Farce the Music: Jamey Johnson

May 7, 2013

Little Known Facts: May '13

LL Cool J's next single will be titled "Accidental Sellout".

Justin Moore only wears a cowboy hat for one reason. To protect his soft spot.

If you stare into a mirror and repeat "Little Debbie" three times, Gary Levox will appear.

The Brantley Gilbert fact for this month has been edited out by Trailer due to not being offensive enough.

The only two boobs in music bigger than those belonging to Dolly Parton

are the two singing in Florida Georgia Line.

Curb Records is no longer adding new artists to its roster, only lawyers.

While savingcountrymusic.com has been accused of hacking one time,

farcethemusic.com is accused of being written by hacks daily.

94% of all Robert Earl Reed music that is purchased is by people

attempting to buy a Robert Earl Keen album.

Travis Tritt still receives counseling due to his emotional scars from an early 90's feud with Billy Ray Cyrus.

The Zac Brown Band's tour bus sleeps 20. The remaining band members usually get a hotel.

The reward for taking a picture of Jamey Johnson crying in public

is you get beaten to death by Jamey Johnson.

Thanks to Jeremy Harris for most of these.

Jan 3, 2013

The 2012 average wage of a Brantley Gilbert fan is $9,078.
Hank Jr fan - $16,231 but would've been much higher with a republican in the White House.
Kid Rock fan - NA (No filings recorded with the IRS.)
Avett Brothers - $0 due to all being stay at home moms

Plans for a life size Justin Moore action figure were scrapped by Hasbro when the only prototype was dropped down a heating vent.

Even without music Gary Levox would be wealthy due to him selling his chocolate fountain design to Golden Corral.

An Australian newscaster once asked Jamey Johnson what a honky tonk badonkadonk was. Anyone that has information on the whereabouts of the reporter, please contact the Sydney Police Department.

Colt Ford controls the market price of all poultry in the USA based solely on his appetite.

Due to his preferred choice of pants, Luke Bryan's penis is six inches wide but only 1/16 of an inch thick.

Brantley Gilbert spent over $42,000 on removal of misspelled tattoos in 2012 alone.

The guys in Florida-Georgia Line were actually born in Delaware and Rhode Island, respectively.

Scott Borchetta's hair care routine consists of a regular professional wash and conditioning (the latter in the blood of a half dozen puppies).

Bucky Covington writed dis fakt purseonly.

*Thanks to Jeremy Harris for most of these.