Some Guy You've Never Heard of Makes Opry Debut

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, March 01, 2012 

Some country singer you have never heard of, much less heard any music from, makes his Opry debut Friday night. 

Hailing from a fond-memory-inducing podunk on the Kentucky horizon, the random male country performer reportedly grew up listening to the Opry on the radio. He also visited the Opry several times, and idolized quite a few artists who graced that stage. He also wears a cowboy hat and customized leather belts. 

Whoever this guy is released his debut single in late December and has seen it rise steadily into the lower 30s on the charts. Tall, blue-eyed, and handsome, the unidentified singer is said to possess a vocal style reminiscent of that one guy with the tight jeans. 

Nondescript vocalist guy is currently in the studio with an in-demand hit producer and the engineer of several forgettably popular recent releases. The tepid - but commercially viable - debut album, with a cover photo of the dude standing in front of a weathered brick wall, is expected to be released in early summer. 

This person's Opry debut will be on a bill with Mel Tillis and Montgomery Gentry as well as a high school glee club and a token bluegrass band. 

At press time, a rumor was swirling that there may be a major announcement or invitation of some sort for this featureless, though quite fetching, country music singer when he takes the stage. 

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 35

When you're late to the bluegrass concert

When a bro uses FGL lyrics as pick-up lines

If I was a Grand Ole Opry member when Dustin Lynch or Kelsea Ballerini joined

When some Jerry Lee Lewis comes on in the bar

When I walk through a crowd of Kane Brown fans in Walmart

If I had to recite some Jordan Davis lyrics to save my life

At the party and some dude starts playing "Wagon Wheel"

Brian Kelley when somebody orders Fireball at FGL's restaurant

NOW That's What I Call Opry!

In honor of Kelsea Ballerini's invitation to join the Grand Ole Opry last night, the Opry has today announced the release of NOW That's What I Call Opry! Awesome!

Country TwitterWINs: January '19

Happy Gilmore Country Reaction Gifs

When an old man says the country music of his day was boring and today's is fun and catchy

When your friend who likes Dustin Lynch asks you for a beer

What mainstream country execs think of all of us who complain about the crap they release

Still more country than Mitchell Tenpenny

♫ ♬ Daddy's hands... were hard as steel when I'd done wrong ♫ ♬

When somebody at the game insults your Willie Nelson t-shirt

Are you more a fan of Restless Heart or Exile?

When you hear Clay Walker's new album

Waylon Wednesday

Community: Country Reaction Gifs

If somebody sings that "Bitches" song around me...

When one of Farce the Music's jokes gets a negative reaction

If you're thinking of attending a Dustin Lynch concert

American Aquarium songs:

When "Baby Likes to Rock It" by The Tractors comes on

If somebody says country music is better because there's not as much twang nowadays

Why don't you wear Luke Bryan skinny jeans?

"Country radio doesn't play women because they just aren't as good as the men"

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The Crud Report: January 2019

The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever

If You Say I'm Not Country

©2019 FTM Lyrical Satirical

I like sugar in my unsweet tea

And my Texas chili full of beans

And I'll be on your ass like jeans

If you say I'm not country

I like to hunt a little snipe

And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe

And mister I might pull a knife

If you say I'm not country

Cause I'm from where they sing about

in songs from Kenny and Tim

Down there on that ol' rural route

Where I have definitely been

Church and mama and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come

I love to crank those old outlaw songs

Turn up the Brantley and sing along

I'll throw hands and prove you wrong

If you say I'm not country

Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch

There's red on my neck skin

From working tater fields down south

Where I have definitely been

Shine and biscuits and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I might get rough

I'm as country as they come

Bridge

You can say I use snap beats

You can say I'm auto-tuned

But you can't say I'm not country

Just look at my Aldean tattoo

Yeah I'm from where they sing about

in songs from Kenny and Tim

Down there on that ol' rural route

Where I have definitely been

Church and mama and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come

What Kind of Songs Does Johnny Love?

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: January '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-16) overall which is a 2 point drop from last September (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Chris Stapleton's "Millionaire."  The worst is Mitchell Tenpenny's "Drunk Me" followed closely by Dustin Lynch's "Good Girl." There is 1 solo woman on the charts. In fact, there's only 1 woman in the entire top 20.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

The Last TwitterWINs of 2018