Farce the Music: Cole Swindell

Jan 27, 2017

In Living Color: Country Reaction Gifs

When someone disrespects Waylon to your face

When your friend won't go see American Aquarium with you

because they never heard of them

When somebody needs schooling on country music history

"Country singer" Chris Lane rehearsing for his upcoming tour

Those new Charlie Worsham songs

When somebody calls radio DJ Homey

to request Cole Swindell

How did you feel about country media anointing

Kelsea Ballerini the new 'country' queen

What would it take to get Cody Jinks played

on mainstream country stations?

Jan 20, 2017

Parks & Recreation: Country Reaction Gifs

Avoiding your coworker's conversation about

the latest episode of The Voice

Jason Isbell is working on a new album??

Would you rather go to a Brantley Gilbert concert

or let your pastor read your internet browser history?

Why does Kane Brown have a career?

How'd you make it through an entire hick-hop album

to write a review of it?

When you catch a few seconds of the new Cole Swindell song

When you find out your fiancée loves Florida-Georgia Line

When the guy in the neighboring cubicle plans

to listen to pop-country all day

Jan 17, 2017

Top 10 Ways Nashville Will Respond to Sturgill Simpson's Popularity

10. Sign Virgil Simpson, Sturgill's tonedeaf cousin

9. More songs about DMT

8. Ban pitch correction in lieu of barely discernible enunciation

7. Request Florida-Georgia Line try some of that "authenticity" stuff on for size

6. Vow to release another dumb bro-country song for every

Facebook rant Sturgill goes on, out of spite

5. Kidnap Dave Cobb; force him at gunpoint to produce Rascal Flatts next album

4. Quietly invite Sturgill to play the CMAs; never let anyone know

about his 5 minutes of laughing on voice mail reply

3. Scour the hills of Kentucky for a salt-of-the-earth type who writes great songs;

ruin him with spray tan, EMD, and emojis

2. Get Cole Swindell to cover "You Can Have the Crown" …very poorly

1. Just do whatever the fuck they were gonna do in the first place because

they still don't know who Sturgill Simpson is

Dec 24, 2016

If Cole Swindell Had Written These Christmas Songs

If Cole Swindell Had Written These Christmas Songs

All I Want for Christmas Is You
I just want you for my own
Even if you'd rather go
It puts the lotion on
All I want for Christmas is you

Jingle Bells
Jingle bells, dial my cell
I thought you were my bae
Oh, what fun it is to ride
By your house ten times a day

Feliz Navidad
Robado Navidad
Robado Navidad
Robado Navidad
Pervertido y felicidad

Last Christmas
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you acted afraid
This year, don't be so severe
Please drop the restraining order

Baby It's Cold Outside
The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)
Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)
(no change)