Showing posts with label Tyler Childers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tyler Childers. Show all posts

Dec 8, 2020

What Your Favorite 2020 Album Says About You


 (Idea "borrowed" from Medium)


Dustin Lynch - Tullahoma

You were kicked out of at least 3 stores for not wearing a mask in 2020. You don’t really like music, you just like Dustin’s smile, abs, and … wait, you’ve moved on to Russell Dickerson.


Russell Dickerson - Southern Symphony

You have the attention span of a 2-year-old and this is the most recent pop country album that came out. You don’t have a boyfriend, but if you did, he’d leave you for your godawful taste in music.


Upchurch - Everlasting Country

You’ve only heard it twice during your allotted media time at the prison library but you love it. Your parents are more proud of your brother, a furry who smokes synthetic marijuana.


Elizabeth Cook - Aftermath

You have put a man into a headlock for the last cigarette. You’ve showed up to church looking like a million bucks after a night of drinking that would have ended a normal human.


Drive-by Truckers - The Unravelling

You’ve been a fan since way back. Way back in 2016. Your real life friends hate you despite having the same political beliefs.


Sam Hunt - Southside

You’re either an idiot, or an otherwise intelligent music journalist with one major blind spot. 


Matt Stell - Better Than That

You’re one of the 17 people who know who Matt Stell is, despite him having two #1 hits.


Arlo McKinley - Die Midwestern

Based on your listening habits, people would assume you’re a hard-living rancher or trucker, but they know better because they work in the cubicle next to yours. 


Tyler Childers - Long Violent History

You’re able to look past click-bait headlines to see the true meaning and measure of a man. Also, your standards for old timey fiddle music are pretty low.


Keith Urban - The Speed of Now

You worked from home all year, but made fun of people who were worried about Covid. You love Yellowstone, but hate that old timey music they play. Your kids couldn’t spell their own names until they were 8 - not because they have learning disabilities - because their names are some shit like Matthieuwe or Khelleighe.


Nov 25, 2020

Planes Trains & Automobiles Country Reaction Gifs 2

 *foul language*

When somebody's talking to me about their love of modern country music

When your car's a piece of shit but there ain't nothing wrong with the radio

Still better than listening to a Sam Hunt song

When your passenger keeps singing "Life is a Highway"

When the song starts out with a fiddle, but then there's a bass drop

When you catch your friend you introduced to Tyler Childers's music listening to Luke Bryan

When somebody starts talking slowly to you when they find out you're a country fan

When the airport is playing Sirius XM The Highway over the loudspeakers

Oct 9, 2020

Americana Singer Actually Should Shut Up and Sing

Roots rock singer/songwriter Alessa Torrance is facing a problem not new to artists of her ilk. Fans and casual listeners alike are constantly telling her to “shut up and sing.” In most cases, that phrase is used to express discomfort with the political opinions a singer is putting forth on social media or between songs at concerts. However, in Alessa’s case, it seems like a good idea.


“She’s always talking about her toenail fungus.” said Jerry Lucas, a fan of Torrance since 2008. “It’s really disgusting and I’d rather hear her misguided opinions about the border wall than foot hygiene.”


Another concert-goer told us Alessa was obsessing about a mole on her back during the show he attended. “She even stopped mid-song one time to pull her shirt up and show it to an RN in the audience.” said Bill Phillips of Des Moines, “She was convinced it was skin cancer, but I just wanted her to entertain me.”


Many country and Americana singers are met with disapproval for sharing their thoughts on Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Covid-19, the economy, and other topics in these divided times. Artists such as Tyler Childers and Chris Stapleton have faced backlash for their songs and comments regarding racial tensions. Perhaps Ms. Torrance is the proper focus of this ire. 


“My snot is green… is that normal????” read a concerned tweet from Torrance this past Tuesday. She has also had recent rants and worry sessions about: periods, migraines, pimples, a bout of diarrhea, ingrown hairs, toilet paper, scabs, nausea, and many other personal matters.


“I’d rather have her call me an inbred idiot for supporting Trump than listen to her talk about ear wax on stage.” said Marcy Peterson of Tallahassee, “Her hypochondria is very tiresome; she may need some counseling.”


At press time, Torrance was considering Instagramming a rash to see if anybody thought it was scabies. 


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