Farce the Music: Dylan Scott

Showing posts with label Dylan Scott. Show all posts

Jun 29, 2017

Country Singer Anagrams: Kelsea, Walker Hayes, Stapleton, etc.

an·a·gram

ˈanəˌgram/

noun

a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another, such as cinema, formed from iceman.

Bro-Country

Dylan Scott

Kelsea Ballerini

Michael Ray

Walker Hayes

Jun 26, 2017

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #81

Back in the olden days when Mr. Johnny Rich here was a studly young country singer and songwriter, the biggest piece of advice I ever got was the hardest one. "You have to write songs better than those you hear on the radio." said the old codgers and biddies. When you're young and dumb and full of shit, you've gotta compete with the big timers, the ballers, the OGs, if you will. Artists and labels are more willing to work with who they know. Those writers who've made it tend to get settled in and lazy and start pumping out hits like a hot dog company pumping lips and ears and ballsacks into their juicy wieners.

That used to be quite a chore. Hell, as a twenty-something, I was competing with the likes of Jim Lauderdale, Charlie Craig, and Don Sampson. It was a trial by fire, my friends. You had to come into the writers' room full of piss and vinegar and pacing like a damn silverback, or you'd get torn to shreds by these bad asses.

Nowadays, I turn on my radio and scratch my head when pondering that old piece of advice. This is a sampling of some of the lyrics I've heard lately: "Ooh she got me like yeah baby girl, you gone and done it again." Alrighty then. And "Dang girl look at you, stopping me in my boots, what's a country boy to do but say uh uh." Look, I'm part of the establishment. I'm "The Man," so I hate to talk bad about another cog in the machine, but let's get real. An ADD riddled 9 year old with a D average could come up with more coherent lyrics than that. I could let my cat walk across a computer keyboard and she'd write better poetry.

So basically what I'm saying is… that old advice is pointless as a bowling ball. If you write songs that are better than the ones on the radio, you're probably not getting anything cut. If you write songs worse than those on the radio, you're not getting enough brain function to put on velcro sneakers. I don't know what to tell you. Be famous. Have a dad in the business. Know people. Or get me a couple of extra ketchup packets for my curly fries.

JR out.

*not actually written by John Rich

Jun 22, 2017

Spongebob: Country Reaction Gifs

Hey guys, I've got tickets to Dylan Scott and can't make it.

Anybody want 'em?

Cole Swindell back in Jr. High music class

When you find out you'll be out of town

the night Dwight Yoakam is playing

Every dad who had to take their daughter

to the Luke Bryan concert

Hello Mr. Country Radio Programmer,

do you actually like country music?

Dude said you'll go to hell if you don't like

FGL/Backstreet Boys' "God, Your Mama, and Me"

Waiting for a country song on country radio...

Jun 21, 2017

The Current Poop of Country Music (June '17)

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-29) overall which is a hefty 29 point drop (!!!!!) from last October (the last time we did this chart). The best song is Midland's "Drinkin' Problem." The worst is Dylan Scott's substandard bro-country-lite "My Girl." Not only is the Top 20 really pathetic, there is not a single solo female in the bunch.

Things are bad.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.