Showing posts with label Martina McBride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Martina McBride. Show all posts
Jan 3, 2012
Nov 27, 2011
Nov 17, 2011
Top 10 (Non-Existent) Country Songs About Picnic Products
With the popularity of Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup" (which is either completely insipid or absolute genius), FTM considered which other picnic essentials might make for good (okay, terrible) song fodder.
Top 10 (Non-Existent) Country Songs About Picnic Products
10. Martina McBride - "Dasani Bottle (It's a Good Thing Gin is Clear)"
09. Garth Brooks - "Are You Gonna Finish That Pimento and Cheese?"
08. Bucky Covington - "Grilling for Dummies"
07. Little Jimmy Dickens - "Bury Me in a Coleman When I Die"
06. Brantley Gilbert - "Drinking the Koolaid"
05. Chris Knight - "Lawn Dart Through the Heart"
04. Loretta Lynn - "You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Ham Sandwich"
03. Kid Rock - "Wet Ones Antibacterial"
02. Brad Paisley - "I'd Like to Spray You With Off"
01. Gary Levox - "Dixie Heavy Duty Plates"
Sep 29, 2011
Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio September '11
Promo Only Country Radio September 2011
(click the titles to hear the songs)
George Strait – Here for A Good Time 2:57
A solid single from ol' King George. It incorporates partying and a little philosophy with relative ease. It also exudes all the charm Strait is known for. Nothing earth-shattering but a strong tune.
B
Brett Eldredge – It Ain’t Gotta Be Love 3:04
What a voice. As long as this guy selects/writes good songs, he's going to be good for the genre. This is a catchy track. Mid-tempo rocker about a one night stand ...or one weekend stand, anyway. I'd rather hear this than most of what's on the radio these days.
B-
Montgomery Gentry – Where I Come from 3:20
Same song, new verses. Stock Montgomery Gentry tune. Thankfully, that at least means some twang, steel guitar and some of the trappings of what country should sound like. Of course that also means rocking and strutting. "Where I Come From" is pretty much "My Town Part 2." Not bad and it'll probably get them back on the radio but really.... can't we get some new freaking subject matter on the radio?
C
Sawyer Brown – Smokin’ Hot Wife 3:10
I smell cheese before this even starts. It sounds like a Bellamy Brothers song right off the bat, which I would prefer. Hmm, no this isn't good. It reminds me of some other song that I can't recall at the moment, but I'm pretty sure it's a direct rip-off of that song. This is worse than bad Buffett, and that's saying something.
F
Robin Meade – Dirty Laundry 4:17
I'm not expecting much from the CNN news caster... and oh shit, it's a cover of Don Henley. This is awful. Not as spectacularly bad as that Chenoweth chick's foray into country, but it's in that league. Make it stop. Robin, stick to your day job.
F
Danny Gokey – Second Hand Heart 3:42
Go away, Danny. I'm as tired of looking at you as I am Jared at Subway. Holy crap, this sounds JUST like Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" at the beginning. Unfortunately, it gets worse from there. Lots of shout-singing. I don't like it. Go away, Danny.
D-
Keith Urban – Long Hot Summer (Venti Mix) 4:31
Ooh, venti mix. Does that mean we get to hear lots of Keith shredding at the end? His timing is way off... hell, summer's even over here in the deep south. Keith's in his usual groove here... driving tune with a little banjo plucking in the background. Female friendly, anthemic. His schtick. Not memorable.
C
Craig Morgan – This Ole Boy 3:20
Craig probably stole this one from Blake Shelton. Sounds just like one of his sure-shot mindless hits. Okay, I suppose but I'm bored with this. Morgan better pray this catches on. He's teetering on the edge of being relegated to the Country Tailgate Tour with some 90's hat acts if he doesn't get a hit soon.
C-
Taylor Swift – Sparks Fly 4:19
Well, it sounds like a Taylor Swift song. Ms. Swift is most certainly NOT like a box of chocolates. She certainly knows how to craft a vaguely country pop tune that's sweet on the ears. Nothing more, nothing less. The gals 12-25 will love it.
C+
Blake Shelton – God Gave Me You 3:47
The least country song Shelton's ever put out (maybe aside from "Home?"). It's a fairly catchy power ballad, but it's also pretty standard fare aimed at the soccer mom demographic. It's a radio programmer's wet dream.
C-
Tyler Farr – That’s What They’re Bitin’ On 2:31
Rock riff. Attitude. Testosterone. The gates are open, y'all. The Aldean copycats are lined up from here to Athens and Nashville's herding them in. No thank you.
D-
Alan Jackson – Long Way to Go 3:39
I want to like this a lot more than I actually do. It's not bad, mind you, but it sounds like too many AJ songs that came before it. Still, you can't complain too much about "Long Way to Go" filling up airspace that might otherwise be dedicated to some up and coming pop country poser.
B-
Billy Ray Cyrus – Runway Lights 3:40
If BRC had chosen some better songs throughout his career, he could have been a lot more than a punch line. He's got a strong, distinctive voice that deserves good material. This is a military-related tune, but for the most part, it doesn't dip too far into the flag-waving of most songs of this ilk. It's personal and relateable. It's also got a heavy Springsteen vibe. Not bad.
B
Martina McBride – I’m Gonna Love You Through It 3:44
Yay, another cancer song. Well, this is country music after all. Martina sounds good here, though kinda Leann Rimes-esque in spots. Hmm, just remembered October is breast cancer awareness month. That's a great cause but the calculated release time rubs me wrong. The overwroughtness also.
C
Ashton Shepherd – Where Country Grows 3:11
I love Ashton's voice and the fact that she's very traditional sounding. However, I can't be a hypocrite here. This is YET ANOTHER COUNTRY LISTING SONG. Sigh.
C+
Steel Magnolia – Without You 3:26
Did this accidentally get put on here when it was actually intended for the Adult Contemporary promo only disc? I half expect Sting or Train to come on next. This is pleasant enough, I suppose but just not what I want out of country radio. This group lacks excitement.
C-
Jeff Bridges – What A Little Bit of Love Can Do 3:35
This sounds different than the crap he's put out lately. Oh... Jeff Bridges.. not Jeff Bates. My bad. Catchy, bouncy, cool song. I love this but it's pointless sending it out to radio. Nashville likes glitter not gruffness.
A
Johnny Patton – Save the Jukebox 2:58
Ooh, this is a throwback. Sounds like a cross between Johnny Paycheck and Billy Joe Shaver. You could tell me it was recorded in the 70's and I'd believe you. Good stuff! No chance at radio, but we can dream.
B
David Adam Byrnes – She Only Wanted Flowers 3:47
Sounds like something from the 90's from the start. That's a good thing. Good voice, cool harmonies with another male voice. I dig this. Guys like this and Justin Haigh give me hope. Thumbs up.
B+
Jim Quick – Down South
Delbert McClinton-esque. It's pretty catchy, but way too standard bar band fare to ever make it to the radio. Production is a weak suit here too.
C-
Aug 17, 2011
Jul 31, 2011
You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 3
...if you sang "Independence Day" on Independence Day.
...if you constantly yell out the name of the band's biggest hit at the concert, like they won't get around to that.
...if you can tell the difference between all the "I'm country, by damn" anthems.
...if you think Bobby Bare is a porn star.
...if you created an entire Tumblr thread trying to call out @Farcethemusic
...if you hate country AND western.
...if you've ever gotten in an argument over whether Jason Aldean or Brantley Gilbert is the better country singer.
...you keep posting pictures and excited status updates from the Chenny Kesney show
...if "Chicks Dig It" is your theme song.
...if you only buy complete albums if "greatest hits" is in the title.
...if you're the only dude at the show with his girlfriend on his shoulders. And she's just up there to show her tits.
...if you're front row and don't know the band you're watching, while they're filming for a music video
...if you're okay with the band leaving the stage due to birds pooping on them.
...if you just love Kris Kristofferson's work. He was awesome in Blade!
...if you never show up for the opening band
...if you've skipped out on Gregg Allman for Buckcherry at a festival.
...if Colt Ford is your favorite rapper.
...if you think the band Husker Du has something to do with Nebraska football.
...if when asked if you like The Replacements, you start talking about the movie. Or, even worse, the cartoon.
...if you were so happy to see Charlie Rich win Celebrity Apprentice.
...if you love Willie Nelson only because you share a favorite relaxation pastime of his.
...if you claim to love the band, don't know a single song as all your gawkin at is the bass players package.
...if you wear an AC/DC t-shirt ironically.
...if everybody on your iTunes has a criminal record.
...if you think Doc Watson sent Marty McFly back in time.
Jul 20, 2011
Apr 26, 2011
Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio May 2011
May means nearly summer, and you know what that means. Country music puts on its flip-flops and cutoffs and gets into recycling (themes and sounds). And let me level with you: I'm finding it harder and harder to trifle with this bullsh*t month after month. I hope you appreciate the depths of despair, tedium and annoyance I go through to bring this review to you semi-monthly. The more I do it, the further I feel my mind slipping into some black pit of insanity. No "A's" and no "F's" this go round, just a lot of mediocrity. Here we go! (click the song titles to listen)
Steve Azar - Hard Road
Steve continues on his laid back bluesy path, banking on the success of the similar sounding "Sunshine" for this to be his new groove. I love the fact that he's gone with a more organic sound that compliments his true upbringing. It's not your everyday Clearchannel material and for that, Steve deserves kudos. All that said, this is not overly engaging, and the nonsensical "ahhooof" sounds he makes repeatedly on this track border on water torture.
C
Walker Hayes - Why Wait for Summer?
I know, right? Why wait for Summer to start pissing me off with summer songs? Listen: Being a gainfully employed 36 year old living in the deep south, I hate summer. It's hot as Rosie O'Donnell's armpit so I sweat a lot and my car wants to overheat every day and I don't get off work, I have to mow weekly and gas prices rise, and …well, you get the point. I'll stop ranting. This song is about having fun, despite it not actually being summer. They plan to fool the general country-music-buying-public into singing along from May through July because it has the word "summer" in it. Who knows if it will work? I'm not the target demographic. All I know is I don't want to hear this anymore.
C-
Martina McBride - Teenage Daughters
…in which she admits drinking and being old. Not old, necessarily, but older than either Reba or her boobs would ever confess being. This is a catchy pop-country tune that tackles the difficulties of parenthood and sentimentalism towards the teen years in one heartfelt swoop. Pretty good tune.
B-
Frankie Ballard - A Buncha Girls
Take last year's summer misfires, throw in a few different key words, please the female demographic and here's your result. Blah.
D+
Ashley Gearing - Five More Minutes
Carrie Underwood redux. In fact, I thought it was her at first. Good voice, but she needs to find her own personality. The vocals, the theme, the pop-country arrangement…down to the letter, this is Carrie 2.
C-
Gloriana - Wanna Take You Home
Sunny, easy-rolling country-pop. There's an obvious concerted attempt to sound more country for the guy-girl group this time out… fiddle, acoustics, even some steel, but the song itself is lacking. There's very little substance, nor is there much of a lyrical hook. Their harmonies are supposed to pull up the slack, but it's not happening.
C-
Greg Templeton - I Could Be the One
I could be the one to fall asleep listening to this. His voice is reminiscent of Dierks Bentley's, but this tune is reminiscent of every other potboiler I've ever heard on one of these comps. Dull as a butter knife.
D+
Bradley Gaskin - Mr. Bartender
Travis Tritt reincarnated. What? Oh. I just haven't seen him around. Well, uh… he sounds a lot like Travis. Decent neo-traditional song. It's probably too drink-centric to be a big hit though.
B-
The Janedear Girls - Shotgun Girls
Another summer song. Surprised? I guess it's catchy. Lovely harmonies... or whatever. Willie and Merle just got mentioned. Somebody put a steel toe boot into my backside. There are two songs that mention "dashboard drumming" on this compilation. Just FYI. Make it stop.
D+
Heidi Newfield - Stay Up Late
Here's the latest track from former Trick Pony lead singer, Heidi Newfield. She doesn't want to go out on the town, she just wants to stay home and listen to Darius Rucker's "Alright" and drink wine and eat spaghetti and do it all night. You know? This is honestly better than most of the rest of stuff on this promo. It's got a Bonnie Raitt feel to it. The hook is nice (go to bed early and stay up late). What the heck…
B
River Road - Good Things
Surprise, surprise… another decent song. It's a story song about a couple who marries early, births early and yada yada. Another decent hook (sometimes good things come to those who can't wait). It's got a laid back 90s feel to it. Nothing new, but it stands above most of this drivel.
B
Little Big Town - The Reason Why
I'd like to know the reason why I keep downloading these things. I actually don't hate Little Big Town, but this sounds like Gloriana, who I do hate. High school vocal choir schlock. Of course the vocals and harmonies are spot on, but that's eye shadow on a goat (lipstick on a pig was too easy).
D+
Kenny Chesney - Live a Little
Kenny's got enough goodwill built up among fans and radio to throw out a true clunker now and then. Here it is, in its "perfect for mom to roll down the windows and sing along to while taking kids to baseball and ballet" glory (?). (s)Hit-bound for sure. (Update - It's already hit #1... so why's it on the May comp???)
D
Tim McGraw & Gwyneth Paltrow - Me and Tennessee
I use up way too many derogatory terms and put-downs in these Promo Only reviews. They're bound and determined to run me out of snark, one month at a time. Gwyn's voice isn't that bad really. This song's pretty freakin' annoying though. The refrain of "together we're singing, forever we're singing" is nails on a chalkboard bad. I'll just go back to an old favorite retort: This sucks.
D
Kip Moore - Mary Was the Marrying Kind
Billy Ray Cyrus reincar…. never mind. He sounds a lot like the king of mullets for sure though. I think some of my blogging compadres dig this. Not sure I do. MOR country rock. Background music.
C-
Eden's Edge - Amen
Snap judgment before it starts, based on their name: girl/guy vocal choral group. Ooh, nice vocals. A little twang even. Not much soul once the chorus hits. Note to singers: if you ask for an "amen," you gotta have a little grit in your voice like you just ate collard greens. A lot of potential in this group and the song… but sadly unrealized. I was wrong with my pre-judgment, it's a girl group… and lead vocalist girl needs to hit a few blues dives before singing her next song with gospel overtones. Too honky for this honky.
C
Due West - When the Smoke Clears
Solemn opening. Wow, there's actually some melody in the chorus. It's pretty moving to the part of my soul that hasn't grown dark yet. They remind me of Emerson Drive a little. Strings now. This is the part where tears are supposed to well up in the corners of my hazel blue eyes. Nope, didn't happen. Not a bad song overall. Pop country with a little more heart than I'm used to from that sub-genre.
C+
Johnny Patton - Phone in Heaven
Bringing up the rear…good morning Jesus, can I talk to mama? This guy sounds a little like The Possum. The arrangement even sounds like 80's Jones with a little more slickness. Stone country for the Taylor Swift generation. He doesn't have the chops of George (who does?), but if he did, and he cut loose a little more on the chorus, this might garner a higher grade than…
B-
Apr 24, 2011
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