Showing posts with label Colt Ford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Colt Ford. Show all posts
Dec 19, 2013
Least Essential Country Albums: Dec. '13
Labels:
Colt Ford,
John Mayer,
Least Essential,
Luke Bryan,
parody,
Photocrap,
Shooter Jennings,
Taylor Swift,
Trucks
Dec 11, 2013
FTM's Christmas Parody Song Playlist
FTM Holiday Song Parody Playlist*:
David Allan Coe- I'm Dreaming of a White White Christmas
Kacey Musgraves feat Ashley Monroe and Willie Nelson- The Christmas Bong
Florida-Georgia Line- Doin' it for the HoHoHos
Scotty McCreery - The Howdy Doody Christmas
Gary Levox- I'm Getting Stuffing for Christmas
Taylor Swift - Santa Looked a Lot Like Scott Borchetta
Kenny Chesney- All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Man
Justin Moore - Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas
Colt Ford ft T-Pain- Rufus the Remix Reindeer
Jason Aldean - Oh Come All Ye Unfaithful
Luke Bryan- Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans
--------------------------------------
-Concept and most of the titles by Robert Groves @fiveoletsgo
*These songs do not actually exist.
Nov 8, 2013
Little Known Facts: November '13
By Trailer and Jeremy Harris
Garth Brooks is reportedly killing it at a Tulsa Crossfit studio, getting in shape
to fit into his flying skinny jeans for his big come-back next year.
The only thing Colt Ford prefers to see butchered more than beef is the English language.
In 2011 Shooter Jennings nearly drown in a kiddy pool due to being
the person on bottom during a chicken fight.
Bucky Covington was not injured when Shooter dropped him into the pool.
"Gary Levox" loosely translates to vaginal mesh in Mandarin.
Zovirax dropped Brantley Gilbert as their spokesperson due
to potential customers thinking their product was douche.
The recipe to McDonald's secret Big Mac sauce is hidden deep in the beard of Matt Woods.
At a recent Chrysler Group meeting in Nashville, Ram CEO Reid Bigland jokingly (but not) asked, "Who do I have to blow to get a Ram truck mentioned in a country song?"
When Tim McGraw first met Faith Hill she knew it was love because
they always finished each other's sentences; now she only finishes his meals.
Johnny and June originally spelled their hit duet "Jackson" J-A-X-S-O-N
but were scared of a lawsuit from the writers of Sons of Anarchy.
If Blackjack Billy's fans could read this fact would make all three of them angry.
Dallas Davidson has a signature line of custom tailgates coming out with built-in moonshine jar holders, butt warmers, and a hidden camera to take up-skirt pics of your country girl.
George Strait's 2013 CMA Entertainer of the Year award will
proudly be displayed up Blake Shelton's ass.
Colt Ford is to music what Colt Ford is to golf.
A group of crows is called a murder; a group of kangaroos is a court;
a group of Nashville songwriters is called a "shart."
Oct 24, 2013
Bro-Country Lingo Bingo
Gather friends. Enjoy an adult beverage. Listen to country radio. Play. First person to BINGO gets to stop listening to country radio immediately.
Sep 26, 2013
Honest Radio Promo Ad: Colt Ford with Jason Aldean
Labels:
Colt Ford,
Honest Ads,
Jason Aldean
Sep 10, 2013
Little Known Facts: September '13
Whitey Morgan's beard is two years older than Whitey.
Jake Owen's severed finger tip recently sold on eBay for $7.
Tyler Farr had to leave his hometown of Garden City, Missouri over
fear of being Baker-acted by local mental health officials.
When asked what his biggest accomplishment since moving to Nashville was,
Justin Moore replied "Using the big boy potty."
When he returns home covered in glitter, Luke Bryan's wife wishes he had been at a gentlemen's club.
No buffalos were harmed during the recording of Buffalo Gospel's album
We Can Be Horses but three bison were castrated.
Devil John Moonshine recently selected Shooter Jennings as their spokesperson
because Davis Daniel was too busy with his music career.
The Snuffleupagus costume was recently stolen from the set of Sesame Street
forcing Colt Ford to play the part of Snuffy for three episodes.
When asked about the lasting effects of her ended relationship with
Brantley Gilbert, Jana Kramer said, "Its nothing a little cream won't clear up."
A high amount of sun exposure is harmful to your body and can alter brain function.
Example 1: Kenny Chesney.
Farcethemusic.com creator Trailer started the site after
visiting tasteofcountry.com and realizing he couldn't do worse.
Jackson Taylor's band The Sinners are all former members of 98 Degrees.
---------------
By Jeremy Harris
Sep 3, 2013
Aug 27, 2013
Aug 22, 2013
Top 10 Reasons To Avoid A Pop-Country Concert
10. The performers will be singing pop-country.
9. It's the first place your parole officer will look for you.
8. They have both kinds of beer: Bud Light with or without lime.
7. If a girl has all of her teeth, she's underage.
6. The glare from Luke Bryan's teeth has been know to cause permanent retina damage.
5. You may be forced to park under a lifted truck if the parking garage is packed.
4. Colt Ford will be granted entry before you.
Concession stands will resemble Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard.
3. Are you male? Do you have a tattoo of a deer visible when you wear a sleeveless shirt?
Are your jeans overly tight? Is getting your GED a life goal?
If you answered yes to at least 3 of these, you just became the opening act.
2. Unless you're in the front row, you can't see Justin Moore on stage.
1. Old shiny skinned white guys acting like they're teenagers.
-by Jeremy Harris
Aug 12, 2013
Monday Mid-Day Memes: Colt Ford, Clearchannel, etc.
Labels:
Clearchannel,
Colt Ford,
Jeremy Harris,
memes
Aug 2, 2013
Sackpunch #16: Dallas Davidson
Dallas Davidson Deserves a Sackpunch
I'm not going to bother writing much of anything about this dude. However, I believe, as much as a songwriter can, Dallas Davidson has done nearly irreversible damage to the genre of country music on the mainstream level. Some other writers have been a part of some truly awful songs, but Dallas' track record is a tote board full of douche-ocity, truck fetishism and misogyny. For that, he deserves one of the most painful and physically damaging sackpunches FTM has ever issued. If you need some proof, look no further than the following videos & songs. He wrote or co-wrote all of them.
And not one to rest on his laurels, Dallas has now provided us with what may be the worst country song of all time:
Get ready, DD.
Labels:
Blake Shelton,
Colt Ford,
Dallas Davidson,
Luke Bryan,
Sackpunch,
Trace Adkins,
Tyler Farr
Jul 29, 2013
Monday Morning Memes: Hick-Hop Edition
Labels:
Colt Ford,
hick-hop,
Joe Diffie,
memes
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