Lyrical Satirical: I'm So From the Country

A bro-country song as written by someone whose first language is not English.

Why? Because... that's why. And is it any worse than this?

I'm So From the Country

©2013 FTM Satire

She is from the country and she talks as such

She enjoys when I arrive in my large pick-up truck

She is wearing shorts that nearly show her buns

Let us find a deserted lane to have sexual fun

Chorus

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I love beer that tastes skunky

I'm so country, more than you've seen

Listen to me tell you southern things

Here's a rural field with a group of local friends

Here's the part where I mention her butt again

Here's a large fire burning and strong drink passed around

Let us twerk our bottoms to some Hank and really get down

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I enjoy my hip-hop funky

I'm so country my drawl has bling

Listen to me tell you southern things

Bridge

We enjoy to party!

We get drunk and take a ride!

Let us get into water naked

And I put my peener inside!

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I will give your face a punching

I'm so country I enjoy bee stings

Listen to me tell you southern things

New Video: Matt Woods - Deadman's Blues

Radio Then vs Radio Now

For those who make the argument that country radio is no better or worse now than it was in the past, that county radio has always had an overabundance of pop-country, and that anyone seeking real country has always had to find it somewhere besides the radio, I present this.

The following artists had number one hits for the majority of time and chart position held in their given year. 

Monday Morning Memes: Bad Luck Brian vs Outlaws

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Photo from KFrog

Sunday Mornin' Music: Johnny & Kris

Not the usual gospel-oriented type of tune I post on Sunday mornings, but oh so spiritual...

Saturday Night Music: Jason Isbell - Super 8

From the Archives: A Gassy Miranda Parody

ORIGINALLY POSTED JUN 2, 2011

Miranda Lambert lyric parody

Thanks to the ever-twisted Bobby Joe for this parody of Miranda's "Heart Like Mine."

Fart Like Mine
(©2010 BobbyJoe parody lyric)

I ain't the kind you take home to dinner
I ain't the kind to hold it in
Somehow they always get louder
When I'm on a cabbage binge

Even though I hate to admit it
Sometimes I can really reek
Christian folks say I should quit it
I just turn the other cheek

(Chorus):
'Cause I heard Jesus, he ate beans
And we know he always caused a scene
He could clear a room and make you blind
So I bet he'd understand a fart like mine

Mama gagged when I ripped my first one
Said she'd love me anyway
My brother got the sense of the family
So I thought I'd learn to toot

(Chorus):
'Cause I heard Jesus, he ate beans
And we know he always caused a scene
He could clear a room and make you blind
So I bet he'd understand a fart like mine

(Bridge):
I'll Beano away
From it all one day
I'll Beano away

These are the days that I will remember
When my name's called on the roll
He'll meet me with two beef burritos
Make blue flames for me coming home

(Chorus):
'Cause I heard Jesus, he ate beans
And we know he always caused a scene
He could clear a room and make you blind
So I bet he'd understand a fart like mine

Oh, Yes He would

YouTube Gems: Lincoln Durham

From the newly released Exodus of the Deemed Unrighteous, here's Lincoln Durham with "Rise in the River." RIYL: Badass music.

Fantasy Football Teams of the Country Stars IV

Fantasy football is in full swing, entering week 8 of the proceedings. How's your team doing? I won't discuss mine because who cares, right? Anyway, as we've done in the past, FTM has found the team names of several big country stars. Match the logos with the names below! Or don't!

Brantley Gilbert Fan eCards #23

These are actual unedited YouTube comments from Brantley Gilbert fans.

New Video: Run the Jewels - Get It

From their acclaimed and deservedly so self-titled album (still FREE!), here's Run the Jewels with "Get It." Not particularly safe for work... Also not safe for hip-hop haters.

Get It from Run The Jewels on Myspace.

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Jerrod Niemann

Bro-Country Lingo Bingo

Gather friends. Enjoy an adult beverage. Listen to country radio. Play. First person to BINGO gets to stop listening to country radio immediately.

New(ish) Video: Deer Tick - The Dream's in the Ditch

From the new album Negativity, here's Deer Tick with "The Dream's in the Ditch."
RIYL: Wilco, Ha Ha Tonka, Ryan Adams, The Avett Brothers.

Got Country Bro?

Word to Your Mother

Douche Bryan Photo of the Week

Luke Bryan Fan eCards

These are actual comments from Luke Bryan fans on YouTube.

Album Review: Brandy Clark - 12 Stories

Brandy Clark's 12 Stories is the cure for the common country song. Sorry, that was a terrible opening line, but I'm gonna leave it in here because it might make this review stick in your head for better or worse. 

While her vocal style may recall a bit of Trisha Yearwood or Rosanne Cash and her writing may bring to mind Miranda Lambert or Kacey Musgraves (both of whom she has written with/for), Brandy is an artist unto her own. 

She's kept all the best songs for herself …and good for her! The debut single, "Stripes" is a witty kiss-off that mixes infidelity, fashion and revenge into what would almost be a novelty song with a less lived-in vocal. In a world where females make up less than 15% of the country chart, "Stripes" would be a welcome (and welcomed(!), if only the mass of country radio's audience had a chance to hear it) entry into the testosterone-apalooza.

"What'll Keep Me Out of Heaven" might be the best pure country song of 2013. It's an old-school cheating song with modern sensibilities. Clark goes through a near real-time analysis of the desires and implications inherent in a potential hotel room hook-up, and it is captivating.

"Take a Little Pill" is my favorite cut on 12 Stories. It'll never ever ever ever get anywhere near country radio because it's far too close to real life. Here, Brandy explores pharmaceutical healing in an age where the fine line between necessity and easy-out are crossed with little regard for the consequences.

12 Stories is the rare album where every song is as catchy as it is intelligent. Its over-arching theme seems to be similar to that of bro-country - escape; however, Brandy explicitly tells you what harsh realities are being numbed away or ignored, and what the repercussions may be in the end. It's a stunning debut that begs more than critical praise - it deserves a big stage from which to remind a wide audience about the beauty and ugliness of real life.

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12 Stories is available for purchase today, everywhere.