "Next-Gen" country format. Supposedly they're not playing such "old" stalwarts as George Strait and Reba and sticking to artists south of 50 during prime hours. While that sounds a like one of the final signs of the coming Apocalypse to FTM, we can actually see a few positives to this next gen approach (note: a couple of these actually are good things).

10. Opportunity to understand the genius of Uncle Kracker on a deeper level

09. Don't have to hear George Strait's new song "The Breath You Take"

08. No pesky emotions or originality to deal with

07. Easier to remember the 12 songs they play

06. You'll be able to relate to your kids' autotune-riddled music. Thanks Tim! (or is he too old for Next Gen?)

05. Don't have to hear the "character" (cracks, straining to reach high notes they used to hit with ease) in voices of decrepit singers

04. Brad Paisley will finally get his due as the elder statesman of country music

03. You'll always know what beer or truck brand is the most popular!

02. Recurrent Taylor Swift will desensitize your ears to high-pitched noises

01. Don't have to hear Reba's new song "Turn on the Radio"

YouTube Gems: Cee-Lo covers Band of Horses

From his forthcoming album Lady Killer, here's a (PG-13 NSFW) video for Cee-Lo Green's cover of Band of Horses' "No One's Gonna Love You." Pretty cool!

YouTube Gems: Delta Spirit

From their 2010 album History From Below, here's rootsy indie-rock band Delta Spirit with "Devil Knows You're Dead."

New Keith Urban album cover!

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Fan Overlap?

This Party in the Country Rocks (a satire lyric)

This Party in the Country Rocks

Field full of rednecks, check

Girls in cut offs, yep

A big ol' bonfire... what you expect?

Oh, we're way out

on the rural route

Predictably raisin' heck!!

Chorus

This party in the country rocks

Raise up your cups and shout it

You know this party in the country rocks

Because I'm singing about it

Got Coke in our whiskey, man

Got ladies with full body tans

Muddy pickups that cost thirty grand

Don't tell your maw

And here's a yeehaw

Let's build a cliche out of cans

This party in the country rocks

Turn up Bocephus louder

This party in the country rocks

Because I'm singing about it

Bridge

It's like every party you've been to, except cooler, ya know

Cause I'm sponsored by Bud and I'm on your radio

This party in the country rocks

Raise up your cups and shout it

This party in the country rocks

Kick your ass if you doubt it

This party in the country rocks

Because I'm singing about it

Yes I am

©2010 Corey Parkman

Songs Illustrated #33

Out Tuesday: New Toby Keith!

Best of 2010 So Far: The 3/4 Report

Top 30 Albums of 2010 as of October 3

01. Jamey Johnson - The Guitar Song

02. Trampled by Turtles - Palomino

03. Austin Collins - Wrong Control

04. Big Boi - Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty

05. Joe Pug - Messenger

06. Kasey Anderson - Nowhere Nights

07. Two Cow Garage - Sweet Saint Me (likely moving up soon)

08. Truth & Salvage Co. - s/t

09. Rodney Hayden - Tavern of Poets

10. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings - I Learned the Hard Way

11. Dirty Sweet - American Spiritual

12. Paul Thorn - Pimps and Preachers

13. The Black Crowes - Croweology

14. Band of Horses - Infinite Arms

15. Drive-by Truckers - The Big To-Do

16. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Option Paralysis

17. Sean McConnell - Saints, Thieves & Liars

18. Hellbound Glory - Old Highs and New Lows

19. The Roots - How I Got Over

20. Reckless Kelly - Somewhere in Time

21. Lissie - Catching a Tiger

22. Zac Brown Band - You Get What You Give

23. The Dirty Guv'nahs - Youth is in Our Blood

24. Randy Rogers Band - Burning the Day

25. High on Fire - Snakes for the Divine

26. John Moreland and the Black Gold Band - Things I Can't Control

27. Great American Taxi - Reckless Habits

28. The Fox Hunt - Long Way to Go

29. Delta Spirit - History From Below

30. Against Me! - White Crosses

Top 10 Things You Can Expect To Hear On Country Radio This Fall

10. Weight loss/debt consolidation commercials

09. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

08. More dudes with facial hair than you can shake a Bic razor at

07. Guitars so loud you'll have to check to make sure you didn't switch to DoucheRock 104

06. No John Rich songs

05. Darius Rucker sandbagging

04. Creepy Pepsi Max commercials

03. Reba McEntire embarrassing herself

02. Taylor Swift singing about boys

01. Kenny Chesney singing about boys

YouTube Gems: Uncle Tupelo

Grandaddy’s Advice (a satire lyric)

Here's a silly little satire of all those "dad's/granny's/grandaddy's" advice country songs.

Grandaddy’s Advice

v.1

I remember when I was five

Playin’ in my grandparent’s drive

I fell off my scooter and skinned my knee

Grandaddy helped me clean my cuts

He whisked the gravel off my butt

Then he smiled and gave this advice to me

c.1

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.2

I remember in seventh grade

Ridin’ in grandaddy’s Chevrolet

He pulled over and said it was my turn

As I slipped into the driver’s seat

and felt the pedals under my feet

Grandaddy smiled and said “It’s time you learned...”

c.2

Look both ways before you leap

Damn my drawers are startin’ to creep

How do they make them Crispies out of rice?

Then with a somber voice

He said urine cures hemorrhoids

Thank goodness I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.3

Ten years later I heard the news

Grandaddy’d flown his earthly coop

Died in his sleep with a big grin on his face

At his service I said a piece

Told some advice he’d given me

And I could almost hear his voice say...

c.3

Don’t pee on an electric fence

Look I just found thirty cents

Pour me some V-8 and vodka over ice

The Lord knows I loved that man

but I’m sure you all understand

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

(tag: in a sad voice with minimal music backing)

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

Now I sure do miss Grandaddy’s advice

©2003 Corey Parkman

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #45

When I'm not busy writing modern country classics like "Country Done Come to Town" and "Country Trucker Preacher Man," I'm either drinking myself into a higher state of consciousness or filling up the tank another way. What way, you ask? You see son, artists are like rivers running through the woods. As long as good clean water is flowing in, the river flows smoothly and is perfect for taking a couple of lady friends to play "sink the bobber," errr, I mean go fishing. However, if things get constipated upstream, the river becomes stagnant and smells like ass and taco vomit. In other words, keep your mind active... read books (I like to go with Juggs or Glenn Beck's latest tome), watch movies (Transformers and Sex Toy Story 3 were my latest) and listen to music (CBT, CDB). Good input = staying regular and putting out some gooood shit! That's how the master does it. I'm out.

*Not actually written by John Rich.