Showing posts with label Scotty McCreery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scotty McCreery. Show all posts
Dec 9, 2014
Three Up Three Down: December '14
3 Up
Maddie & Tae - Girl in a Country Song
This is both a good song and a culturally significant song. Rarely do those two things equal a popular song, but here we are with it sitting at #1 on the Mediabase charts and others. Are listeners grinning a little and moving on to the next booty-on-a-tailgate song or nodding their heads in acknowledgement? It's hard to know right now, but I suppose we'll see in time. The fact that these thoughts about sexism and clichés in country music are now out there beyond FTM's constant complaining and the occasional newspaper website think-piece is a good start. The fact that Maddie and Tae have proven on their recent EP to be more than the vehicle for what some surely consider a novelty song is even more favorable. Fingers crossed.
B+
Eric Church - Talladega
Eric Church does nostalgia better than anyone on the charts right now because he starts with the personal and makes it sound universal, while everyone else seems to be taking the opposite approach. "Talledega" sounds like a big ol' yeehaw, NASCAR loving anthem if you just pay attention to the high points, but it's really a small story wrapped in a big idea. The chorus might call on everybody to sing along and it may beg for sponsorship opportunities, but the verses actually make you miss the fun and friends from that trip you may or may not have ever even made to watch cars turn left. It's wistful and epic and everything this kind of song should be.
A
Jake Owen - What We Ain't Got
Co-written by Travis Meadows and Travis Jerome Goff, "What We Ain't Got" is a powerful ballad about never being satisfied with with one's situation, possessions and relationships. It's a simple longing that falls into several categories of the Christian concept of sin, but one that no one is immune to. Jake Owen spoke of this song as a harbinger of change and he wasn't over-hyping it. The song opens Owen's field of view and enlivens the possibilities for his future work being more varied and deeper than flip-flops, summer flings and tan lines. It's also great for country radio, since its frequent play forces dunderhead bro's to listen to something with actual artistic merit and positive moral implications. Jake's vocal talent and commercial momentum combined with a truly great song make this a release of considerable importance.
A+
3 Down
Parmalee - Close Your Eyes
They rhyme "hotter" with "water." That's enough to disqualify this song from being anything I'd ever listen to on purpose, but worse than that, "Close Your Eyes" is a color-by-numbers. bro-country lite song created specifically to be airplay filler. And now, it's top 10 airplay filler. The emperor has no clothes and nobody gives a shit. Sing familiar words with a familiar melody that fits into the current sonic model and don't make anybody think negative thoughts and you've got a hit. Well done, Parmalee, former rock band who couldn't hack it without switching genres to take advantage of country radio's doldrums. Take a bow.
D
Scotty McCreery - Feelin' It
I've said it before: Scotty McCreery has a fantastic country voice. Much like his vocal doppelganger, Josh Turner, he's struggled to find material that both fits his rich delivery and the whims of commercial country music. He's done it with this track - if by "done it" I mean, focused entirely on the whims portion of that last sentence. Not that he sounds bad singing this craptacular song, it's just that any minuscule thread of artistic quality is foregone for a steady run up Bob Kingsley's countdown. How bad is this song? Well, Ray-Bans are rayin' and cut-offs are cuttin', whatever those two statements mean. The build to the chorus is basically saying "here, I will continue to sing you this song about how we are enjoying chilling in the sun and drinking beverages." The chorus is basically saying "We are greatly enjoying chilling in the sun and drinking beverages." Then he rhymes "hotter" with "water" and you already know my disdain for that sort of thing. This song can take its "glossin' lip gloss" and kiss my ass; it's completely embarrassing and pathetic. Scotty, if you're going to use your gift to unleash tripe like this upon the world, I'd rather you go back and give minor league baseball a shot. "Screwball's screwin', catcher's chewin'…."
D-
Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
I'm sure I've already said enough about this one with memes and whatnot, but hey, it still sucks. While I did actually like "Dirt," I'm starting to think these guys are just lowering the bar with nearly every single to make their mediocre work sound like classics. "Sun Daze" is stupid, derivative, artless, and is only catchy in the way that kidnapping sometimes brings about Stockholm syndrome. FGL's previous low-water mark was "This is How We Roll." That song was at least interesting with its obvious critic trolling slang and attitude. This song is just spectacularly awful and further proof that you can never underestimate the taste of the American public.
F
Dec 6, 2014
From the Archives: The Scotty McCreery on the Shelf Collection
Since we're not doing these anymore (a real life tragedy always seems to happen
that makes their comic violence seem
very inappropriate), here's the unabridged collection of
FTM's Scotty
McCreery on the Shelf posts. Originally posted on various dates.
Labels:
Christmas,
From the Archives,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
Nov 11, 2014
Lyric Parody of Scotty McCreery's "Feelin' It"
Another potty-humor lyric parody from the mind of a perpetual 13-year-old.
"Flatulence"
(Lyric Parody of Scotty McCreery's "Feelin' It")
I'm flatulent
Black beans beanin'
Salsa saucin'
Tacos down the hatch
Cheese is cheesin'
Beef is beefin'
I should have skipped this snack
Flatulence
Beer is bubblin'
Tummy's troublin'
Pressure's building' up (uh)
On a third date
I shouldn't have ate
Somethin' that would struggle in my gut (flatulence)
And I pray, I pray I can hold on
Hope nothin', nothin' will go wrong
I don't wanna play a sphincter song
Must hold it in
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Hunched up, pray for luck, God willin'
but it's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' while tension climbs
Drop an SBD if I can
Hope it don't get out of hand
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
Please no rippin'
Nothing for whiffin'
Slip, slippin' holdin' on tight (man this sucks)
Date gets hotter
Don't drop a rotter
Keep organs in a vice (flatulence)
And I pray, I pray I can hold on
Hope nothin', nothin' will go wrong
I don't wanna play a sphincter song
Must hold it in (like this)
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Hunched up, pray for luck, God willin'
but it's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' while tension climbs
Drop an SBD if I can
Hope it don't get out of hand
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
Egg needs layin'
Donkey needs brayin'
But my girl wants a kiss
Red faced confession
Gaseous expression
Baby forgive me for this
(Flatulence)
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Set free, full relief, expellin'
It's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' when tension's gone
She just laughs as she holds my hand
She says she understands
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
We go parkin'
Kia's rockin'
Please no shartin'
Oh, I'm flatulent
(Lyric Parody of Scotty McCreery's "Feelin' It")
I'm flatulent
Black beans beanin'
Salsa saucin'
Tacos down the hatch
Cheese is cheesin'
Beef is beefin'
I should have skipped this snack
Flatulence
Beer is bubblin'
Tummy's troublin'
Pressure's building' up (uh)
On a third date
I shouldn't have ate
Somethin' that would struggle in my gut (flatulence)
And I pray, I pray I can hold on
Hope nothin', nothin' will go wrong
I don't wanna play a sphincter song
Must hold it in
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Hunched up, pray for luck, God willin'
but it's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' while tension climbs
Drop an SBD if I can
Hope it don't get out of hand
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
Please no rippin'
Nothing for whiffin'
Slip, slippin' holdin' on tight (man this sucks)
Date gets hotter
Don't drop a rotter
Keep organs in a vice (flatulence)
And I pray, I pray I can hold on
Hope nothin', nothin' will go wrong
I don't wanna play a sphincter song
Must hold it in (like this)
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Hunched up, pray for luck, God willin'
but it's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' while tension climbs
Drop an SBD if I can
Hope it don't get out of hand
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
Egg needs layin'
Donkey needs brayin'
But my girl wants a kiss
Red faced confession
Gaseous expression
Baby forgive me for this
(Flatulence)
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like feelin' that intestinal feelin'
Set free, full relief, expellin'
It's flatulence, It's flatulence
Whoa, oh no
Ain't nothin' like grinnin' when tension's gone
She just laughs as she holds my hand
She says she understands
It's flatulence
Oh, It's flatulence
We go parkin'
Kia's rockin'
Please no shartin'
Oh, I'm flatulent
Labels:
parody,
Parody lyrics,
Scotty McCreery
Nov 4, 2014
Taking Lyrics Literally: Scotty McCreery
There are so many odd phrases in Scotty McCreery's "Feelin' It," it could fuel a 1000 bad memes. Here's #3.
Labels:
Feelin' It,
memes,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery,
Taking Lyrics Literally
It Depends on What the Meaning of the Word "It" Is
Labels:
memes,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
Oct 29, 2014
Oct 27, 2014
Monday Morning Memes: BG, FGL, Scotty McCreery
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Ed Hardy,
Florida Georgia Line,
memes,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
Jun 6, 2014
Scotty McCreery Fan Club Meme
Labels:
memes,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
Jun 5, 2014
CMA Fest 2014 Bingo!
Labels:
Big Smo,
Bingo,
Brantley Gilbert,
bro-country,
CMA Fest,
Daryl Worley,
Justin Moore,
Luke Bryan,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
May 7, 2014
Scotty McCreery's Surprising New Single
Labels:
parody ads,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery
Apr 17, 2014
Little Known Facts: April 2014
ACM Awards organizers last Sunday scrambled to find a Rascal Flatts voice track when
Gary Levox walked onto the stage with a 12" chicken parmesan sub instead of his microphone.
Gary Levox walked onto the stage with a 12" chicken parmesan sub instead of his microphone.
The "H" in Scott H Biram is for Hoobastank and he is also
a founding member and the original keyboard player of the band.
Chase Rice chose his name from the punch line of an offensive joke about Asian people.
For the 2015 model, Chevrolet will be offering a special edition "country music" Silverado
that will feature two wheel drive with "4X4" stickers and oversized tailgate cables to
accommodate a higher dancer weight.
It takes a Masters Degree to fully appreciate country radio spin statistics.
It takes a high school drop-out to fully appreciate Dallas Davidson songs.
After being named Taste of Country's sexiest male singer,
Scotty McCreery celebrated his victory by entering a Clay Aiken look alike contest.
When James Bonamy recently stopped by Taco Bell for their new breakfast,
the lady at the window said "Hey! Aren't you…. Jim from afternoon shift?"
The stick figure family on the back of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill's vehicle is actual size.
Vince Gill might sing like a girl but he can apply a mean front facelock if you piss him off.
When asked about the controversial tweets from Luke Bryan's camp concerning
the ACM Entertainer of the Year Award, George Strait replied,
"Who's Luke Bryan and what in the hell is a tweet?"
On April Fools Day someone switched Brantley Gilbert's Valtrex with
Gorilla Glue... Jason Aldean was not amused.
Cole Swindell's greatest writing influence is his set of ABC123 words flash cards.
---------
Most of these by Jeremy Harris
Apr 16, 2014
Scotty McCreery: Parody Radio Promo Ad
Labels:
Parody Ad,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery,
Taste of Country
Mar 12, 2014
The Vampires of Music Row
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Dallas Davidson,
FGL,
Love and Theft,
memes,
night songs,
Satire,
Scotty McCreery,
Tim McGraw
Dec 11, 2013
FTM's Christmas Parody Song Playlist
FTM Holiday Song Parody Playlist*:
David Allan Coe- I'm Dreaming of a White White Christmas
Kacey Musgraves feat Ashley Monroe and Willie Nelson- The Christmas Bong
Florida-Georgia Line- Doin' it for the HoHoHos
Scotty McCreery - The Howdy Doody Christmas
Gary Levox- I'm Getting Stuffing for Christmas
Taylor Swift - Santa Looked a Lot Like Scott Borchetta
Kenny Chesney- All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Man
Justin Moore - Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas
Colt Ford ft T-Pain- Rufus the Remix Reindeer
Jason Aldean - Oh Come All Ye Unfaithful
Luke Bryan- Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans
--------------------------------------
-Concept and most of the titles by Robert Groves @fiveoletsgo
*These songs do not actually exist.
Oct 21, 2013
A Very True Meme (Guest Submission)
Labels:
Guest Submissions,
Jake Owen,
memes,
Scotty McCreery
May 6, 2013
Apr 30, 2013
Country Day April '13: Parody Album Covers Pt. 3 - Willie, Possum, etc.
Feb 21, 2013
Little Known Facts: Feb. '13
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re-entry to a Brantley Gilbert concert is only allowed if you've had your lower back stamped.
When traveling to Scotty McCreery's house you must travel over a bridge,
but only after correctly answering Scotty's riddle.
Joe Diffie has spent all of his career earnings attempting to build a time machine
to prevent himself from starting the truck song craze.
Your mom likes that one Luke Bryan song.
The band Fifth On The Floor was first discovered when Shooter Jennings
climbed a bean stalk that led to the home of lead singer Justin Wells.
If golf celebrated mediocrity as much as country radio, Colt Ford would still be a golfer.
Everything on Justin Moore's tourbus is miniaturized for his ease of use.
eBay item #170992608018 is for the rights to roll Willie Nelson up and smoke him when he dies.
Jason Aldean DOES NOT have herpes. Word on the street however is that he has a few sores
that pop up once a month on his genitalia but he DOES NOT have herpes.
Long brown hooded robes and torches are required work apparel at
Big Machine Records except on Satanic Fridays.
1990's country star Ty Herndon now lives in a monastery in the Swiss Alps.
-----------------------------------------------------------
*Most of this, including the shot of Justin Wells and Shooter Jennings, by Jeremy Harris.
Dec 17, 2012
Scotty McCreery on the Shelf: The End (2012 Edition)
Labels:
Christmas,
Scotty McCreery
Dec 13, 2012
Scotty McCreery on the Shelf 4 (2012 Edition)
Labels:
Christmas,
Scotty McCreery
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