Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bro country. Show all posts

Oct 15, 2015

Who the Hell is Kane Brown?

This guy you've never heard of has had the number one album on iTunes for a large chunk of the last week, beating out such names as George Strait, Sam Hunt, and Thomas Rhett. So is he any good?

Sep 10, 2015

Friends in Bro Places

There was talk last week of Garth Brooks re-recording his signature hit "Friends in Low Places" with George Strait, Keith Urban, Jason Aldean, and …Florida-Georgia Line. It looks like that's not going to happen now, due to some legal issues, but we like to think if it had happened, the lyrics would have been updated thusly…

"Friends In Bro Places"
(A parody of "Friends in Low Places")

Blame it all on my squad
We showed up real hard
In wife beaters and gelled up hair
We letting folks know
That we down to throw
If you trippin' son
We ain't fightin' fair
And I got so turnt up
So I raised up my cup
When the DJ played some old Drake
And I grinded you
Baby, that's when I knew
I'd hit dat in my Chevrolet

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
Cause I wave bills with big faces
Oh, I got friends in bro places

Crank the truck and get gone
Yeah my game so strong
Back roads what we're headed for
Crack a Miller Lite
And we're getting tight
Find a field and it's time to score
Hey girl I don't care
There's folks everywhere
It's just where my homies throw down
Nobody will mind
But if you're a shouter
Then they might gather round

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
I might be just a little racist
Oh, I got friends in bro places

[3rd Verse:]
We're getting it on
To a Kanye song
Yeah man, you know how I do
When some city boys pull up
They're acting real tough
Mad doggin' while I'm tryna screw
I always mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til I'm done with this lass
Then son you can bet
You'll pay back that debt
Cause I'm a whoop your ass

Aug 5, 2015

How to Become a Bro-Country Singer

This song by The Beaumonts details how to become a very successful
bro or fake-outlaw singer overnight. 


Jul 31, 2015

Helpful Tips for Country Music Festival Attendees

 A few helpful tips for enjoying your mainstream country music festival this summer:

• Hydrate before entering concert grounds (that means drink water, Luke Bryan fans)

• Apply 50 SPF or higher sunscreen

• Familiarize yourself with exits - that will come in helpful during the likely riot

• Drink in moderation or pace yourself (Fireball, water, Jager, water, Fireball, water, vomit, repeat)

• Pre-plan meeting places if your group gets split up

• Make sure you have paper or digital ticket ready when waiting in line

• Drive a car to the concert and you'll be able to find it more
quickly after the show because literally everyone else will be in a truck

• Take a self defense course prior to festival

• Never look a bro in the eyes; you could probably kick his ass,
but is he really worth a night in jail?

• Never accept open drinks from strangers

• Wear a knife/bullet-proof vest under your wife-beater

• The only sexual relations that should take place on festival grounds
is you getting screwed out of $7 for a domestic tall boy

• Don't believe she's "on the pill" if you just met her

• The stoner who hugged you during Eric Church's encore
is not your friend; don't loan him twenty bucks

• If you notice that someone has gotten a wallet chain through security, 
avoid them because wallet chains can be used as weapons or means of restraint

• After eating concert vendor fried foods, never trust a fart

• You can buy that $35 t-shirt for $25 on their website

• Men in huge novelty foam cowboy hats are always perverts

• When the riot breaks out, hide in a rolling beer cart - nobody's going to destroy a beer cart

• The sashimi tent is a bad idea

• If some drunk guy looks like he's about to puke, point him toward
the tall guy with the girl on his shoulders who are blocking your view

• Don't video songs - are you seriously going to subject yourself to Tyler Hubbard more than once?

• Don't eat anything you don't want to taste twice

• If someone cuts in line for the port-a-potties, wrap wallet chains around the potty and lock him in

• If he's got a barbed wire tattoo, he's got an STD

• If she's got a tramp stamp, she's probably got a kid your age

• Stop drinking 2 hours before the show's over; is seeing
Chase Rice warble about hotties really worth a f***ing DUI?

• Never yell "come at me bro" because the sheer number of nearby bros
who will think you're talking to them ensures a beatdown

• When leaving the concert, never tell your arresting officer
to "s*** your d***" or that your dad's a lawyer

May 27, 2015

He-man Woman-Hater's Club

(Note: In Hill's interview, he actually said females were the ones who predominantly
didn't want to hear females on the radio - though I believe our buddy Windmills Country has refuted that at some point - either way, work on that ladies... I'm tired of the sausage party)


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