Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Dec 21, 2015
Dec 20, 2015
Dec 19, 2015
From the Archives: White Trash Wishlist
Originally posted December 20, 2013
Lyrical Satirical: White Trash Wishlist
White Trash Wishlist
©2013 FTM Lyrics
A shortened parole
Mint Grizzly, ten rolls
And a new pair of rebel flag boots
A Skeeter for fishin'
A Brazzers subscription
And the rest of my barbed wire tattoo
This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols
A triplewide home
A truck painted chrome
A deer stand three stories high
A whiskey buzz n'
A frisky cousin
And jeans with a velcro fly
This here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find all them
I'm cool with some fake viagra
And a box of cajun Slim Jims
Bridge
I don't mean to sound greedy
Santa, I'm just a good ol' boy
Really ain't nothin' I'm needing
Just a few things I really enjoy
(Like)
A new pair of jorts
A trip to Pigeon Forge
A Boone and Crockett on my wall
A sexy back rub
In a fancy hot tub
Slap full of grain alcohol
Yeah, this here's my white trash wish list
If Santa can't find it all
I'm cool with some lottery tickets
And a carton of black menthols
Merry Christmas y'all!
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 17, 2015
Top 10 Items on Brantley Gilbert Fans' Christmas Wish Lists
In no particular order...
 |
| This sticker |
 |
| Redneck rain gauge |
 |
| No Wash Underwear |
Dec 14, 2015
Dec 13, 2015
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 24, 2014
If _____ Wrote a Christmas Song...
If Cole Swindell wrote a Christmas song…
You're my only Christmas wish
With lips like cherry shine
In my truck bed with bows and twine
That's how I made you mine
You're my only Christmas wish
With lips like cherry shine
In my truck bed with bows and twine
That's how I made you mine
If Run the Jewels wrote a Christmas song…
Shut the f**k up and lend me your ear
F**kboys know it's that time of year
Fat motherf**ker coming down the chimney
Run them jewels Santa, take that sack home empty
Shut the f**k up and lend me your ear
F**kboys know it's that time of year
Fat motherf**ker coming down the chimney
Run them jewels Santa, take that sack home empty
If Lorde wrote a Christmas song…
I'm kind of over getting told to rock around the Christmas tree, so there
So all the eggnog got spilled there on the gifts but it wasn't my fault
I'm kind of over getting told to rock around the Christmas tree, so there
So all the eggnog got spilled there on the gifts but it wasn't my fault
If Chris Tompkins wrote a Christmas song…
I just got through delivering toys all over the world
X-box Ones and Frozen dolls for all the bros and girls
Fireball and cookies for me, the reindeer know the way
I'm getting drunk in a sleigh
If Sturgill Simpson wrote a Christmas song…
Poinsettias swirling round and round
Green and red on thread on thread
Walk that line to Santa's lap
And he whispers "Sonny, it's all crap."
Poinsettias swirling round and round
Green and red on thread on thread
Walk that line to Santa's lap
And he whispers "Sonny, it's all crap."
Dec 23, 2014
Dec 22, 2014
The 12 Bros of Christmas
The 12 Bros of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
A startling STD
On the second day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the third day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the fourth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Four V-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the fifth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the sixth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the seventh day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the eighth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the ninth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the tenth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Ten Fords on Nittos
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the first day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
A startling STD
On the second day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the third day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the fourth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Four V-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the fifth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the sixth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the seventh day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the eighth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the ninth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the tenth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Ten Fords on Nittos
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the eleventh day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
Eleven Swishers lighting
Ten Fords on Nittos
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
On the twelfth day of Christmas
a dude bro sent to me:
12” subs thumping
Eleven Swishers lighting
Ten Fords on Nittos
Nine hoes a twerking
Eight trucknuts swinging
Seven jeans so skinny
Six tans a spraying
Five chromed-out things
Four v-neck shirts
Three dick pics
Two Jäger bombs
and a startling STD
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