Aug 19, 2022
Band Plays Pop-Country Pre-Show Music So They’ll Sound Good in Comparison
“It works like a charm,” laughed bassist Pete “Pal” Wasserstein. “We irritate the hell out of the fans with 20 minutes of Walker Hayes and Florida-Georgia Line before we come on stage, so that our admittedly ‘just okay’ musicianship and songs blow them away.”
“They were awesome!” said a fan walking out of King Planter’s recent Mobile show. “I don’t know what it was, but their sufficient musical abilities and reasonably passable songwriting just sounded on a whole new level tonight; I don’t know what it was!”
The four-piece update the “Lowered Expectations” Spotify playlist weekly, adding anything that’s the latest snap-beat sappy song hitting the country charts or the most annoying viral country-rap song on TikTok. This week they added David Morris’ “Carrying Your Love,” a rap song which features an interpolation of the similarly named George Strait hit.
“Oh God, they hate it!” laughed vocalist Jay Henderson. “But after that shit, I sound like Otis Redding or Chris Stapleton compared to that dude, when I’m really just a C- on a good night.”
King Planter, who list The Band and David Allan Coe as their primary influences, have failed to catch on in ‘the scene’ in three years of existence. According to the blog Bama Mericana, King Planter “look the part and check off all the requisite topics in their music, but the lyrics can be best described as reasonable and their playing is ehhh… fair to middling. No offense because it pays better than being in a band, but they’ll be hanging sheetrock in 9 months.”
All this might be so, but crowds are growing lately thanks to their unique modus operandi. “Word of mouth, baby!” said an excited Wasserstein, surveying the tens of fans in attendance at their Big Star Tavern show in Montgomery last night.
At press time, King Planter was about 8 months from disbanding.
Aug 18, 2022
Honest Billboard Song Features: Walker Hayes & Dan + Shay
*not really from Billboard, obviously. Based on similar pieces in their weekly newsletter.
Parks and Rec Country Reaction Gifs 4
When he says he's seen Florida-Georgia Line in concert one time
Why is Walker Hayes so cringe?
After years of comparing Luke Bryan to toilets and other gross stuff...
When he changes the station from Outlaw XM to The Highway
I don't care if the Zac Brown Band is putting out better music now, after The Owl...
Tell me an underrated Strait song then amble away
Tell me what Sam Hunt music sounds like
The greeting when a female artist does a radio station visit
If Morgan Wallen is playing at an outdoor festival
Aug 17, 2022
Top 10 Things You Might See at a Five Finger Death Punch / Brantley Gilbert Concert
Five Finger Death Punch and Brantley Gilbert are going on tour.
For real. Here are the top ten things you might see if you went.
10. Everybody mad dogging each other instead of watching the show
9. Many neckbeards, but few necks
8. Nobody singing along because somebody might call them gay for singing
7. Punisher tattoos
6. Roid gut
5. A camel clutch wrestling hold executed to perfection
4. 7 women, all working at concession stands
3. Really aggressive t-shirts with way too many words on them
2. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of fists bruised from punching walls
1. People in the 1% of worst music taste in America
Bonus thing: Several heartwarming reunions of cops and the people they arrested
Aug 16, 2022
Dark Brooks
These lyrics sound pretty creepy out of context. And I think we finally have the answer to "Where are the bodies buried, Garth?" on the first one (even though he didn't write that one).
Aug 15, 2022
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