Farce the Music: Thomas Rhett

Showing posts with label Thomas Rhett. Show all posts

Sep 3, 2020

Gordon Ramsay Country Reaction Gifs

*foul language warning obviously*

If I see Thomas Rhett, Luke Bryan, and FGL all together on the street

When you see that the best mainstream country song of the year, Caylee Hammack's "Small Town Hypocrite" bombed on the charts

The opposite of Vince Gill

Describe Keith Urban's last album

Did you hear about Kane Brown getting lost on his own land?

When your friends says "You're right, mainstream country is awful - give me Tyler Childers and Courtney Patton instead."

If 'that' is a boyfriend country song with snap beats:

When someone says they like Kelsea Ballerini better than Kelsey Waldon

and finally, to mainstream country radio...

Aug 18, 2020

An Honest Visual Interview with Sam Hunt

Thanks for talking with us Sam. First of all, could you point to another Sam who's more country than you?

And who's another non-country singer who's still more country than you?

What's your advice to people who say that genre distinctions don't matter but still call you country?

And what should be done to your entire discography?

Most country stars say they're inspired by Strait or Dolly or Waylon or somebody like that. Who's your inspiration?

Were you better at football than you are at selling pop music as country music?

And finally, what state of mind would someone have to be in to think they truly understand the history of country music and yet still believe you're country?

Aug 13, 2020

Can a Country Boy Survive?

Jul 31, 2020

Report: Nobody Gives a Sh** What Famous Country Singers Are Doing During Quarantine

Reports from every American man and woman, regardless of political belief or musical preference, on Friday said they do not give one solitary shit what famous country singers are doing to pass time during the COVID-19 quarantine.

Despite numerous attempts by Taste of Country and PopCulture.com, not a single story of singers drinking coffee and reading to their kids has piqued the interest of normal everyday citizens. While Americans realized the difficulty of finding interesting news during this difficult time, they were resolute in their belief that “this ain’t it, chief.”

“I’m only working 20 hours a week and the PPP and my stimulus check have run out so I’m worried about paying the mortgage,” said Rena Hopson of Kalamazoo, MI. “So no, I am not interested in how Luke Bryan is doing Tik Tok videos with his beautiful wife on their sprawling farm… call me cynical, I call me a realist.”

Even TMZ has taken to peeking in the windows of country stars like Jason Aldean and Thomas Rhett to see how they’re coping with the pandemic. “Aldean appeared to be fussing at his daughter for playing Animal Crossing when she was supposed to be taking out the trash.” said a breathless paparazzi reporter for the rag. Again, this did nothing to snatch the attention of any human being upon the earth, who were each dealing with their own issues at the present time.

“I understand that there’s nothing going on, so they have to get creative with their content,” laughed Azid Parah of Pensacola. “But I have kids to keep busy and bills to pay, so I do not give even one damn what kind of sourdough Kelsea Ballerini is baking this week.”

At press time, The Boot was interviewing Florida-Georgia Line about their favorite episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

Jul 30, 2020

Verified Not Country

Jul 29, 2020

They've Run Out of Stuff to Talk About

Jul 24, 2020

Record Store Looted, Luke Bryan Albums Untouched

Portland’s Portobello Records near Laurelhurst Park was ransacked and looted on Thursday night during the ongoing protests and unrest occurring in the city. The store was reported to be nearly a total loss.

Owner Jason Anderson reported damages in upwards of $67,000. Shelves were overturned, walls were vandalized, records were stolen, Five Finger Death Punch t-shirts were burned, and the cash register was emptied of its entire $1.45.

“They left every single CD and vinyl record of Luke Bryan untouched though,” laughed Anderson. “Usually we just sell those to tourists anyway, but he’s not thaaat bad, right?” He told us there was even a polite letter scrawled in blood on the Bryan records that said simply “No thanks.”

Besides the country hunk’s records, every other CD, cassette tape, vinyl, and even a few 8-tracks were stolen from Portobello. That includes Creed, Nickelback, Soulja Boy, Hoobastank, Lil Xan, LMFAO, 6ix9ine, Puddle of Mudd, and even Coldplay. “I could have resold a lot of leftovers on eBay or some other secondary market, but I mean, if they wouldn’t even steal Luke Bryan albums, I guess they’re worthless,” said Anderson, rummaging through the debris.

“Oh, actually here are a few other records they didn’t take,” said Anderson, finding a full crate under some rubble. “Florida-Georgia Line, Dustin Lynch, Thomas Rhett… weird.”

The looters, believed to be one group pretending to be Antifa and another group pretending to be right wingers, both intending to frame the other, were not identifiable in store security footage. If you have information that could lead to an arrest in the case, contact Portland Crimestoppers.