Farce the Music

Apr 21, 2023

He Knows What He Likes

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Man Feigns Obliviousness as Wife Compliments Lainey Wilson’s Backside

While lounging on the couch after work with his wife Thursday, Jacob Boothe was presented with a difficult challenge. Samantha, Jacob’s wife, was watching Entertainment Tonight as they waited on lasagna in the oven when she suddenly made some statements that would test his resolve and ability to avoid a night on the couch.

“Look at that thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Booth. “That is impressive.” Samantha was referring to the derriere of country star Lainey Wilson, as ET reporters discussed Wilson’s submission of an original song for Emmy consideration.

Jacob, an experienced and wary husband, did not even consider averting his eyes from his phone, where he was setting the lineup for his fantasy baseball team. He knew better.

“I wonder if that’s genetics,” Samantha continued. “Or lots of cornbread and squats at the gym…”

Again, Jacob was silent, keeping his full attention on his pitching choices for the evening. “Should I start Sandoval or Senga?” he pondered, fully aware that the slightest diversion of his attentiveness could lead to a very tricky situation.

“But this is silly,” he thought. “We are grown adults who’ve been married for over a decade; if we can’t discuss this sort of thing in a mature fashion, we’re just a cliche Rodney Dangerfield joke about marriage.”

“Is that the country singer with that truck song?” he asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I think so,” answered Samantha. “Dat ass though…” she said as she pulled up some photos on her phone and pushed it in front of Jacob’s 3-2 baseball lineup.

“Uh huh,” deferred Jacob, his eyes quickly darting over to their cat pawing at a curtain.

Samantha rolled her eyes, having caught onto Jacob’s game. “Mmm Hmm,” she said accusingly.

He’d over-played his hand, leaned too hard into aloofness. “Fine, she’s a very attractive woman,” he admitted, opening a door he hadn’t wanted to. “Are you satisfied?”

At press time, the lasagna had burned, and the Boothes were ordering pizza.