Kacey Musgraves Performs "Present Without a Bow" on Fallon

I'm Sorry, This Exists: Christmas '16 Edition

This is all real merchandise (and other oddities).

Let's start with something I'm glad exists.... a Merle Haggard "ugly Christmas sweater"

Luke Bryan tumbler. Perfect for sipping Lime-a-ritas.

Brantley Gilbert pajamas with "Bottoms Up" on the ass. For your side chick.

A BG brass knuckles Christmas ornament. For when the cousins erupt into a brawl over who gets to play the PS4 next.

Gross.

Chris Lane socks might be your fix. I don't know why, but maybe.

If she wants to get "Nailed" this Christmas, these are for her!

The Average Joes comic book series featuring Colt Ford, The Lacs, and all your least favorite hick hoppers. I assume their arch enemy is Captain Irrelevance.

Class up the damn joint with this Fireball cornhole game. Probably not officially licensed.

Sam Hunt tank top with Bleeding Cowboys font! Yay!

Luke Bryan ugly Christmas sweater. Make it stop.

Grammatically incorrect Luke Bryan lyrics tattoo
(which are the actual lyrics)

Another kinda awesome item. A Janie Fricke snapback. On eBay!

Truck decal ... perfect stocking stuffer for that kinda racist uncle.

Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

(I wrote a whole Christmas song parody around @fiveoletsgo 's title.)

Rocking Around in Skinny Jeans

(FTM Lyrical Satirical) 

Rocking around in skinny jeans


at the Christmas party, brah


Some mistletoe hung where chicks can see


It's hanging above my crotch

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Makes the chain on my wallet ring


Later we'll do some body shots


and auto-tuned caroling

You will feel just like a Yuletime baller


When you hear, voices holler


"Let's be merry; Pour me some Goose and cranberry"

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Have a lit ol' holiday


Everyone stumble drunkenly


Round a bonfire of stolen crates

You will feel a little something something


When you see fists are pumping


"Crank some Future; pour a line of Fireball shooters"

Rocking around in skinny jeans


Now it's time to spit some game


Take this ho ho ho dancing merrily


To my jacked up Christmas sleigh

Monday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Luke Bryan, Chris Lane

It's a Wonderful Life: Country Reaction Gifs

When Asleep at the Wheel comes on

Why he thinks Kane Brown sounds okay...

Sturgill Simpson is up for a best album Grammy?

When your neighbor keeps throwing loud parties 

with bro-country playing

When everybody calls you a hater

I didn't even know they made Luke Bryan albums on vinyl

If you found out Jason Aldean would 

retire for a million dollars...

Blue Christmas: A Farce the Music Sad Christmas Playlist

 

There's nothing like a sad Christmas song to mirror the dull, cold weather outside this time of year. Sure, Christmas is a joyous time of year, but not for everybody… and if you're like me, a little gray feels just right mixed in with the green and gold and red. The Spotify playlist is below.

Elvis Presley – Blue Christmas
Joni Mitchell – River
Hayes Carll – Grateful For Christmas
James Brown – Please Come Home For Christmas
Dolly Parton – Hard Candy Christmas
Marty Stuart – Even Santa Claus Gets The Blues
Tift Merritt – I'll Be Home For Christmas
Johnny Cash – Ringing the Bells for Jim
The O'Jays – Christmas Ain't Christmas, New Years Ain't New Years Without The One You Love
Kelly Willis & Bruce Robison – In The Bleak Midwinter
Sufjan Stevens – Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It!)
Darlene Love – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Bob Schneider – Fairytale of New York
John Denver – Please, Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)
Cat Power – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Willie Nelson – Christmas Blues
John Prine – Christmas In Prison
The Civil Wars – Tracks In the Snow
George Strait – What A Merry Christmas This Could Be
Kacey Musgraves – Present Without A Bow
Marvin Gaye – I Want To Come Home For Christmas
Corb Lund – Just Me and These Ponies (For Christmas This Year)
Jimmy Witherspoon - How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around
Asleep at the Wheel - Christmas in Jail

New Video: Kacey Musgraves - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

From A Very Kacey Christmas.

Top 10 Things Kane Brown Fans Want for Christmas

10. Puberty

 

9. Batteries for the hearing aid that hasn't worked since 2013

 

8. Hello Kitty iPhone 4s case

 

7. To know which local professional wrestler is their daddy

 

6. Lightbar for their foriller

 

5. Neighbor's wifi password

 

4. Extra cake in the prison cafeteria

 

3. Donations to their cancer hoax Kickstarter campaign

 

2. Drugs, lots of drugs

 

1. My six front teeth

---------------------

By Trailer with help from Jeremy Harris

Bad Santa Country Reaction Gifs

I didn't know this Santa gig was for 

the mainstream country radio station...

When somebody says they hate country music except Sam Hunt

Driving by somebody playing Thomas Rhett like....

I wish they'd play Whitey Morgan on country radio...

The way you look at somebody who says 

they stood in line for Luke Bryan tickets

How Cole Swindell fans flirt

Christmas in March

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas From the FTM Family

Kacey Musgraves Performs "Feliz Navidad"

A Grocery List You'll Recognize

A Johnny Cash Christmas Meme

Bad Santa vs. FGL

If _____ Wrote a Christmas Song: 2015

Cole Swindell

Hey Ms. Claus I wanna wish you well

Let me watch you shake that thang like a bell

Come and take a ride in my jacked up sleigh

One arm round you, one holding the reins

We'll jingle ling down a gravel road

Make a little joy, who cares if it's cold?

Jay-Z

I'm a gift in every sense of the word, grinch

Better trust and believe in

Santa Claus this evenin'

Spreadin' joy like what, gonna roast them chestnuts

HOV!

Old Dominion

Greetings girl, what's up?

It's a holiday, but I knew you'd pick it up

What you got on?

Are you wearing that mistletoe thong I bought ya

I know you've dialed "91_" on your land line, but I'm hopin' you don't call

I'm watching through your window, and I brought you some Christmas balls

Slayer

Holiday bell ensemble

Joyous to see

Reindeer flying through the night

But then strikes tragedy

Gunshots o'er Tennessee

Hunting season's siege

Santa's team falls under the blade

Venison sausage is made

Nicki Minaj

This dude named Kringle used to make me merriest

Sack bigger than a mountain, I ain't talking about Everest

Real jolly ass elf, let me drive his snow speeder

Cookies made his mouth water, now he calling me Keebler

Kacey Musgraves

Misspelled Christmas on the trailer deck

Cause there's rum in my cider glass

If you hear the neighbors gossiping

Tell 'em they can kiss my merry ass

Country Thongs...? (SFW)

If you're looking for a last minute terrible holiday gift for that girl, spouse, friend with benefits, woman, or progressive man in your life, look no further than Cafe Press, where you can get just about anything printed on a thong. These designs are all available with a click and some heavy duty shipping charges if you want them there by Christmas...